Before my Daddy went to Heaven, I had a lot of invaluable time with him. It wasn’t invaluable because we had deeply wise discussions because he had dementia and gradually lost his memories, recent first and then past. What made it so special was that I got to see who he really was inside and his spirit. He loved Jesus. I know this because even when all his memories were gone, he still talked about Jesus and going to heaven and expressed great morality in his limited speech. And I got to see the pure base of love that God creates in a heart that loves and serves Him long term. It was beautiful. And in being so close to Daddy as his physical body diminished, I saw a renewing and resetting of his spirit, almost like he could see Jesus sometimes and I believe he could. And in my arms, he transitioned over and it was the biggest blessing of my life. I want to keep other older people company who are suck in bed to comfort them and learn and love on them. Older people are such an extreme blessing and what they teach us is worth more than gold. ❤
I say it all the time, the church says it. What does it mean? Does it mean He gives us whatever we ask for? Does it mean He blesses us? Does it mean He makes sure we are cared for? This is how many Christian songs are going. “God is good because of what He does for me” seems the theme. I am protesting. God is good because that is what He is. It has nothing to do with us, it is part of His perfect makeup. God is good with or without us and that is what we should focus our praise and worship on. He is good and loving and holy and just and wanting the best and full of hope and grace. God is so good. We are just little people, one of billions of His created children and each is special yes but we need to get out of the grip of the selfish pride of believing we are the most important person out there. That seems a prevailing notion. You see it everywhere. God is the thing. He is so good. We are not. We cannot be good at all apart from Him. What God wants from us is humble faith, conversation, relationship, worship. He is worthy of our full attention and worship and infinitely more. God is so good!
So, in my spare time, I will be working on a quilt for my bed. I have never made anything like that for myself because I thought it was selfish. I still think it is, but it is an avenue for creativity and an artistic work for my hands to keep busy with in spare time. I detest just sitting and doing nothing unless there is a good movie or something. So, I am designing it with materials left over from the quilts I made for my kids (the only quilts I have ever made) and odd fabric I had. I will design a keyboard in it and notes and guitars and drums because it is such a strong part of us. I will have a background of a barn like the one I grew up with. It is an art project. I am excited. So many renovations are being done on the house, it will be nice to not be cold at night with the air conditioner right on me. So I am excited for warmth. And there really is no moral contemplation here except to say that I am very thankful to God for both creativity, supplies, and an outlet to keep me sane in this dry period. And while I work, I am always praying, so that is a beautiful thing for me. I am so thankful. I know it is God who does all good things.
So, my son decides yesterday to get up really early in the morning with me and walk with me to start the day. He is normally a night person like me and hard to get out of bed, so I was expecting the worst. Instead, he pops right up and is eager to go. Oy. So off we go and I am pleasantly surprised because I generally love walking time to enjoy God’s creation and talk to Him and just be quiet. I thought my chatty son would be a peace deterrent but instead he was pleasingly quiet with the sparce comment here or there. Lovely. So he will be joining me and we have more time together, and I thank God for that. Another happy place. Wonderful. 🙂
Sometimes we just miss people that once were a strong part of our lives and now and forever will be missing. To miss them is human. There is not much getting around that. We feel. God made us empathetic and feeling creatures, and our hearts sometimes are fuller than we can bear and it seeps out and rolls down our cheeks. We just miss them sometimes. The pain lessens with time and prayer but sometimes you just have to pull out the pictures and memories and just remember and cry one more time. And then on we go on our journey for we do not journey backwards but ahead. We miss people from our past but we must move forward and be in the now. Good news is that God comforts us when we mourn. And I can attest to that. There were times my tears were streaming from such a deep part of my soul, I thought my heart would just break right into and I would be dead. I really thought that it was so deep. But when I prayed my famous prayer “Help me! Hold me!” God put an arm around me. It felt so real I thought someone was there. And it felt like He wiped my tears off my cheeks. It really felt that way. And I understood the entire world and God’s pain and sadness at losing valuable people. I got it. I understood mourning is not for the weak but for all people at some point and God loves us so much He cannot bear to see us so heart-broken without comforting us. He is a good Daddy. And so I missed someone today but God is faithful to comfort and then remind me to keep doing what is right and moving forward, focused on the now. “Now is the most important time in the history of mankind.” I made that up just now but I bet someone already said it somewhere. Lol But each and every day, taken one at a time, is precious and valuable and the most important time of your life. The internal decisions you make right now will change every attitude here forward. And on we go, moving forward but focused on right now. Miss if you need to, and sometimes you do, but then let God dry your tears.and move forward, focused on the no wow with His help. You and He can do it!
God provides. There have been times I have gone without sleep, without food, without a home for a little bit, without friends, single, so many things, but these slight deprivation humbled me and taught me to rely on God and I am so very thankful. But I was never without God or what I needed. Those are all things. I needed love and God always loved me. When I sincerely needed food, God always provided that. When I needed a job, I got one. When I needed transportation, God got me a great deal by the time I really needed it. When I needed a break, God granted me a run through His nature and beauty to refresh my soul. God is a wonderful provider and I regret having to go through so many hardships to realize it and humble my haughty soul. But thank God He had the grace and extreme generosity to keep giving me the opportunity to learn that same lesson. God is loving and abounding in grace and even if He is all we have, we have everything we need. God is a good good Father and I am so humbly appreciative and celebrating that fact!! God is so so very good and I live Him. ❤
My daughter was baptized today!! We celebrated with our church family and then with just us by going out to Golden Corral. She keeps talking excitedly about how she was baptized today! I love that excitement and her excitement was contageous. I had forgotten how to just celebrate being God’s and celebrate obeying Him. It is really a lot of fun being a Christian. Sure, there is opposition, sure evil wants to destroy us every chance they get, but so what. We are the victor here. God through our Messiah Jesus Christ won every battle we could ever have. We win too by humble obedience to Him. They cannot take our eternity with God away, no matter what. So let us celebrate with my daughter and just being God’s children. 🙂 ❤ ❤ ❤