The thing is romance can only be sustained in those versed in it and willing to maintain it. And romance looks very different after a few years because deeper things have been shared than a roll in the sheets. Children and a family have been made. Vacations have been shared. House and cars have broken down and needed fixing together, finances have been high and low, pets have been experienced, death of loved ones has happened. I have friends who have divorced because romance is gone so they don’t feel the infatuation anymore and Hollywood had them expecting that for life if it is “real love”. Infatuation phase is short lived, very short lived if the other person is not romantic in nature. And some people are not. But there is something incredibly romantic about a man who has seen you at your worst and stayed with you, a man who saw you fall on your face and stayed with you, a man who knew you had as much weird extra energy as wisdom so stoked and stayed with you, a man who saw your incredible success in home and business arenas and stayed with you. Loyalty is romantic. It requires a lot more effort than just some flowers and a mariachi band. It requires time and dedication to the marriage, selflessness and cooperation, pitching in when one is sick and running to the store for 7up. There is a comfort not hearing how beautiful you are but showing a beauty that is real by proving it and staying forever. And what I am saying is that one person’s idea of Romance does not have to be dictated by anyone else’s experience or what movies tell us they should be but what could be the most to you. God says stay together and you do and that is romantic. There are billions of other women and here you stay with me year after year and that is romantic because it proves I am special and you have good taste. Lol Feelings are certainly not everything. In fact, they matter less than your ideals and moral standards in the long run. Feelings are to get you into the relationship and beliefs and God hold you there in it. That is incredibly romantic.
The Hopeless Romantic Realist
I am a hopeless romantic. I freely admit it. In an ideal world, one man would meet one woman and their souls bond and they can feel each others’ feelings and understand each others’ minds. There would be a commonality of understanding and deep acceptance of each other so strong that obstacles would just bounce off the firmness of their mutual commitment and mutual resolution shield. Their emotional and physical attachment would be so involved that nothing else on that planet would deter the two from their course with each other. They would share life missions, serve together, grow together, keep no secrets from each other. And this is how my mind works. I believe this to be true. So imagine my amazement when I started dating and even got married when none of this was reality. lol Most men do romance to do bedroom and that’s it. Most men want to do their own thing and a woman plays a supporting roll only and not a costar part. Most men have their mission, driven internally, and a mutual anything is out of the question unless it matches exactly with their already established mission. And this is true of most men. And if you think it is not of yours, then maybe you in fact have one of the rare and endangered men who are the exception or you have not waited long enough to see it yet. But oh, this is highly disturbing. You are speaking negatively of the opposite sex, our lord and masters. Not really. I believe we are wired differently, just pointing out a major difference. God made men to focus more on mission, on success, on goals, one thing at a time more often than not. It is not always bad. But it is different than the picture Hollywood paints in its very many romantic dramas and romantic comedies I grew up watching. You start to think that is reality and are shattered when it doesn’t play out that way. Well, romance is still very real but looks a bit different than you imagined. Romance might just be a note in the middle of the day or a call (even unromantic) checking in or buying something you like out of the blue or playing you a song out of nowhere. Romance is a series of reminders, whatever that looks like, that you matter to them. And any at all is better than a lot of women get, so be thankful when you see such behavior and encourage it. Lower your romance requirement and demands and they can meet and exceed those much more often. Be romantic first, they may not know how or how with you. Don’t give up or get frustrated if it doesn’t happen immediately. Good things come to those who wait. My romantic heart still beats the same and wants the same inside but outside it has learned to be content with less until more can come at the right time… mostly… (the “hopeless” part- lol)…