The Lost Birthday

So my very good very loved friend and band brother that abandoned us for a psychotic, controlling female lacking music interest (horrific!), has a birthday in two days. We miss him. Makes me remember all the gigs, the great times, dinners, years of making beautiful music together. All a wash. This is the birthday in 2 days that is now lost, a wash, we cannot even talk yo him to wish him aw happy birthday, much less take him to dinner or give a gift. Well, just realized I still have one female creature to forgive and I thought I had gotten everyone. Lol Ah well, people make their own bad choices in life like I do sometimes, I guess. It affects everyone, so please take care and slow into decisions that devastate so many. And when you do have something great going on, please treasure it emphatically for you never know when a psychotic creature (I will forgive in a minute, don’t worry) will change everything. Love you. Hugs! ❤ 

The Day of My Birth

So, I was born today 43 years ago. That makes me pretty old, definitely pretty old to have an 11 and 6 year old. However, having lived and traveled, loved and lost, hurried and relaxed, worked and rested a lot during those years, 43 years both took forever and flew by, depending on the moment. The fabulous moments seem to have gone by the fastest. That I should have put my genius into preventing somehow were I to be able to do a reset. But as Megamind said “The science is impossible”. I am stubborn though, but in a good way. I stick to my guns for what is right and my God and country and family. I love full in, more than most can I think because of my fearlessness. I also can break like thin chocolate when thrown away by someone I invested ao much love in. I am resilient and bounce back stronger and wiser and am deeply in love now with my man. And maybe I have slept alone for eight years now, it has strengthened my reliance on God. And I can honestly say that God is the only reason I am who I am, the One constant now that my Daddy ran up to heaven in my arms, the purpose of me, promise of forever, hope for the world He made and its people. And if I only have God, I have everything I need. And if I have my husband and kids, I am blessed even more. And if I have music, wow, I am just spoiled rotten. Life is a serious of body slams and ballet throws, but who comes out and in what condition is all from God, baby. He made this little girl strong as an ox, no one stronger on the planet, but never ever because of me or something I did. God allowed me the gift of being humble and a Grandmother, also in heaven, who taught me faith and prayer to our loving God/Daddy. He took pain in me, a whole mess of it, and gently molded it into wisdom and power and understanding. He did it all and I repeatedly fell broken into His arms. And here I am. Still alive miraculously. Still here to serve my God, my family, my band family and my church. God is so good and I am living proof of that. So be blessed on this fun day we celebrate my popping out, my twin brother’s trip to heaven as he didn’t make it here and another beautiful blessing of a day from the God who loves us so much! Love you!! ❤

The Holiest of Corners

When bad things happen, I am no longer surprised. I see them as learning or purification tools. They are valuable tools to grow and improve with. But I have a new habit of late. I consider it my holiness corner. When hit again with a new pain or a rerun of an old one, I no sit in my little corner of my bedroom in my comfy chair and pray, asking God what I need to learn. He has brought my maturity to a point where I know that every problem, every hardship, trial, pain, and even fabulous experience is an opportunity from Him to be more holy and grow and always appreciate Him more. A time ago I did not have such maturity and was really really raw. But God used that rawness to show me His healing salve is sufficient. He was saving me from separation from Himself. He gets our attention and brings us back to Himself because of His love for us. He knows pain is temporary and humbles us to listen and learn and then He heals and restores to greater than before and prayer is the vehicle for that exchange. It is beautiful. It is proactive work for our long term eternal benefit and I am truly honored to be humbled. Feeding my dad a cupcake today on his 80th Birthday, as dementia and stories have robbed him of himself, I was humbled and honored. My Heavenly Father is taking over as my earthly father also, filling both rolls. It is beautiful. 

On One More Year of Life

So, it is my birthday, and I am 42 today. I have no problem with the number because there has been so very much crammed into them. A few years I don’t remember and a few more I wish I didn’t, butin the whole, my journey has been full of life and living it and music and art and nature and work and family and friends, all things of value that make life worth living. I used to hate the painful things in life- Daddy’s health fading fast, death of loved ones, evil bosses, childbirth (mixed bag there because I love the kids lol), divorce, dentists, etc. But now I see they are in part what tested my resiliency and resolve and wings to realize this strength I would not have known I had without those things. God knows what He is doing. I see them as a necessary pain, which allows me to know I exist. I can still feel. I am not numb, even if it took a lot of time to get here. There is a lot of life in me yet. And of course there are the celebrations, the amazing moments of growth from new experiences and foreign lands and travel and books and art and music and beautiful friends along the way, some that are permanent residents on my heart and some which pass by occasionally but all leaving their marks. I have had two incredible children who bless me with love and purpose every single day. They are gifts of enormous worth directly from God because they are so much better than I am a parent. I have earned a doctorate and worked. as helping health professional for 13 years and have semi retired and taught my children at home exclusively for 5 years. There is much work that I am proud of and some I am not, but I never stopped working. I never gave up and my kids got that message. “We don’t quit,” they say to each other and to me when I seem to need a reminder. I have met the most incredible man that I love with all my heart. Some people never find that perfect-for-them person in life. I have. All these amazing things and moments in life, the good and even the bad, are blessings from God. God gives the good and the bad and I am so thankful for all of it because without one single thing happening as it did, my life would not be what it is, I would not be me at all. It is to God Knows these 42 years and His grace that kept me alive through some pretty hairy situations and kept me healthy to be here today. And God gave me the ability to make music and do art and laugh and laugh and laugh. What a sustaining gift! I am so thankful. I am proud of these 42 years because they reflect the goodness of my Maker and He has allowed me to experience so very much, entrusted me with so very much, loved me all the time, even brief moments where I did not love myself. He always loves me. He always has. Wow! So, on this happy birthday, I give God my happy and sure do appreciate all He has done to get me herein one piece as I am. May He bless you today too, as He always has to get you where you are today.