The Lost Birthday

So my very good very loved friend and band brother that abandoned us for a psychotic, controlling female lacking music interest (horrific!), has a birthday in two days. We miss him. Makes me remember all the gigs, the great times, dinners, years of making beautiful music together. All a wash. This is the birthday in 2 days that is now lost, a wash, we cannot even talk yo him to wish him aw happy birthday, much less take him to dinner or give a gift. Well, just realized I still have one female creature to forgive and I thought I had gotten everyone. Lol Ah well, people make their own bad choices in life like I do sometimes, I guess. It affects everyone, so please take care and slow into decisions that devastate so many. And when you do have something great going on, please treasure it emphatically for you never know when a psychotic creature (I will forgive in a minute, don’t worry) will change everything. Love you. Hugs! ❤ 

Fading from the Forefront of my Mind

When we lose someone very close to us, someone dearly loved, for some of us who feel very deeply, it is a heavy weight for a very long time. And almost a year later, I am finally starting with God’s constant help and comfort, to move the missed loved one from the forefront of my mind into a section of beautiful memories that are available for recall. There is a fading that God blessed me with and generously granted me, a not-the-first-thing-I-think-about day, night and in the middle anymore. God is generously by grace filling those positions with Himself because like a little persistent child, I keep asking Him to. It is debilitating to keep someone alive in your mind when they are no longer alive in your world. You have to start the process with God’s help of putting them back into the mind and keep God in the place of worship, focus, immediate thought. I had to and God has gradually allowed it and I am so thankful. I still miss him like crazy but I am here now, ready to serve and be present for God and my family and people in my spaces. Praise God!

Details of Memories Fade but Never Die

Don’t get me wrong, some memories you remember every detailof, they are intentional memories, something your heart at the moment told you “Hey, you’re gonna need this later, file it well and hang onto it” like precious last days with a parent or a first soft, sweet kiss or that deep breath in after hiking a mountain or the feel of applause after singing an original song in front of a large audience. These moments are cataloged and banked in their entirety, deep memories where everything about it is documented forensically. And these are staples to pull out of our minds in moments where we need reminders of success or love or tenderness ir empathy or just being a human being. But most memories, we archive the highlights, at least I do. I get the gist, the flavor but the details are always fuzzy. I am more a b ig picture person anyone and little details I have faith will work themselves out so don’t pay much attention to them. (Music and art are the exception.) And we remember how we felt more than what we wore, the awe or beauty of the moment rather than the weather. We remember highlights, at least I do. And while these fade for me over time, they attention never gone forever, never forgotten forever, never dead. Memories are alive as long as we are. It is imperitive to make them good ones. We must make as many good as possible. And those horrible ones, we must ask God to diminish and forgive where we can so memories strengthen and support and not bind in fear. Keep the good and ask God to take the bad and heal you and help you forgive so it does not cause harm or limitations.

Picture Perfect

I take a lot of pictures. Maybe it is the artist in me or the romantic in me. I keep them. I keep pictures to remind me because I am very forgetful. I keep pictures of people that hurt me because I have this strange ability to still value the good before the hurt and I also believe every hurt helps shape you to the person you are right now. I would not be so strong had I had one of those easy lives I hear so much about where a flat tire is about the worst thing they’ve ever faced. So pictures remind me of how God has blessed me and allowed me to be tested, of great friends and not so nice ones, of me before and me after. So, I had 3,299 pics stored in my camera. I just saved them on a flash and relieved my poor phone of chlosterphobia. Lol so, now my memories are safe and I can dust them off and remind myself how far God has brought me. He brought me to the best place of my life where He is God and I am a humble little girl. That is the spot I need and strongly desire to stay. Pictures reenact in my mind the memory and refresh the vacations and uplift the soul. I am so thankful for the luxury of pictures and thank God for every memory He brought me to and through. He is so good! 

Memorial Day Quotes

“On thy grave the rain shall fall from the eyes of a mighty nation!” ~Thomas William Parsons

“In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved.” ~President Franklin D. Roosevelt

“Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.” ~President John F. Kennedy

“And they who for their country die shall fill an honored grave, for glory lights the soldier’s tomb, and the beauty weeps the brave.” ~Joseph Rodman Drake

“We come, not to mourn our dead soldiers, but to praise them.”~Francis A. Walker

“They hover as a cloud of witnesses above this Nation.”~Henry Ward Beecher

“Our debt to the heroic men and valiant women in the service of our country can never be repaid. They have earned our undying gratitude. America will never be repaid. They have earned our undying gratitude. America will never forget their sacrifices.”~President Harry S. Truman

“For love of country, they accepted death.”~President James A. Garfield

“Greater love hath no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”~Jesus Christ

To all who gave all for us all, we remember. We love you for you showed us the greatest love. We know what you did and give ou respect and honor. God bless your families and God bless America!!!! We surely need it.

A Walk Through Pictures

I take a lot of pictures. Partly because I am an artist and extremely visual and partly because I have a horrible memory about specifics sometimes and like to have the pic to remind me of the details. It jogs the memory. And being so visual, it takes me to the very spot again and I can relive it in my mind. And as I went through so many beautiful pictures of so many varied events, from family vacations to my kids’ endeavors to my band family and gigs to my Daddy in various stages of decline to nature around us which is amazing to home improvements and so many things. I love to think back. Some things seem like they happened yesterday and some things hard to believe happened. I vaguely remember the year leading up to and after my Daddy’s death, so much was going on. I think what a blessing it was to have the band’s and gigs then for a creative outlet while caretaking and the slow plague of dementia. And now both bands are so different, one we have moved on from and one we are reworking and taking a break from. A pantry lives and breathes where there was a blank slate. Other major house changes are here now. People have moved out of and into our lives. We have traveled and relaxed in some beautiful places. And I see and remember. And I am super super blessed by it all. I feel so blessed to have been a part of so many great things, a part of my good family, a part of other people’s lives. We are so very blessed!

Memories that Stay

We all have regrets, mostly memories that haunt us because of being incomplete or unresolved or abruptly change or all of the above. There can be unforgiveness or the ever present wish that things had gone differently or you had known such and such at the time or what not. And these things (as I often over think things and reminisce in my ever-thinking, over-reaching, hyperactive brain) can bite you and consume way too much energy. What I have found to be helpful is a combination of reason, objective analysis, thought of both sides, acceptance, and forgiveness. A much more efficient plan, and I confess I just learned how to do this, is to go straight to acceptance that God is in control and in charge and knows best and then forgive myself for my part and/or the other party involved foe their part. And if you can see that clearly to do that right away, oh how clear the mind becomes and how much less cluttered the file cabinets of the mind. Truly, no amount of stewing or brewing or reining or regretting or remembering can change one iota of the present and quite conversely can hinder present energy and happiness. Just a thought.