Our experiences in life dictate the assumptions we hold about when something similar occurs to us. Some of these assumptions can protect us from something bad happening again. Some of these same assumptions can hinder us from taking new chances which may benefit us. Either way, assumptions are difficult to evade, even to the open minded. It is a part of reality you have to deal with and respect and understand when joining families or lives or in relationships with anyone. We all make assumptions intrinsically. Not pretty sometimes but there it is. The very best way to avoid the repercussions of an irrelevant-to-now assumption your mind built from your past negative experiences and keep it from harming a new relationship is to talk openly and honestly about it. This is also a bit scary because you open yourself up to be validated in the assumption which can change a lot of things. However, if the chance is not taken to open up that line of communication and correct the assumption into a workable reality, growth does not happen. Relationships do not strengthen sometimes because the communication is not there and then damage is done and the repercussion may be a lack of unity or just lack of growth in intimacy or at worst a decrease in the trust or relationship. It is a difficult thing either way, which is why sometimes second or third marriages are increasingly shorter in length. It is difficult to have a history of hardship and keeping that from forming close bonds is easy when patterns of miscommunication are repeated. It is my wish in life to remain open. This is a challenge but one that is easily overcome by knowing these things and both choosing to communicate openly and honestly with each other. Truth counters all lies and misconceptions based on assumptions are lies accepted as truths. So truth exposes the, well, the truth of the matter and allows relationships to grow and deepen in merit and last. If a pattern of truthful communication and openness continues, the relationship will continue and deepen and gain meaning and strength and new good assumptions will replace harmful ones. Assuming someone will love you no matter what and assuming the truth will be told to you is a pretty great habit for those in relationships to utilize. Communication brings hope. Hope brings renewed life and redeems your mind.
Month: May 2016
Explorations on Sadness
Many things have happened in my life and my response is generally optimistic and hopeful, figuring out what to do, getting things done, charging ahead, always full throttle. My pulse has slowed of late and there is a different drum beat to dance to. I have this new thing in my life called sadness. I am not sure if it is from my daddy’s downward spiral with dementia, fading away or family life and changes or something I ate or some new hormones taking over my body, but I am not liking this new talent I have to cry at the drop of a hat. Never been a cryer really. However of late, I am some sort of master at it. I am changed in this regard. It is foreign territory to me. I, who can always find the funny, search out the stupid, love the enjoyable, invent it good am now in the position where I see the hurt in people’s eyes. I see their pain they are hiding behind the laugh. I feel their sorrow in their encouragement. And I experience it with them. And it hurts. Of course, my eyes are very clean these days, which is a plus. They probably needed that. However, they are clean now so this can stop anytime. An additional side effect is a stronger desire to hold my children, hug them, laugh with them, really focus on them. So maybe even sadness can have its productive uses. Nonetheless, I am understanding more the crippling pain a lot of my friends contend with of depression. It would probably be very much like what I have been going through only stuck there longer term, emotions just doing their thing and you’re left to figure it all out or be a victim of it. I’ve no intention of being stuck here because I feel there would be this hopelessness that would seep in and steal away joy and peace. So, here is what I will try. And I will see it if helps. I will focus on the hope. The great hope of God and heaven and so on AND little hopes of happy days in the sun, cool drinks, warm friends and will drive, even if the terrain has changed. It is still my boat and I will own it and make use of it. Have to.
When the Road Disappears
Let me address the weary wanderer, of which I fall into such category of late. Let me address those moments when the road does not fork or allow rest but simply ceases to be there, drops off entirely. Let me tell you that there are times, seasons such as this when the road becomes missing, either because grief is so great or unrest so great or confusion so great or so many great things as these. For some reason, the mind is overwhelmed, the heart if overfilled and the strength is oversapped. Immediately, while traveling down this road you look and the road has disappeared. It is a moment filled with gripping passions and intense feelings of loss and hopelessness. Sadness and despondency. Confusion and just really really deep pain. Does this make one believe in God less? Is faith at some low point? I say absolutely not. For God is a precious and perfect God of the journey and sometimes the road has to drop out for us to see something. Some thing is put in place of the road. It is not a road at all any longer. Instead, during this times of insecurity, what you need is a great big bear rug to wrap up in. And you look and don’t see a way to go, sometimes you can look again and before you is placed the coziest, warmest, most luxurious bear rug in the world to cuddle up in, warmed by the fire of God’s love and given as a gift to let you know that God’s got you in the midst of this owie, thie traumatic thing. Nothing is bigger than His security, perfect care and loving provision. And your job then is not to figure it out but wrap up in it and take a deep rest, drinking in deep and holding on tight. There is more to life than the road taking you somewhere. Sometimes you just need to be.
Roller Coaster Life
Rolling down pre-made winding, spiralling, going upside down tracks, big monster roller coasters are fun. Fun IF, and this is very important, IF you are properly secured. If you are not, you will see the roller coaster very differently. It will become a terror ride, a torment, a horrible thing that ends in some form of trauma of which you will never be the same. And life is very much like that. If we do not feel secure, do not feel adequately grounded, life’s ups and downs and loopty-loos will cause us enourmous amounts of pain or trauma or just plain old headaches. We need to know our security is sound, we are safe. It is difficult to know this in a seeminly very scary world we happen to reside in. There are always side cars pushing us, always unexpected objects thrown on the tracks and so on. It is imperitive that we place our security in that which is stronger and bigger than the roller coaster. Our security must be grounded in God, bigger than we are, bigger than any problem we face, no matter how big it is or how much it threatens to throw us around. In fact, if our security is not grounded in God, it is grounded on something lesser that can also be moved and shaken. Imagine being secured to the seats not by God’s strongest arms but by bungee cords. You would still be jostled so much that you’d at best end up with a sound concussion. Or you ask a child to secure you in your seat. They do not have the ability to help, no matter how much they might want to. So our security must come from someone greater and secure and sure and faithful. In a world of unfaithfulness, God is faithful. And I want faithfulness in my security. I don’t ever again want to feel secure one minute and not secure at all the next and then be back to secure and so forth. Such a strap on a ride which works half the time and then visits another person to secure them for a bit and come back is completely worthless as a security strap. Security must be reliable, faithful. This is vital. You cannot be secure in a boat that is solid one minute and turns into spaghetti the next and back and forth. You get it. So hop on in and enjoy the ride life brings you, but just make sure your security strap is right first.