In a Homesick Funk Lately

Not sure why, but lately feeling homesick. I want to be around family and my aunts and cousins and home town and sister and nephews and neices. I miss everyone. I miss my good friends. I miss everyone. I was okay being far away for a while because I had a lot of healing and learning to do. Now, I miss them. I am healed and have learned and want to go home. There is the problem, this is my home now. My husband does not want to even visit my hometown and in fairness, I had never given an indication before of needing to. So, I know we will all be together in heaven and probably not before at the rate this world is moving towards Jesus’ return, but just know family and home church and friends that I love you and wish I could be with you! God bless you all! ❤

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The Little Lonely Girl

The little school girl came home from school and did her chores alone. She played her piano and weeded the garden and mowed the lawn alone. When she was finally finished, she ran with her dog through the field and ran back and sat on the top of her grassy hill, alone with her dog. She returned home at dark and cooked for her family. They ate separately in front of the tv and she did the dishes alone. She packed her own lunch for school the next day, showered and went to sleep alone. Day after day was the same day with mild variations. Alone, alone, alone. She worked hard though no one uttered a “well done” or a “good job”, just further criticism. But the thing is, she was never really alone spiritually. God was always with her. God was her companion and Heavenly Father. And God kept her company. She just had to keep remembering that. She had to keep praying. She had to see Him in what He made and remember. ❤ ❤ ❤

Remembering Rejection

I know a lot of my regular readers are young and therefore are either going through the hurt of rejection or it is still piercing to think of. And I remembered back to that historical sting. And I was amazed to realize that the rejection that made me depressed at the time and still cry when I had thought of it in past times no longer had that affect on me. In fact, I felt sorry for the rejector and prayed for him and his horrible wife he ended up with. If it is any consolation for you at all, I find that if God wants you with that person, you will be with them, and when He knows (as He always does) it is not best or sees their true heart and knows you need to be free of them, He relieves you of them. And it is a loving thing to do. God dispenses people from your life when they will hurt you worse for longer by staying with them. Accept it. Appreciate being loved so much. It hurts so much, but trust that God knows more than you do and is keeping you from something far far worse. Please be blessed. Please be comforted by running to God’s arms. Please find rest and peace and joy in God. He loves you unconditionally. ❤

On Missing

Sometimes you just have to miss an important person from your pass. Miss them, think about them, love them, pray for them, wish them the best, and move the heck on. Sometimes you have to feel it and then walk on. It just is. And if that person was meant to be there and God wanted them there, they would be there. Accept it, miss them, cry for a bit if you need to, hug a trusted neck if you need to, and then keep moving. Stop if you need, then get up again and keep going. Has to be done. We got this. God helps.❤

The Meaning is Deeper

The meaning is deeper, the colors more vivid

When gone through a loss truly disportionate.

The songs mean much more, the birds song is clear

And what you lost brings a sharp tear to your eye.

The clothes feel so different, familiar is odd

Thr whole day is longer and something’s just wrong.

Meaning is deeper, things change just that soon

And God will bring comfort, He changes hearts too.❤

Sad Christmas Advice

Last year, I had recently lost the best man in the world, the only one who has ever loved me without conditions and my greatest supportive force of my life, my daddy. And two other important, loved people to me also died then. I was sad, I did not even want to celebrate. I did not know how to. It was a monumental loss I had never experienced. So last Christmas was going through the motions, trying to be happy for the kids and my husband, doing my best so they were not traumatized as I was. 

So here is my thought. You are never alone, as you feel. You are never unloved, as you feel. God is our Heavenly Father and loves us so much. So the advice is to remember that, get out and do something (socialize or exercise or serve somewhere), even if you don’t feel like it. Just do it. Read your Bible. Spend time with God. Do something. You will not feel like it. But from experience, time and God heal faster when we do something. The bed is a consuming blackness and brooding makes it worse. So chin up, my love. God will bless your efforts and love you stronger in time. It ends so much quicker when you do something. You can. ❤

On Feeling Alone

It is a lie that we are ever alone. Sometimes I forget that and feel how I am feeling right now… alone. My loving God is one humble prayer away. Yet sometimes I forget and have to remind myself. Why? What is so great that it blocks my vision? And the answer I determined is that it is a cumulation of little things, a myriad of distraction bricks that add up to one large brick wall to shade me from the brilliant truth. The anniversary of my Daddy’s death, the death of a great friend, the rejection and abandonment of another, kids needs, spousal needs, being constantly criticized, demands of time, coaching, leading choir, the band, teaching, cleaning houses, etc. It seems like I should be savagely content with so many people around me pressing in at every turn. But these things, at the end of the day, drain me and as I sit in the dark alone in my room, waiting for my brain to stop so my sleep can come, I wish strong arms would hold me and I feel so so very alone. The distractions, you see, again forged a chasm between the many things requiring my time and attention and my precious Savior who should have it all. My priorities flipped and I confess that I need alone time with God desperately. So tomorrow I will arise early and walk with Him. And He will help me as He always has done and I will get my mind right with His help. I will remember that He is always with me, always loves me and comforts those who mourn and admit they need Him. And I will repent of my falling for the distraction scheme and busyness and remember that no is a good word when you need time with God, nothing wrong with that. Yes can never be the only word or the distraction liars will walk all over me again. Tired of that. I will fight. God will help as He always does. ❤❤❤