Rebuilding Contemplations 2 Years Ago

2 Years ago, I lost my daddy. I lost the man that loved me most in the world and who was always there for me. I also lost a liar friend that swore love to me and my family and just rejected us and split. (All is forgiven and we still love you, just recapping my pain of 2 years ago.) I also lost a friend my age in a car accident suddenly at the same time. Two years ago, I was a mess, a pitiable disaster shell of a girl… broken to understate it. The strongest crumble hardest when broken.

Absolutely, that was a defining moment of my life. Absolutely, that completely impoverished soul of mine was the means of God finally breaking this pride in me down to ashes and rebuilding a humble me. It was the best thing that ever happened to me spiritually, in light of eternity. Because now, as I keep choosing God to be my strength and keep humbly close to Him, even living with frequent opposition and injustice, everything keeps me humble and closer to God.

And now I am strongest of my life because I am weakest and God is able to work through me. This, my friend, is beautiful. I am thankful for two years ago and reflect upon it thoughtfully and often. I still get emotional but it is always tempered with joy and peace now. If you are going through a lot now, take heart. Hope is in Jesus always and with love. Don’t be afraid to break for Him and He will rebuild you way better. God is so very good!!❤❤❤

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More Christmas Decorating

Here is our third home decorated by us. We have now decorated my Great Aunts Evelyne and Ellen’s home, our home and now my mom’s home. So three homes now have we decorated. But I confess that I had the most fun with this one because my mom never throws any Christmas memory items away and it was setting up all the decorations I grew up with. Some were new, but many were what we had in our home when I was still receiving presents and had big family dinners and parties and all the excitement came rolling on back. What joy!❤

We Rocked Today

There is little that is more completely exhilarating than a family team project where everyone works together on a project and accomplishes something bigger. Today, we did that and the results are beautiful and will last. Even if the rocks give way over time, we have that unified bonding memory together. It is beautiful! God is so very good!!❤

Rehashing Days Passed

Thinking about my life’s journey has been a repetitive occurrence of late. I have wanted to leave no stone unturned in confessing forgotten sins I have gotten away with or just have forgotten and maybe didn’t even realize at the time. And overall I believe my life has been like everyone else’s in that I have done really great things and have amazing memories and I have been pretty much scummy also at times. I have said beautiful words that have inspired and I have said careless words that have cut people to the quick. I have told the truth and I have lied. I believe this is everyone’s story with just the details different.

For my part, I am ashamed of the sins in my life and am truly sorry for them. And I wish I could go door to door and confess but I don’t know where all over the world some moved to or last names now or whatever so have to rely on God to help them forgive me.

But I praise God where He has given me grace and mercy. There is no sin too little or too great that His grace cannot cover it with His forgiveness and purify us with His blood. He is perfectly capable of restoring our souls where we are at our level. And He can and will restore our souls in heaven someday soon. And all the regrets and sadness of people lost and loneliness and hurt and every ugly thing will instantly be forgotten and us restored to full life in our incredible Jesus Christ. And that day is soon and I long for it for my family.

At the same time, I have sadness for those left behind. It will get harder, much harder, when that happens. And I want everyone to be saved, as God also wants every precious soul saved. He loves us oh so much.

So, I guess my thoughts on my past are really a distraction. I am made right by God through the sacrifice of Jesus and I have a job to do now. So onward I go and keep moving forward and someday it will be moving up. Praise God, everyone. Praise Him, friend. I thank Him for you and remind you how greatly you are loved and considered precious!❤

Remembering Lessons from Daddy

Today was my Daddy’s birthday. I have been thinking of him a lot. I miss him. More than that, I wish my kids could have known him better. But I assembled a list of key facts and morality codes he lived by that will benefit them and anyone seeking wisdom.

1. Daddy always told the truth. He did not lie and detested lies. Yes, you have to face the consequences if you did something wrong but the consequences for lying are a slow death inside and misery along the way so far worse. Truth is always the right answer.

2. Daddy loved God, family and country in that order. No exceptions. Daddy would fight to the death for any of those and in that order. He was a junior high Sunday school teacher and church song leader, a faithful husband, great provider, loving father, and former Marine and lifelong farmer. This was proof, which you always provide when you believe in something.

4. Daddy was very generous and secretive about it. He loved anonymous gift giving and was quite sneaky about it. He saw more rewards for helping without notoriety or reward, knowing then that God gives greater eternal rewards in heaven. Pretty smart cookie.

5. Daddy saw black and white and had no time or patience for gray. It was right or wrong. Dismiss the wrong and live the right. No in betweens, no compromising the right ever.

6. Daddy loved nature. He tended his fields with a passion for their Maker and appreciated, knew and coaxed the soil and plants to perfection. He was an amazing farmer and loved nature.

7. Daddy sang like an angel. He was big and strong, had taught boxing in the service, ran and repaired heavy equipment, farmed, was tough as nails but always sang like an angel for Jesus. You use the gifts you were given. You just do.

8. Daddy put everyone first. God was first and foremost but everyone followed after. He never saw a stranger, picked up hitchhikers, helped countless people move, took great care of us and all our family members, helped out friends with car repairs, even after a double shift. If he could do it, he knew he should.

9. Daddy loved me unconditionally. He was the only one other than God. Yes, sometimes he disagreed with my choices, but he alway was there loving me, there for me, eager to provide for me, had my back. Always. My rock. My secure person.

10. Daddy was faithful to my mom. He is the only man I know of who has been. No porn, no cheating, turned off raunchy shows or even commercials, looked away at trashy dressed women, never even side glanced. He was faithful to her, even when she weighed over 300 pounds. Didn’t matter, that was his sweat heart and he loved her. Proved it.

So, I hope everyone sees the example of my daddy as one to follow as a human. Of course Jesus is a greater example, but daddy pretty good too. I am proud and honored to have been his daughter.

Happy birthday in heaven, daddy! I sure do love and miss you.❤❤

Never Forget the Bad

The wounds you bore, the mistakes you made, the pain you survived, every tear cried, never forget. But remember for the right reasons. Remember that the enemy and bad choices made all those things but God has healed them all or is in the process of it as soon as you humbly ask Him to. Remember where you have been in order to bring glory to God for getting you through and saving your soul for eternity from such devastation. Never forget what God has brought you through. Forget to glorify God and forgive it all, even yourself, and then deny these things power over your present, learning that God’s salvation and life is far greater for you and for eternity. I am proud of where I have been because praise God He got me through them wiser and humbler. Our history needs to be reflected on sometimes not to go back or grow bitter but to forgive and realize what God brought us through and never to go back to it. Forgetting or drowning the past in distractions or drugs/addictions of choice prevent the full lesson. Sometimes greater than the pain of that time is the longer drawn out pain of remaining there and not allowing God to heal you and complete the leason. People believe the lie that it will hurt more but the truth is that God frees completely. ❤

About Plateaus

Ya know, in life we have ups and downs. And generally we don’t appreciate the ups fully until we hit those downs. And of course when we are in the downs, we desperately long for the ups that we will again not fully appreciate and so on. That is the way of it. Most t hj ings n in nature God created to want to be neutral. All things were designed to be in balance with each other. It is true in chemistry, which I love, and biology and virology (for the most part) and microbiology (all of these of which I have studied in great depth in earning my science based doctorate).

Enter plateaus. These are the flatlands, thr neutral spaces, the balanced places, the waiting games places where nature is most content and we are not. These places I have come to accept and truly appreciate, for the ups and downs are not present here. Something has to happen to change the plateau. For weight loss, it is to try to change the proportions or mix up the menu or change the exercise. In life, a change event has to happen to go up or down, like a loss or gain or accident or surprise. In nature, an imbalance has to happen for things to scurry to get balanced again. God designed this. These plateaus should be celebrated for they increase stability and balance and allow for some rest before the change comes. They are indeed created by God (like we are) to be a blessing. We still work in the plateau, we all still do our job, nature does its job, mitochondria and enzymes do their job, everything is working but not in a stressed out way. This is an absolutely beautiful place to be, friends. See it as a blessing as it was designed to be for you. ❤