Something About the Night

There’s something about the night

About being alone in a bed

That throws loneliness at your feet

And drowns the laughter.

There is something about the night

Alone and cold and stark

That I should be happy about

But it still always feels a struggle.

There is something about the night

That weighs heavy on my heart

Of feeling unloved, unwanted

Of cuddling up alone.

But with God, there is no night.

He lights it with His calm.

The day is always there with Him

The night must flee it’s course.

So I cling to God in the night.

He pampers my soul and spirit.

The flesh may always burn with want

But my soul and spirit are free

Of the great pain of the night.

So to God I put all my trust.

And I will choose to listen

To the voice of peace and reason

And God will bring me comfort.❤

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Well Over a Year Apart

I still miss my Daddy. Don’t get me wrong, I am celebrating that he is whole and happy and in charge of the choir or farming in heaven or something he loves. I know he is happy and carefree now and full of life and basking in the rewards he accumulated doing great things on this earth. No doubt in my mind at all. But in this shell, I still miss him. I am depressed no more, God healed me of that, but I still get very quiet now and again. He always had my back. He was one of a very few. He loved me unconditionally. I was his little girl and still am. So, I have taken on his oxe-like strength and greater humbleness and asked God to retain these reminders of him and it has been granted. I also sing better now and I think that was also a gift passed down, a blessing. I remember his eyes dancing every time I walked in the room and his enormous smile. God is my Daddy now and I am content most days and only when I am weak is it not enough. That is dumb though, because God loves me perfectly. I guess that imperfect love that is real is ok to miss sometimes too, though. It is ok. I am ok with still missing him. But I know I will see him, probably sooner than later, the way the world is pushing things along. I am ready. Be ready too.❤

Unexpected Separations

So our grown son (from my husband’s previous marriage), the Marine and all around really great guy (maybe a tad biased), gave us the wham banger news that his wife of 4-ish years just left him for her ex-fiance of ancient past, the one who wouldn’t commit. Yep. We were going to visit them this week. Now, instead, he is moving alone out west to room with a Marine brother and a fresh start because he loves her sincerely and everything there is her. And I got to thinking. I had that happen in my ancient past… dumped for an unworthy ex after years of commitment and mutual love. And some people are a blessing in your life when they are there and some are are greater blessing when they go. It is impossible to say and realize that for about are year and that is are fact. Before a year is up, you only say it through clenched jaw. But how much worse to end up in many years with someone who hates you and has run you into the ground or stolen your freedom and identity and taken all your purpose to suit them and then threw you out or selfishly cheated. And like I was, he is blessed to start afresh and have us praying for him and encouraging him, and whatever God had for Him can be more apparent without someone half there and unsupportive. Nonetheless, as horrible as divorce is, sometimes you are forced to face it and change everything and that is never easy. So if you think of it, please pray for our son to find the path God wants Him now. God is the healer of hearts and Maker and Lifter of our heads. Thank you and God bless us, everyone!❤

Sometimes… I am Content

Sometimes I wonder at the present

I wonder how on earth I got here

So many twists and turns on the path

That led me to You.

You held my hand when I let you do it

You walked with me each bad decision through

You kept pace with my neck breaking speed

And kept loving me.

So now as I sit with my gray bonnet

Wondering how it was so much has passed

Thinking of all the times I turned down

The very wrong road.

And times like this moment of quiet reflection

Alone in my bedroom, how can this all be?

And I look with deep quiet and see Your same hand

Is held out to me.

I take it.

I am held.

I am content.❤

Hopeless to Hope

The scene is set. The curtain up.

Your happy eyes now looking up.

You have no cares, your life is pat

There is no problem. You hang your hat.

The curtain down, the play is done.

And now the crying has begun.

No one understands, you think

And into darkness now you sink.

But, dearest heart, before you die

Open your heart for one last try

And cry out for the God loving you

The One who made you before the blue.

Pray, dear heart, you’ve naught to lose.

In doing so, you just may lose

The hopelessness and darkness too

For light is what He is for you.

There is another better way

And you will make it through this day.

And then the next and light invades

And soon your heart restored will praise!❤

Looking for People

I am not on facebook. I was and wasted a heck of a lot of time on it pretending to be social but only writing, never saying or hearing an audible word from people, never making eye contact with them, never touching their skin. I still miss the thought of being “in touch” with them but once getting off of it realized it was just the thought I had to begin with. Knowing the events of a person’s life is in no shape the full picture of that person. Seeing pictures tells only part of the story. And I had shared my number before getting off of it and not one person from it except my best friend, one good friend and family has called since I’ve been off. No calls even when I was on, truth be told. It is this false notion of connectedness in an addictive need to know formula. And that is dangerous. One has a sense of urgent dependency to be on tech to feel connected but it is a false sense of connection. My husband got back on just to wish his daughter a happy birthday, as apparently she cannot communicate any other way. Now that he told her, he is getting off again. So, I was looking up a few friends from my past and they only jumped up in searches on facebook, maybe on Instagram too and nothing about real life. And it brought them right up so good people or bad people would know where they were, what they were doing, see their pictures, etc. That is pretty scary to me, maybe I am cautious. But being off facebook, evidently I am weird again and out of the loop and old fashioned and definitely out of people’s thoughts and minds and realm of communication. So, I draw closer still to God who loves me and my little family and take comfort that God is always with me, even on lonely night after lonely night and days of family and band family that are still around and maybe a friend now and then. And I am content, don’t get me wrong, but I miss days of calling someone up on a phone that doesn’t play a role in cancer and just talk or meet in person. Ooo, ah. What would it be like if neighbors still visited each other. What would happen if people actually still had and practiced real social skills? Who knew technology would kill real committed human connections. Amazing. So glad I have God or I would be extremely lonely in this world. I am so blessed. ❤

Never Friendless

It is a shame whenever I hear of some people feeling alone or friendless. We never are alone and we are never friendless. That is a lie of the enemy. That is their M.O., what they do, all they do. Enemies lie because they want us dead or defeated otherwise. The truth of the matter is that anytime we humbly ask for it, we have a loving (and incredibly powerful) friend in Jesus Christ. God is always everywhere and with us always and will let us feel that when we humbly ask Him to and draw close to Him. He absolutely loves us and we are saved through Jesus’ sacrifice and nd resurrection. My daughter asked me to draw Jesus on the cross and I never will because He is not there. I serve a risen Lord. He is interceding on our behalf in heaven right now, on a throne in glory and power and love. We are still under His grace until He returns. Stay in His grace is my greatest advice. He is our friend. In fact, He us the greatest friend to those who are friendless, those alone, those suffering. His heart breaks and He is more present for them, more eager to be called upon and wanted. You are never alone or friendless. I am never alone or friendless. Reach out to Jesus. Hold on tight. If Jesus is andll you have, you have the best of anything or anyone you could ever possibly need or want. Jesus us the lover of my soul and my heart is full because of His love. Never friendless. Never alone. If you feel that way, it is your pride and the enemy’s lies you are fostering. Truth is this. You are never ever alone or friendless when you humbly pray to Jesus and draw close to Him. He is hoping you will. He died and rose to get that chance.