I tell you, my ex was $3,500 in the hole on child support before I finally took him to court. The judge did not like him one bit. His smooth talk did not flatter her. His excuses were not appreciated by her. She ordered him to give a form to his employee to garnish his wages. He quit that job a week later. And had a good job and just quit again recently. See, he doesn’t really like to work. And here is the comedy part… he thinks work is beneath him. He thinks he is charming enough for people to pay him for his presence. Bahaha. But the thing is, my son has to see this and has to wait sometimes for things he needs. Thank God for my husband who loves him and helps with things he needs. I appreciate so much a an who will help with my son. It shows love to me that he is willing to step up and be the responsible father my ex does not seem capable of being. Nowadays, most kids are in marriages with step parents. Ideally, the parents stay together, but we are imperfect and sometimes cannot. It is so important before you remarry if you do choose to remarry that you take into consideration the love the stepdad has for your child/children you already have. And look how he treats his own kids if he has them. It is so n important your kids feel loved as much as you do. They can’t help it and already received soaking up and learning how to treat their future kids by the example shown them. That is never something to be taken lightly. Just a thought.
At band practice tonight, I was joking around with a new girl and heard the bandleader say we would do the verse and chorus. Well, we were playing and those of us on this side played the verse and the chorus but on the other side of the stage (where my husband was) they played something else and without thinking I yelled over, “He said the verse and chorus so I was right.” Well, that was the wrong thing to say, especially while still laughing about something else that was said. So my husband felt disrespected and was fuming the rest of the night and went to bed early mad. So here is a confession of insensitivity to publicly say I was wrong and to show how even people who mean well make mistakes when they blurt things out without thinking. Case in point, we brought a friend to church who does not go with his parents and while there the preacher’s kid teased him and name called about his size. Needless to say, she probably thought she was funny but she totally alienated our friend to church and maybe more. The things we say, especially when joking or sleepy or off guard, well they count. They matter and people can get wounded by them. So, honey, I am very sorry for my rudeness and insensitivity. Please forgive me. And God, please help me with keeping my mouth closed.
The star of the workplace breakfast is the Doughnut. The Doughnut has the attention, the mouths drool, the doughnutless are envious, the one with the doughnuts is the hot one. No one cares that a Doughnut has very little healthy substance inside. No one cares that they will be hungry again in about 10 minutes, the Doughnut still rules and dictates status. And then there are the Doughnut holes, the forgotten, the table scraps, the only get attention if the doughnuts are gone ones. These little guys do not wow, only make you drool with anticipation if you’re starving. They are easily discarded. And life is so very funny in that one minute you can be the Doughnut, envied, have attention, make them drool, wow the masses or just that special someone and the next few minute thrown the heck out like dirty bathwater on a cold day as you turned into the Doughnut hole status. You are suddenly loved, unlovable, ugly, thrown out, easily dismissed for the next or past Doughnut that comes into the room. This is the way of the world. Never content, flippant, selfish, unkind. I have a friend who was a model and it was amazing after aging 10 years how she could no longer get hired. My own kids play with a toy with great atte tion u til something else flashes before them and they have to have the new thing (of course momma don’t play that lol) and some people never outgrow that compulsion for the next new thing, despite what they paid for the last version, mind you only a few months old. And people discard people like that sometimes too, reminding e of the annoying popular crowd cliques from high school. It is prevalent in the world now. But the thing is that to God, the One who made you, you never cease to be a Doughnut but better, a Doughnut that is extremely appealing but also has substance so is healthy to others. We are all so very precious to God, if to no one else in the world. He sees us as He made us to be. He draws us to Himself. He is the Baker, you see. The doughnuts are His and He takes great pride in hand crafting each one.
When you pour yourself into someone or something like a business or a relationship or project or love, you naturally expect success, you expect to make a difference, impact lives, help, be profitable, be loved, be appreciated, and you are always so at some point. But sometimes failure happens. It happened in my marriage, in my business, in relationships, in many ways. Failure has happened to me often in my life. And yet I am not a failure. Why? Because each and every failure is a success IF it teaches you something and grows you. Faith is shaken when you let one failure be the end of your trying. However, faith grows when you realize you can put the effort out but God dire ts the results for our good. Does He want us to fail? Here is the tricky part… Sometimes He does. Does that mean He loves us less? No, He love us more. How can that be? God thinks in eternal big picture for everyone’s a d especially His good. He uses details to accomplish the big picture. Had you not learned to be humble from this failure, you would never later be successful in this other more important area. If you had not been betrayed and thus learned that God is the only One we should trust, we may have trusted this other business person later who was trying to destroy the company. If you had’t failed because you were impatient in this scenario you would’t understand the value of patience and might jump headfirst into unsavory arrangements. We fail to be taught things for our good. If you live in the failure you do not learn the lesson and will be crippled by it. If you search out the lesson then you are much smarter for it and more capable. People learn surprisingly little from success but failure is an excellent teacher.
I seem to be unable to remove myself from my firm belief that if people saw into my heart and my reasons for what I do or say that they would instantly realize it is out of love and a genuine and honest desire for the best for the recipient. But time and time again I am humbled because I don’t realize that people can’t see my motives. Only God can do that. No one else can see your heart, see into you. They can only see as much as you expose. Those who can see past that and choose to are rare exceptions and will either accept and love you for it or reject you for it. It is their choice. And no matter how extraordinarily beneficial what you are trying to help with is, you cannot EVER make anyone do anything they don’t decide to do. You cannot push a rope. And there is a great and deep feeling of frustration and helplessness watching someone hurting because they reject your help. There is a helplessness in wanting to fix something that either cannot be fixed by you or that they don’t want fixed. It is a hopeless feeling, shakes your will up, makes your gears go from drive to park in a hurry. You cannot make a disease go away. You cannot make someone love you. You cannot make an addict not be an addict. You cannot make anyone care about anything. So many things are completely without your power to help, no matter how amazingly beautiful and sacrificial and meaningfully well intended your words or actions are. Many things are helpless, hopeless. And if that were the end of the story, that would be a really sucky story. In fact, I would hate it and give up on ever trying to help anyone (well, maybe just a reduction lol). So, what do you do when you are really good at loving and someone won’t let you love them? You do the only thing you can do, the only thing within your power to do. You pray. Your words do not ever fall on deaf ears, no matter how far away you think you are. And prayer gives the problem over to God, Who can actually help. Now that same person may be daft and reject even God’s help, but He has ways and options for love that we cannot know that person needs. Because He sees into all of us. He knows how we are cut, knows everything about us, has walked with us all our days before during and after construction. God is our only source of help and hope. And you soon realize that prayer is a superpower and the most important and active gift you can ever give to God and the other person and even yourself, because prayer releases us from the responsibility of it. It limits our responsibility to the workable doing what we can thing and giving God the rest. It is still the person’s choice always, but at least you offered it up to the greatest One to give them the best shot. And helplessness then turns to hopefulness and rest.
When things don’t happen the way they are supposed to, many people consider that a failure. Maybe it is on some level. One movie said “Failure can teach you what winning can not… that you don’t want to fail.” Maybe there is some validity to that. I saw a quote elsewhere that said failure teaches grace. Sometimes. I think the biggest lesson that the genius failure teaches is the most important lesson of all. Humble mortality. I have lived on my own and supported myself financially since I was 17 years of age, way too early, I grant you that. But that, mixed with little direction and less support, produced within me a succinct ability to fail at some things. It is very hard to do everything yourself and keep up with it all. Now failing was my best friend because I had a tendency to believe that I was indestructable, unable to be harmed, strong. Where I was strong and became much stronger, if I had not have my friend failure in my life, I would have still believed my ego’s song of my own greatness in surviving the game of life. Failure humbled me. It gave me an enourmous sense of mortality and allowed me to realize that maybe it wasn’t me doing all this, gave me the gift of appreciation to and of God who I know beyond all shadow of doubt was always protecting and blessing me. And sometimes I gave His guardian angel who looks after me (Lord bless this superior angel) a real run for his money. And without failure, I would not have learned empathy in the degree I have, for it was not a natural gift. It was a vague word other people used and I thought it denoted weakness. How little I knew and how much I learned from failing, that people hurt because of their own choices (usually) or at the hand of another and it is an amazingly enormous strength who can feel that with them and lift them up by it. Amazing. I digress. It was failure in relationships that got me to see what I needed in one, what I needed to be. Yeah, screwed that up a lot too, but being humble in a relationship is half the battle and failure gave me that resource. I am very grateful. God used life circumstances, good and bad, to teach me how to do this life thing. I am no genius and still am a work in progress but I am very grateful for God bringing me this far. And I am more grateful for the failures than the accomplishments. I couldn’t say that at the time, but I can speak to anyone in any circumstance and I have been there- lowest rung to highest highs and everywhere between. I can relate and so I can help, my favorite thing of all. So don’t be afraid to fail. Be more afraid when everything is going to well and you get feeling a little cocky. Then, my friend, your failure lesson will not be too close behind. Embrace it. The faster you remember God got you where you are, the faster the lesson will be over. Just a little tip there. Love you!