Hanging on to a deep hurt from our past is like clenching a secret box of pain or bad choices or addiction that we have made a treasure of. We protect it. We keep it. We, like Gallum of the Lord of the Rings book series by J. R. Tolkien, call it “my precious” and would die to keep it and protect it.
Meanwhile, this protected box, though feeling familiar and safe and only ours, is killing us softly, keeping us bondage to it. We think we are holding our box but that box is holding us.
How do you feel safe enough to let it go? Only one way. We have to choose to do so. We have to humbly want to put the box down. As soon as we want Him to, God will take it from you. And He is with you along the way trying to get your attention to let you know life is better without that evil box we have been treasuring. Forgiveness is release of the pain and hurt in full pardon- you choose to forgive. Prayer is a powerful tool to help get you there. Love is too.
Let me encourage you by saying how freeing and light is to put the bad box treasure down. You feel as though you can fly without it. It is beautiful! And God is so very good!😄❤
We love gigging. It is how we met, is extra pocket money for us, is a shared music passion, is our only mutual hobby and really all we do together other than eat. So gigging with our band or at church is amazing to us, we live it. God gives us joy but we get our sheer happiness and bliss from music, the talent God gave us.
However, as we are not younger and younger but quite the opposite is in fact true, it is quite a pain to load and unload the equipment twice per gig, lots of gear and we carry for everyone. It is a lot, it is heavy, and it is time consuming. We try to minimize this by having our kids be our roadies (for a little pocket money). This helps but today that didn’t work because they were not here. And as my husband’s knees are needing replacement, I have the crux of the load. It is a lot of work.
But I have never been a stranger to hard work. And to be truthful (and please add dramatic pause for I am about to make a deep, poignant statement), you receive much fuller joy when you have to work for it, even if it hurts. When it costs something, it is worth more. When you work for it, it is sweeter.😄 ❤
To be everything to a man
Then be nothing,
Knowing now someone else is everything to him,
Feeling the sting of knowing him
Better than anyone
Then being discarded,
To love deeper than anyone
Then be hated by the beloved,
This pain is unfathomable.
This pain should be illegal.
This pain keeps biting after the snake is dead.
The pain is deep.
Never do this to anyone.
Never provide this pain.
Take care who you choose to love.
Take care whose love you accept.
Take care of love while you have it.❤
As a doctor, I know some stuff about medicine and the human body. And I have read up on many illnesses, they just fascinate me because of my love for humanity and how things work. And a book I read about leprosy opened my eyes to the appreciate pain as a valuable part of life. He documented lepers throughout their illnesses as he treated them. Their biggest problem and sadness was not being able to feel pain, so they would get wounds they didn’t know about. They wanted more than anything to feel pain because they stated they don’t feel alive or a part of life without it. Pain is connection. Since reading that book, I look at pain differently. We barely grow in character with good times, however immense growth and character development happens through pain. At least for me it works that way. I don’t go searching for pain still, but if it comes, I am appreciative of the lesson I search out. It is a good part of connection, learning and life. ❤
So our grown son (from my husband’s previous marriage), the Marine and all around really great guy (maybe a tad biased), gave us the wham banger news that his wife of 4-ish years just left him for her ex-fiance of ancient past, the one who wouldn’t commit. Yep. We were going to visit them this week. Now, instead, he is moving alone out west to room with a Marine brother and a fresh start because he loves her sincerely and everything there is her. And I got to thinking. I had that happen in my ancient past… dumped for an unworthy ex after years of commitment and mutual love. And some people are a blessing in your life when they are there and some are are greater blessing when they go. It is impossible to say and realize that for about are year and that is are fact. Before a year is up, you only say it through clenched jaw. But how much worse to end up in many years with someone who hates you and has run you into the ground or stolen your freedom and identity and taken all your purpose to suit them and then threw you out or selfishly cheated. And like I was, he is blessed to start afresh and have us praying for him and encouraging him, and whatever God had for Him can be more apparent without someone half there and unsupportive. Nonetheless, as horrible as divorce is, sometimes you are forced to face it and change everything and that is never easy. So if you think of it, please pray for our son to find the path God wants Him now. God is the healer of hearts and Maker and Lifter of our heads. Thank you and God bless us, everyone!❤
If you are going to say something, please be are you mean it. I have been mentally cataloging the sins I have committed against other people, and my greatest crime has always been flippant with words. Sometimes, I have lied (I do my best not to now at all), sometimes I have joked at someone’s expense, sometimes I have said the truth in a jerky way, often I have said the wrong thing and offended someone. And it kills me because I cannot undo that and it is people I cannot apologize to because I can’t find them or no one knows where they went, etc. And it is way too many people to find anyway. And I know I will be accountable on judgment day for every careless word I have uttered and every lie I have told. So I am broadcasting this apology to anyone I ever hurt or lied to with my words. (Shawn, please post this on Facebook.) “I am truly from the bottom of my heart sorry for any careless, hurtful or lying word I have ever uttered to you. I am sorry. Please forgive me.” And now it takes me a minute to speak. I am making it a point to think first instead of prattle on at breakneck speed. I have learned to be wiser from God and have felt this conviction. Truth has been my theme for quite a while, the theme of my blog, but I was forgetting to beg forgiveness for my past where truth and flippant comments were unfortunately a part of my everyday life. It is not so now, God has changed me, but I need to apologize for any harm my words brought to another. And please understand the power of our words. They have the power to harm so deeply and fortunately also the power to heal and restore and forgive and encourage. Use them wisely for God’s worship and nd advancement. I am doing my best too right alongside you. ❤
To lose your husband unexpectedly has to be one of the hardest experiences of life. He was young, no more than 50. Not ill. Never had a sign of suffering or pain, just died overnight out of nowhere. Wake up next to a dead body instead of your husband. That is what happened this morning to my good, long time friend Susie. She had no idea that the “I love you. Sweet dreams” would have been the last time she said that ever. My heart throbs for her, tears flow. I am dropping my afternoon plans to be with her. I don’t know what to say but I know beyond all doubt that I need to keep her company and be there for and with her. So, I will cry with her, hold her, love her. And when things happen, changing your own plans is the Jesus thing to do. She has God’s peace but I need to be arms for her for Jesus.❤