CEU Days

So, I am up for renewal of my Audiology license and every other year am forced with a smile to do 30 CEUs  (continuing education units).  I can only do 10 hours as day, so am forced to do them as such over a 3 day span to knock them out. It costs a heap of money and is intrusive but I understand why they exist… to make someone money and be a pain in the neck. But I also learn a tad bit. Being a doctor for 15 years, I know a little bit about my profession. I don’t know everything so it is a wee good in a skantish way. But anyway, I am plugging along, getting my first 10 finished and reported today. Two more days of this nonsense to go. Yippee. But as a bonus break because God loves me, we had an extra band practice tonight! Highlight of my study day for sure. We have the best band we have ever had and we are a great, positive family having a whole heap of fun and making the most amazing music together! It is a blessing and and half and I believe God put us together. No doubt in my mind. Thank you, God!❤ 


Teenage Struggle/I am Bible

As tears flow generously down the afore stained cheek, he mourns.

For loss of complete family and years of criticism, he breaks.

For neglect and demands and no free space, he wishes more.

While seeking meaning and purpose, he is scoffed.

In deep hormonal imbalance of teen season, he is insecure.

For him, I write love. I write courage. I write understanding. I write meaning. I write purpose. I write eternal security. I write truth. I am his Bible.❤

The Friend who Abandons You

I am still reeling over the loss of a friend. This friend was close to me and I invested a lot of time and resources into the relationship. I find it difficult to still love a person who suddenly disowns you. I guess I do not understand that mentality because I am am faithful friend and friends are adopted family to me. Maybe some people only see others as what they can get out of them and never really see friends as I do. Maybe people think differently because of hurts in their lives or upbringing or false beliefs they accept to believe that blinds them to the truth. And maybe people just choose to be mean and selfish because they want to be. Regardless, it still hurts deeply and I again will choose to cling to the Lord for help and hope. He is my comfort and strength and the best friend I will ever have. God loves me so much and will never abandon me. Thank you, God!❤

Why Thankful?

I watched news broadcasts on a horrible epidemic in my beautiful country, I believe induced by spiritual forces of despair, escapism and death. Why? Because Satan wants us (because we are God’s creation) all dead and his time is very short to accomplish this. He is pushing this heavy agenda with great fervor and greater ugliness. And it is seen in murders, bullying (verbal and physical abuse), drug addictions, fantasy addictions like video games, also drug use and lie acceptance (and porn as a sexual fantasy addiction), rapes, wars, hate, divorces and suicides. These things are happening worldwide but really prevalently. It is horrifying. And I watch these things with a breaking heart and wonder what we have to be thankful for. We live in a deeply troubled time, greatly burdened with sin and disasters- made by man and/or nature. And I searched and wondered what so many affected by horror have to be thankful for. And this is it. Hope. We all must be thankful that this awful-with-beautiful-moments world is not all there is. In fact, it is extremely temporary. And while here, we are required to determine where we will spend our future eternity. So it is not that this life is easily rushed through to get on with the next but that each day is an opportunity to be saved by the amazing grace of God through the person of Jesus Christ and purposefully decide to accept His gift of salvation and therefore a glorious and peaceful and joyful forever eternal without this sin crap. We have hope. This hope lives and no one can take it away from us ever without our permission. And I am thankful that all of us may choose life and hope and love over the evils of this world and that evil will not be around much longer. We will soon be free and glorified with God, every single person who chooses to be and humbly prays toward that end. Ah, sweet hope. It is here. I am so very thankful! ❤

Well Over a Year Apart

I still miss my Daddy. Don’t get me wrong, I am celebrating that he is whole and happy and in charge of the choir or farming in heaven or something he loves. I know he is happy and carefree now and full of life and basking in the rewards he accumulated doing great things on this earth. No doubt in my mind at all. But in this shell, I still miss him. I am depressed no more, God healed me of that, but I still get very quiet now and again. He always had my back. He was one of a very few. He loved me unconditionally. I was his little girl and still am. So, I have taken on his oxe-like strength and greater humbleness and asked God to retain these reminders of him and it has been granted. I also sing better now and I think that was also a gift passed down, a blessing. I remember his eyes dancing every time I walked in the room and his enormous smile. God is my Daddy now and I am content most days and only when I am weak is it not enough. That is dumb though, because God loves me perfectly. I guess that imperfect love that is real is ok to miss sometimes too, though. It is ok. I am ok with still missing him. But I know I will see him, probably sooner than later, the way the world is pushing things along. I am ready. Be ready too.❤

Fascilitating Joy

Every house is different. In our family, my husband is serious. Very serious. Almost grouchy often when people are not serious. Therefore, that leaves me, Mom, to bring on the joy to the home. I opt to get in trouble and endure the “Where is the adult in the room?” reprimands and criticisms so that my kids may learn the valuable skill of joy no matter what. We sing together a lot, dance, celebrate God’s creation, share jokes, play to help concrete the joy. It is something children need desperately. In truth, we all do. It is a lesson of infinite value. Joy is hope through misery, light through darkness and our strength when founded on Jesus. “The joy of the Lord is my strength”, David said. Absolutely it is. Don’t forget tod incorporate joy into your day. Every day remember again. ❤

Being Accidentally Wrong vs Being Intentionally Wrong

There is a huge difference between being intentionally wrong and being accidentally wrong. It is truly a huge difference but sometimes the result is the same. For instance, my husband attacks me for both. He treats them exactly the same. In fact, he will stack them up with other past wrongs. There is no white out or eraser. And I am feeling miserable right now because, human that I am, I screwed up yet again and made an accidental mistake (which I am quite sorry for and humbled at having made) and am in the doghouse. I am made to feel like a criminal, foolish, stupid, disposable almost. Every mistake bears the a came fruit. Criticism at imperfection is always awaiting me. I can do little right, it seems. And I have this one joy in the midst of such blatant disregard for my apologetic and humbled disposition. God is generous with forgiveness. I have a heavenly Father who holds my often clumsy and awkward outgoing nature in His hands and forgives me of my flaws. He understands them. God loves me more than judges me. God cares for me and my well being more than He wants to prove I am flawed and in need of Him. He wants to give me joy not steal it, give me peace not damage it, love me not wound me. I have this amazing Heavenly Father God who loves me awkwardness I am and motivates me by love to want to be better. God is not critically picking apart every wrong move or word but is gently guiding me to the write moves and words. It is a comforting reminder that I am unconditionally loved. You know what, so are you. Thank God! ❤