Before my Daddy went to Heaven, I had a lot of invaluable time with him. It wasn’t invaluable because we had deeply wise discussions because he had dementia and gradually lost his memories, recent first and then past. What made it so special was that I got to see who he really was inside and his spirit. He loved Jesus. I know this because even when all his memories were gone, he still talked about Jesus and going to heaven and expressed great morality in his limited speech. And I got to see the pure base of love that God creates in a heart that loves and serves Him long term. It was beautiful. And in being so close to Daddy as his physical body diminished, I saw a renewing and resetting of his spirit, almost like he could see Jesus sometimes and I believe he could. And in my arms, he transitioned over and it was the biggest blessing of my life. I want to keep other older people company who are suck in bed to comfort them and learn and love on them. Older people are such an extreme blessing and what they teach us is worth more than gold. ❤
Evil is all over the place. From “peaceful” Muslims killing and torturing everyone that isn’t a “peaceful” Muslim, to lying and power hungry agendists speaking lies to divide us and promote everything that is not Christian, to killers and addictions on an all time high. What on earth can we do? What can the Christians do? Well here it is. Ready? Stay close to God. Pray all the time, read the Bible, get our focus right on God. In doing so, we are lights with brilliant pristine truth screaming out into the black and gray so brightly even we have to wear sun glasses. Why am I not afraid? I am God’s child and saved and so Heaven is my home, no matter what happens here. God is in control and will come back soon. Who should be afraid is those choosing evil. They should be terrified because forever in torment in hell awaits them. They can lie to themselves all they want but they will face God, whether they believe it or not. So important to know. We have peace and joy and love and truth because God is our Heavenly Father. We will be with Him forever!!! That is reason to celebrate in anticipation of the end n of all evil!! Stay diligent, stay faithful, draw close to God.
So, in my spare time, I will be working on a quilt for my bed. I have never made anything like that for myself because I thought it was selfish. I still think it is, but it is an avenue for creativity and an artistic work for my hands to keep busy with in spare time. I detest just sitting and doing nothing unless there is a good movie or something. So, I am designing it with materials left over from the quilts I made for my kids (the only quilts I have ever made) and odd fabric I had. I will design a keyboard in it and notes and guitars and drums because it is such a strong part of us. I will have a background of a barn like the one I grew up with. It is an art project. I am excited. So many renovations are being done on the house, it will be nice to not be cold at night with the air conditioner right on me. So I am excited for warmth. And there really is no moral contemplation here except to say that I am very thankful to God for both creativity, supplies, and an outlet to keep me sane in this dry period. And while I work, I am always praying, so that is a beautiful thing for me. I am so thankful. I know it is God who does all good things.
Sometimes we just miss people that once were a strong part of our lives and now and forever will be missing. To miss them is human. There is not much getting around that. We feel. God made us empathetic and feeling creatures, and our hearts sometimes are fuller than we can bear and it seeps out and rolls down our cheeks. We just miss them sometimes. The pain lessens with time and prayer but sometimes you just have to pull out the pictures and memories and just remember and cry one more time. And then on we go on our journey for we do not journey backwards but ahead. We miss people from our past but we must move forward and be in the now. Good news is that God comforts us when we mourn. And I can attest to that. There were times my tears were streaming from such a deep part of my soul, I thought my heart would just break right into and I would be dead. I really thought that it was so deep. But when I prayed my famous prayer “Help me! Hold me!” God put an arm around me. It felt so real I thought someone was there. And it felt like He wiped my tears off my cheeks. It really felt that way. And I understood the entire world and God’s pain and sadness at losing valuable people. I got it. I understood mourning is not for the weak but for all people at some point and God loves us so much He cannot bear to see us so heart-broken without comforting us. He is a good Daddy. And so I missed someone today but God is faithful to comfort and then remind me to keep doing what is right and moving forward, focused on the now. “Now is the most important time in the history of mankind.” I made that up just now but I bet someone already said it somewhere. Lol But each and every day, taken one at a time, is precious and valuable and the most important time of your life. The internal decisions you make right now will change every attitude here forward. And on we go, moving forward but focused on right now. Miss if you need to, and sometimes you do, but then let God dry your tears.and move forward, focused on the no wow with His help. You and He can do it!
God provides. There have been times I have gone without sleep, without food, without a home for a little bit, without friends, single, so many things, but these slight deprivation humbled me and taught me to rely on God and I am so very thankful. But I was never without God or what I needed. Those are all things. I needed love and God always loved me. When I sincerely needed food, God always provided that. When I needed a job, I got one. When I needed transportation, God got me a great deal by the time I really needed it. When I needed a break, God granted me a run through His nature and beauty to refresh my soul. God is a wonderful provider and I regret having to go through so many hardships to realize it and humble my haughty soul. But thank God He had the grace and extreme generosity to keep giving me the opportunity to learn that same lesson. God is loving and abounding in grace and even if He is all we have, we have everything we need. God is a good good Father and I am so humbly appreciative and celebrating that fact!! God is so so very good and I live Him. ❤
I am not an excessive person. I am artistic and live beauty, especially nature and what God made but also what other people make that glorifies what God made (other artists). But when you have a home in need of repair, then home improvements can be made. You have to replace things anyway, so might as well make them a little better, newer, nicer, whatever if it falls in the budget. So when the ugly flourescent light fixtures died in the bathrooms (apparently their life expectancy is 28 years), we switched over to an LED fixture that is more reliable, more light and less energy required. Win win! So it is a little more work to take down an enormous dinosaur and space and paint, I love doing those things anyway and it looks phenomenal! So bring on the broken and we will repair them pretty! 🙂
So, turns out even the deepest of mourning and ugly sadness and loss and illness has an end. There is a corner you turn in the process of God’s healing, most probably be a use if we turn the corner too soon, we keep going back to it. It is a decision that cannot come too soon, there is a process. I tried to rush that as I try to rush much of life and recently God helped me make a conscience decision to relax, be quiet, simplify and wait it out. I did so and with the help of God, my husband and kids and a handful of amazing friends, I have indeed turned that corner. I went swimming with the kids yesterday, exercised last night, listened to good music, read, watched a little home improvement shows, and planned some of our own with my husband, whose patience and new encouragement I so appreciate. So there you go. I am living proof of the healing process. I have turned a corner and God’s hope is there. I have walked quite literally through the shadow of death and while I never feared because my faith is strong, I wondered if I would live there forever. And my Good Good Father brought me through the valley. And now I understand His quiet methods and timing much better for having gone through it and fully realize His strength and wisdom and not my own that saw me through and led me back to whole. He reseal ed my heart with His healing so it remembers but is renewed stronger. Praise God who is so good! Praise God wisdom go loves us! Praise God wisdom gogo is wise and loving and present!! How I love Him!!!