Practicing Joy and Peace

In marriage, you have a lot of time to practice joy and peace. Happiness is direct reaction to circumstances so joy and peace are quite different as they are deep enough to keep you soundly whether or not your circumstances are favorable or heavy. And marriage is the constant bending of my will and bowing of my head in compromise. Ideally both are doing so but my responsibility is what I am doing. So bad day for spouse often would be bad day for me but as my relationship with God has deepened and grown and ripened, my joy and peace have sunk in to depths impenetrable by surface tremors. It is tested though some days, like today. It seems like the happier I come in from my devotion walk, the more the enemy will try through my husband to discourage me. And I have to remember that my fight is not against flesh and blood and certainly not against my husband who I am bonded with. And the more the attacks, the greater the joy and peace. And that boggles the mind but is because Jesus endured so much for us, for me too, out of His sheer love for us, so amazingly. And to have difficulty and yet not sin in it and go to Him with it and pray and give it to Him who is capable of understanding and powerful enough to dissolve it is to honor Him. And I want everything I do and say you honor Him. He is everything. So I practice my joy and peace and feel exceedingly blessed to be so greatly loved by my Heavenly Father, who happens to be the Creator of the universe and me and you.❤❤❤

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School Preparation

I am a teacher, most of you know. I homeschool our 2 kids. I am also a doctor, mostly retired now, doing private consulting work also. And my teaching experience last year was the first time I had two different grades, officially, and now that it is 1st grade and 5th/6th grade, my greatest preparation is not.booms and supplies, I have those, but it is quite different. During school, I am a servant of God, of my children and their knowledge and growth, still of my husband. There is none of serving me to be had there, no room for it, no need for it. So my preparation is in finishing our story quilt, in decluttering my mind, in preparing my heart and soul for service, in growing spiritually and maintaining my relationship with God who strengthens me. And we will go full steam ahead, in deep worship of obedience to the Lord and humbling of my heart. And that, my friends, is incredibly beautiful!!!! Bring it on! ❤❤❤

Will Power

Born stubborn and with an extremely strong will, I assumed most of my life’s biggest struggles were defeated by my own strong will power. I firmly believed that. So much so that I actually prayed many times for God to help other people but helping me wasn’t necessary. “They need you, I’m good”. So foolish was I! Indeed, my greatest strength was realized when God allowed my will power to be broken down and me to humble my heart and realize I am weak but God is strong. What needs to be strong is always strong… God. My will power focuses the strength on me but humble prayer focuses me on God, the Winner. I attached the link for the new song for my kids tomorrow in worship God gave me for them if you are interested. Anyone may use it freely. “All we need is faith and a humble hearted prayer and God will answer us best”. https://youtu.be/u-Mj_VbFqYQ

Who I Am

I am out there, one of the most prominent characters in the room, emphasis on character. I am strong, large and in charge but enormously fun and funny (well, I think so) at the same time. I steal the show by walking into the room and never ever mean to. There is nothing introverted about me. More like, I am an extrovert’s extrovert, competitive and enthusiastically energetic, not the cheerleader type but the motivational speaker/ best boss you could ever have type, producing in a fun way. I say all this to tell you my natural bent. This is how I am without trying or lifting a finger to be so, my automatic woman, so to speak. But. Despite all this and my natural inclination to speak or do and win an answer or action, who I am is not really important. Not really. I do not want to be known for who I am and my title or status or accomplishments or natural ability to lead or musical ability or fantastic ability to love. Not anymore. Now, having matured in years and faith and closeness to God, I realize positively and unequivocally that I want people to know who God is. I do not matter except that God says I matter. I want people to see the qualities of God in me, the fruits of the Spirit, I want them to know who He is. I want this with all my heart. God is everything, the most important. I want simply to be known as His little girl, the weird one. ❤❤❤

Fading from the Forefront of my Mind

When we lose someone very close to us, someone dearly loved, for some of us who feel very deeply, it is a heavy weight for a very long time. And almost a year later, I am finally starting with God’s constant help and comfort, to move the missed loved one from the forefront of my mind into a section of beautiful memories that are available for recall. There is a fading that God blessed me with and generously granted me, a not-the-first-thing-I-think-about day, night and in the middle anymore. God is generously by grace filling those positions with Himself because like a little persistent child, I keep asking Him to. It is debilitating to keep someone alive in your mind when they are no longer alive in your world. You have to start the process with God’s help of putting them back into the mind and keep God in the place of worship, focus, immediate thought. I had to and God has gradually allowed it and I am so thankful. I still miss him like crazy but I am here now, ready to serve and be present for God and my family and people in my spaces. Praise God!

Growth

I looked back today at how incredibly far I have grown/matured/learned in the last couple of years. And I was struck at how far God had to bring me and the extremes He had to use to get my attention. I honestly had not admitted or even believed I was so prideful and stubborn. I had taken care of myself (in my eyes) for so long that I did not see that God had taken care of me all along. I trusted myself and now trust God. I had taken pride in what my hands made and did and now take pride in what God allows me to do for His glory. I had been addicted to technology and wasted time on it for self-glorification and laziness and now I use my gifts to bring glory to God. This humbleness is God’s greatest and hardest won achievement in me. It took a journey of death and separation, of dread and loneliness, of depression and mourning, and now this glorious light of God pours out of me. I want to worship, love opening my Bible and reading it as truth in love, love meeting with a church family, there is nothing better than fostering this relationship with God on a deep, spiritual level. Everything else works itself out. It is passion, a fire relic by God and now used for Him. I am so thankful. Praise God Almighty who draws us to Himself in any way we let Him! Praise Him for His ceaseless, tireless love for us to continue pulling us to Himself and keep giving chances with such enormous grace! Praise God for never letting us forget His love and blessings on us! Praise God for truth and hope and being that! 

Downing a Draught of Daylight

Daylight to me is life. And it has nothing to do with the sun, no matter how much I love the sun. It is the Son, Jesus Christ who is the Light and Truth. I drink deeply of the daylight of God’s truth and love and holiness. There is no greater or more satisfying energy source than a that of humble worship, intense prayer and Bible study. And obedience is life. I obey God because He is the only One worthy of our healthy fear and respect but moreso or equally rather because I know He loves me. He holds me when I cry or ask Him. He wipes my tears. He allows me to be tried and tested to be sure I know where my heart is toward Him in reality. He already knows. He thinks of little tiny me in the big universe enough to hear my prayers. Wow! Have you truly considered that? The best thing that ever happened to me was humbly accepting Jesus Christ as my Savior and starting a love and respect relationship with God who lovingly and purposefully made everything I know about and even don’t know about. Oh how I love Him!!! ❤