Many people believe there is only negative in being married to an addict (it does not matter the addiction of choice- they all look the same ugly in a spouse and are all rooted in false beliefs, lies, sin and pride). There are many advantages and blessings. Some are the following:
1. Being humbled every day allows a contrite heart to flourish. It is next to impossible to feel like the center of anyone’s life or attention who already has their addiction as the center. Yes, the downside is that often even God and obedience comes after the addiction, but I am showing the positive and it is true that you cannot help but be humble when married to an addict. This helps a lot when working on contrition with the Lord. And that is a hurdle to faith most people really struggle with.
2. You depend on and trust in God only and that is very healthy spiritually. You cannot depend on the addict often but you realize quickly (because of the contrition mentioned earlier) that you can always depend on and trust in God.
3. You love truth. You realize that the addict, although in denial with lies and false beliefs, is riddled with guilt and fear all the time and lies like they breathe. This is so obvious and lies upon lies gets old. So you love truth. I read my Bible all the time, loving every word, every truth it is. You truly appreciate truth more than most do.
4. You accept and learn to be content in God. You appreciate everything good in life, really appreciate every blessing, every kind word, every word of encouragement, every friend who sticks around, every prayer where you feel God there with you. You appreciate more. You are thankful for a home with air conditioning, transportation, food, all those blessings people take for granted. You are content with unimportance. You are happy with every blessing and know full well that God is enough every day, every time, every moment.
5. You develop a thick chin. You realize that what God says about you is the truth and are thankful for it. You realize the truth is not in the accusations and put downs and anger/rages that always accompany the adddictions because of their nature and guilt and fear. You realize that God lovingly made you and sleep alone for years or not, you are beautiful inside, God lovingly made and gifted you. You are incredibly beautiful because God’s glory shines through you. So beautiful!
6. Forgiveness comes easily. You have to forgive so much and are humbled and contrite that forgiveness comes super easily. You have to forgive to survive. You forgive because you love. And you forgive because God forgave you and you want to be forgiven and have your prayers answered.
7. Greater faith in God. You rely on God for every encouragement, every good thing, every solution to every abuse, every emotional anything, healing when stress is getting to you, every comfort when lonely, everything. This is invaluable in a walk with the Lord and makes us closer. And heaven will be so much more beautiful!
8. You show them God’s true love. When you stay with an addict, you have the chance to show them love. In fact, the act of staying married to the addict is the strongest show of love along with the forgiveness. Love is patient, kind, self-sacrificing, humble, real, truthful, joyful, peaceful, faithful (even if they are not), etc. We are responsible for how we love. And love is purely beautiful.
9. You are in obedience to God. God hates divorce and if it can possibly be avoided, it should be. There are many blessings and rewards for obedience to God.
I hope you understand better the blessings involved in being and staying married long term to an addict. No one is perfect except Jesus. Staying married is your choice I would say largely because of these blessings and love. And God’s love is the greatest force I know.❤