Grief

My mom is a professional on grief. She is a family counsellor and social worker, with a Master of Science in both, and spend a great deal of time kind of specializing on grief. She has taught me a lot about grief though the years, but actually losing people I loved, especially losing my daddy, taught me more. And I have a brother and sister in Christ who are actively grieving. (My mom will be starting a grief support group at our church soon.)

One thing I know is that grief hits hard at the weirdest times. And you will grieve, whether you want to or not. Also, if you don’t work through the grief, you and those closest to you will suffer for way linger than if you work through it.

Most of my working through grief actually happened with intense Bible reading and study and memorization and deep prayers and the Holy Spirit comforting me as I cried out and for me made a quilt. I imagine everyone has to find their own way and God helps. Maybe it was not professionally done, but I personally believe God is the Great Physician and heals better than anyone else and would rather invest in Him than anyone else.

What I would share is that there is hope! There is hope you will get through it with God with you. But know that you do have to bite the bullet and work through grief or your body and soul will grieve in ugly ways for a very long time. Better to have a say in it for your sake and tgose close to you. It is a process and looks different on everyone. 😃❤️

When Weeping Winds Blow By

The terrible triple death loss of my life, three very important deaths in a two month window, one of which was my daddy, happened two years ago. I was depressed and incapacitated the first year after. I know it was a natural part of grief but looking back, I was stuck for a while in deep selfishness and self-pity. It was contrary to my nature to be so. Or was it? Up to then, I have never really allowed myself to emote, except that brief window of loss and anger when my fiance cheated on me and broke up. That hit me hard but before and since, I have always been the rock for others and work, work, work. God has healed me enough to look back at two years ago objectively. And my husband’s brother’s recent passing brought the remembrance back.

I now realize I had left my Lord behind. I was self–involved, self-serving, and self-loathing. My children had a shell of a mother at that point and that is my deep pain I am making amends for now in reformulating my family and putting them first.

The biggest learning point from all that healed trauma and pain is that God’s place in me and my family is first. This means if it is not by the Bible, it is not home here. We operate as if Jesus is right here with us because He is. We worship Him together, talk often to and about Him, so on. Focusing on God has kept me humble, the most important and challenging thing to do always. Then focusing on my kids and husband and mom has reinforced my humble and service. I am dead last and that is exactly as it should be. That is my happy spot. Not because I think less of myself but because God made me such a valuable tool for His kingdom and I want Him to work through me to greatest affect. That only happens when I keep my humble up. Once pride wells up, strength drains. With humble, God fills in and my joy and peace are palpable. It is impressive and constant. I will not trade anything this world has to offer for this beautiful peace and joy God gives me. The healing is complete and sound. I am sorry my pride and will were so strong I had to go through so much to get it. I get it now, praise God. The more you release, the more He gives. Incredible God!😄❤❤❤

Just Pray, Rest & Continue

Today I missed people. I missed my family I don’t get to see, those I love that are no longer Earth- bound, people I love I haven’t seen in years and miss all of a sudden. How much is hormones and genuine missing, I am unsure, but I have been exhausted with missing all day. So I just prayed. God comforted me. I rested. I forced some shut eye, no sleep but rest. And I kept moving. I cooked meals, did two consults in Sebring, taught school, watered the garden, and am at my daughter’s baseball game keeping score. So, even on bad days where you’d give anything to not feel awful missing people you love, you can just pray, rest, and continue. And that is enough.❤

Unexpected Separations

So our grown son (from my husband’s previous marriage), the Marine and all around really great guy (maybe a tad biased), gave us the wham banger news that his wife of 4-ish years just left him for her ex-fiance of ancient past, the one who wouldn’t commit. Yep. We were going to visit them this week. Now, instead, he is moving alone out west to room with a Marine brother and a fresh start because he loves her sincerely and everything there is her. And I got to thinking. I had that happen in my ancient past… dumped for an unworthy ex after years of commitment and mutual love. And some people are a blessing in your life when they are there and some are are greater blessing when they go. It is impossible to say and realize that for about are year and that is are fact. Before a year is up, you only say it through clenched jaw. But how much worse to end up in many years with someone who hates you and has run you into the ground or stolen your freedom and identity and taken all your purpose to suit them and then threw you out or selfishly cheated. And like I was, he is blessed to start afresh and have us praying for him and encouraging him, and whatever God had for Him can be more apparent without someone half there and unsupportive. Nonetheless, as horrible as divorce is, sometimes you are forced to face it and change everything and that is never easy. So if you think of it, please pray for our son to find the path God wants Him now. God is the healer of hearts and Maker and Lifter of our heads. Thank you and God bless us, everyone!❤