Tired of Waiting

I am waiting for heaven. I am not sure how to wait more gracefully, but God can guide me as I pray. I am needing His grace, His peace, His joy in this ever darker world. Evil is ramping up around us. I can feel it, we all can. It is ugly and I want to go home. Heaven is the home of all who n put their trust in Jesus Christ for their salvation and love and seek God then live for Him. Thank God for the Bible or we would not know what that looks like. Dear Lord, I know you are coming soon but are delaying out of grace to save as many as possible. Please help me help your cause in any way I can, please help me and my family and friends to be ready. I love you, Jesus!

The Day It Is

I live in the now. I remember the past very well with an excellent memory but do not live there. I plan for the future, God willing, and believe in being moderately prepared but I do not live there. I live in the now. Here. Right now. I live in the moment. Does that mean I don’t always pay attention to what I might be doing wrong that could cause something bad down some hypothetical road? Nope. Living now, right here, does not mean you are any more an idiot than someone always in the past or always in the future. See, it requires a great deal of faith to live right now and not worry about later. It takes a lot of forgiveness and God’s healing to not live in the past. But now, if I live right here and live life always conscientious of the way God wants me to live in love and truth, I am humbly walking with Him and can have a conversation with Him, all other distractions of past and future being limited. And right now is all we have at this moment. We can be closer to God if we use our minutes well and focus on Him and live life to the fullest in His arms and presence. Isn’t that the very best life we can live? I think so too. 🙂 

What if Jesus is Coming Back Very Soon?

I have seen a lot of YouTube videos on end times. I am sure everyone has. There is a tug at my spirit, though, that longs for Him to come but prays He delays so more can be saved, my family, my friends, even my enemies. But we have to be ready when He comes, no matter how long He delays in His grace and mercy for those dragging their spiritual behinds. Jesus is Coming soon, the question is how soon? And that is really just a secondary question.The first question is what do I need to do to be spiritually ready? That answer is why the Bible was written. We are to humble our hearts and souls before the Creator God and admit we are sinners (we are not perfect), believe Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection paid for our sins and accept His sacrifice for our sins. Then we pray all the time, we read the Bible, we find a good church that just lovingly preaches the truth of the Bible as is and do your best to live according to that Bible. Obey God. Focus on Him. Forgive everyone in your life who has wronged you, whether they asked or deserve it or not. Ask God’s forgiveness for every wrong you have done. Love and tell this plan to everyone you can. That is what to do to be ready. Focus, focus, focus. Even if it is years, you would never lose spiritually if you live this way. In fact, life would be greatly better this way. 🙂 ❤ 

Narcissists Should Change

Among us Earthlings, we have really good people who love their maker God. We also have these selfish souls who have decided they are their own best gods and must have made themselves and made everyone else to exist for their benefit. These people are called narcissists. Narcissists take and never give, much like entitled parasites. They demand but never give. They insist upon their way, their praises, our worship and give back only more demands and enough of whatever we desire to get their way and hot one drop more. They shapeshift to keep from being found out, they lie and coerce and manipulate and require praise and worship in return. They appear perfect and make every effort to be charming and delightful and put up such a great front that everyone insists this is an amazing person. The perception of them changes as soon as they reveal their true colors and cold heart and have drained their forced worshipers of their life and energy and moved on to greener pastures, better, younger, higher energy, undamaged, strong so they can eat well and feed their egos anew. And until these people humble themselves before God and acknowledge Him as the One who should be worshipped (until they are forced to their knees on judgment day and it is too late), they will only be as temporarily happy ad their next conquest and will never know truth and God’s peace and lasting joy. They will continue to terrorize and bully and play these immature games until they draw their last breath. Narcissists need to change. For their sake and the sake of all of society. Our beautiful world is more and more polluted by these creatures and good people are unapologetically hurt every day. If change is not executed and true change only Jesus can bring, these folks will be required to continue being their own God into eternity and be separated from the real powerful God of the universe. And I don’t wish that on anyone.

My Mental Status

People that actually love me were concerned about my mentality for a few minutes/months there when my world cam screeching to a hault. I had three people I loved to varying degrees die or die to me at a time. It was the deepest, darkest valley I have ever walked through, and I have been raped, had people die, moved across country alone, been homeless a little, had to walk to work many miles across town and so on. I felt this one hardest because it was incredibly deep meaningful people to me gone all of a sudden and a one that remained were attacking and criticizing me for having feelings about that. And for a while I must admit I was deeply depressed. That is saying something for a girl who had always fou d the best in things and who laughs for any reason at all or makes up a reason. I was shattered and broken, a real mess of a disaster. And I fell into a deep darkness. I had some people far away who loved me and my kids but I felt so very alone and crushed and hopeless. The bottom dropped out. And seriously, I adnm the nicest person I know. lol So, here the story gets good. I adnm this pathetic mess of a disaster and now I have a choice. Give up and stay depressed forever or allow the brokenness to lay me humbly before Jesus and ask Him to fix me. Do I didn’t ask because my words did not come. I cried for the billionth time and humbly looked up and said two words. Ready? “Jesus, help”. That was it. No one to hold, no one to see my tears, alone in my room and this is all I could muster. And you know what? It was enough. In two seconds, it felt like someone put arms around me and filled my heart with something better than what was there, I felt arms around me and I had to look again and make sure noone was there, it felt so real. I started healing right then and there. All of a sudden I felt like God’s little girl again. I felt life again. I laughed again. I mattered again. And the truth of it struck me immediately. Even if I am completely alone in this world, as long as I have Jesus, I am complete and rich beyond words. I truly need nothing but Him. So now I am stronger everyday and wiser. God is great.

The Power of Love

Love in its purest form is the unconditional type from God. People are really good at putting conditions on love because we are flawed. We want things our way, we are afraid to give in too much or let our guard down too much because we can’t handle the thought of rejection or hurt. So we as a society tend to put conditions on people, complete with our judgmental ideas. Some are worse than others based on their pride level. In fact, some say they will only give love if you act like this or keep away from these people or so on. This is not love. Like I said, the love God teaches and shows us is unconditional and accepting mixed with truth of who He is and we are as His workmanship. I love like this to the best of my ability. I am a very deep feeling creature so I do have emotional hurt when love is unreturned or disrespected but someone else’s behavior to me does not change my love for them. I can love anyway. I choose to love anyway. In fact, I cannot love any other way. I am all in or nothing at all. And that can hurt deep when thrown out but the amazing thing about God and His love. He repairs it and grows me and does this so well that I am stronger and love even deeper. I think we as God’s kids need to love people like that. More powerful than any controlling darkness and evil surrounding us, even coming into our homes, God help us, His love is what can counter that. God’s truth and acceptance and love is a beacon light, an all powerful force standing up to any opposition. I am proud of Him. I want to love like that. I choose to. It is risky to love passionately and exposes you to severe damage and torment but God will always heal that stronger. Always. He honors us loving well and serving well. He blesses that. I love you! I always will!

My Best Friend

Jody and I were playing on the ride on trucks in the twos and threes Sunday School class, both very into playing hard and generally only with each other. We look up at the same time and see this skinny little prim and proper girl with a shiny headband in her short proper chocolate hair and the shiniest black dress shoes at the end of bright white tights we ever had seen in our lives. Our first impression of this picture perfect little shy girl with chipmunk cheeks was as unforgettable as the unforgettableness of her stunning internal beauty this best friend of mine has been in my life. Let me tell you the enormous blessing from God my best friend is. Since that day, we three were the “Three Musketteers” and we’re as together as you can be living separately except for sleepovers. We went to church together, school together, parks together, everything. Since the age of three we have had each others’ parents raise us as well as our own. Now, Jody went away from us in high school when she went to a different school and followed a different crowd but we still miss and love her desperately. But despite everything, Shawny and I have been best friends as long as we can remember. And even though we married and have kids and live far away from each other, we see each other when we can and always keep in touch regularly and inspire each other in the Lord. When I am weak, she is strong and visa versa. We help each other and know each other inside and out, probably more than we know ourselves. Lol I am so very blessed to have this amazing woman of God in my life and I want to publicly thank God and her for the gift that she is. No better hearted person exists in the world. She loves on her teenage girls and husband that try her enormous patience and never gives up on them. She loves God with all her heart and never gives up on Him even when she feels like little is happening. She never gives up on me and accepts my weirdness as a part of me and that is truly heroic. She gets me and pretty much no one else truly does but Jesus. I feel so very special and nd honored to be her best friend and I will continue that role until the day Jesus calls me/us home. Thank you, Shawny! I love you!!! Hugs!!! Thank you, God, for her!!