The Beauty of Separation

Sometimes, as has happened in my life and so many others I know of, a separation occurs. A betrayal or abandonment or broken promise. Sometimes it is in a marriage where one decides to up and leave, sometimes a close friend drops you unexpectedly like a bad habit, sometimes you are fired all of a sudden. I believe it is worse where emotional attachments and history together have accumulated. But whatever the betrayal, it is very common in our out for me kind of culture we are finding ourselves in. And when confronted with such a deep wound and heavy heartache, which you feel will literally kill you from the brokenness, you want to say or scream or cry different messages to the offender at different times. You really want to have kept things as they were or stayed in the relationship or what have you and that one-sidedness is what hurt the most maybe. It is a blatant rejection, and you question yourself and everyone and nothing makes sense anymore for a while, it was about a year for me. At a year, I reflected and learned this… there is a beauty in separation you can sometimes obtain in no other way. When someone was removed from your life, quite often God knew something that you did not, maybe about their moral character or your unhealthy over-attachment or their financial insufficiencies or your struggle with them to be who you were meant to be or what have you. There are a myriad of reasons we may not even be aware of. For instance, a man God saved me from that at the time I believed was perfect for me I later ended up finding out he had been a wife beater and cheater and dead beat dad and lived off of women. Yuck! I was young and naive and blindly in deep love but God saved me despite my protests and saved me again and then comforted me and brought me close to Himself. That would never have happened had the painful at the time separation never occurred. So my point is that God knows full well what is best for you and you can trust Him explicitely. He’s got your back. You cannot see what is in another person’s heart but God can and does. And if your heart must be broken to make something much more beautiful from it, it is well worth the pain and God comforts and gives peace and joy as He heals you. God can be trusted. Take what is dealt you where separation is the case. Often it is for your best and with God, He always makes beauty from the deepest of wounds.❤

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Wrestling Tides

A futile endeavor is the wrestling of tides.

I gain the upper hand just to lose it again.

It pushes and pulls me and draws me deep.

This is life with its ebbs and flows.

This is romance with its comes and goes.

And it exhausts and you arrive on the beach

Drained of energy, soaked through with stress sweat.

And I watch this in others, remembering the game once played,

Thr wrestling of tides I once did too,

Now so glad God granted me favor and closeness with Him

So now I am above the waters, looking on.

I am no longer in the water, now in the heavenlies.

I rise above the tide and wrestle it no more.

Why more do not decide this, I know not,

But I am grateful for the renewed energy.

I thank God.❤

Being too Busy

I never ever want to be too busy for someone who needs me. It is easy to be. We get so wrapped up, even in very very good things (but more often its stupid little entertainment or tech things). But may I never be guilty of the sin of over-busyness where I disobey God’s direction for me because I am too busy with anything else. So I am working on that. I want Him to return (soon) and catch me obeying and not being busy with nonsense. ❤

A Tale of Two Women

There were two sisters who were born only 15 months apart. Both girls were raised in a Christian home, went to Christian school and church, and had parents that prayed with them at mealtimes and bedtime and had a hard-working father and mother who was a housewife. Both girls were taught the same, brought up with the same morals. Despite these commonalities, there were some differences. The greatest was that one daughter was favored and a bit privaleged by the residing parent and the other girl had to do all the work. Regardless, the girls ended up quite different. And it is opposite what most people think of. The privaleged, favored child did not appreciate being treated so well. She did not grow up happy at her better treatment. No. She ended up jealous and spoiled. The girl who was treated to all the work appreciated life more, loved nature, felt confident that she could take care of herself (because of her experience doing so) and yhis girl was happy. 

So, my point is that spoiling your kid is not beneficial. Neglecting is not good either but there must be a proper work load on your kid to give them self-confidence and enjoyment of accomplishment that only comes from doing something. One learns nothing from doing nothing, but one learns something from doing something.❤

Still Sick, Still Going

Living my life sick is like living 100 miles an hour as a snail. I feel like I am barely moving through a whirlwind. But such is life. Everything is done. My illness will be soon. My daddy always taught me to push through. And except for sleeping in until 11am this morning, I have pushed through. Worked on band things, worked on the house, shopped, did crafts and school with my daughter, cooked a all while blowing my nose a hooked coughing all day, and I am still alive. Thank you, Lord, for that. But now it is time to sleep. And thank God for that!😄 God bless you and I hope you don’t catch this virus. ❤

Not So New Year

Was it New Year’s Day recently? Someone said that but somehow it seems like ages ago. In fact, I barely remember the day. I remember New Year’s Eve because we had a great gig that night, but after that it is a blur. Maybe it was completing 30 CEUs (continuing education units) in 3 days. Maybe it was no school during that time. Maybe it was the cold that my family was good enough to share with each other and I finally now have a turn at. Maybe it was demands of a new band ensemble (however that one is fun- they are great!). Maybe it was fishing one whole day in cold weather. Who knows, but time has flown by sincerely fast. But today, today we were back to school. I saw two patients. I contacted all 3 of our agents to try to get more bookings. I got caught up on dishes and cleared the desk off. I spoke to a friend. I cooked successful meals for picky people. Today, I felt alive and present all day even swimming in this head cold. I accomplished everything. Sick as a dog. I am still up now because my nose is threatening to run down my face. I feel it slipping. Well, I will try to get some sleep I really need for I am coaching 2nd and 3rd grade PE tomorrow, among many other things, but that one is first thing in the morning. May you not catch this annoying cold! And may we also forget New Year’s Day admmnd every day from our past, realizing that this day, this moment right here is the n one that counts. “Look past only to forgive. Look future for hope’s motivation. Look now to live fully.”~me 😄❤

On Feeling Alone

It is a lie that we are ever alone. Sometimes I forget that and feel how I am feeling right now… alone. My loving God is one humble prayer away. Yet sometimes I forget and have to remind myself. Why? What is so great that it blocks my vision? And the answer I determined is that it is a cumulation of little things, a myriad of distraction bricks that add up to one large brick wall to shade me from the brilliant truth. The anniversary of my Daddy’s death, the death of a great friend, the rejection and abandonment of another, kids needs, spousal needs, being constantly criticized, demands of time, coaching, leading choir, the band, teaching, cleaning houses, etc. It seems like I should be savagely content with so many people around me pressing in at every turn. But these things, at the end of the day, drain me and as I sit in the dark alone in my room, waiting for my brain to stop so my sleep can come, I wish strong arms would hold me and I feel so so very alone. The distractions, you see, again forged a chasm between the many things requiring my time and attention and my precious Savior who should have it all. My priorities flipped and I confess that I need alone time with God desperately. So tomorrow I will arise early and walk with Him. And He will help me as He always has done and I will get my mind right with His help. I will remember that He is always with me, always loves me and comforts those who mourn and admit they need Him. And I will repent of my falling for the distraction scheme and busyness and remember that no is a good word when you need time with God, nothing wrong with that. Yes can never be the only word or the distraction liars will walk all over me again. Tired of that. I will fight. God will help as He always does. ❤❤❤