When knee deep in sorrow and grief, it feels like that grief will last forever. It really does. Forever and ever. And it could be a temporary sorrow like being lied about or a deep tissue sorrow like being abandoned by someone who swore to love you forever or the loss of a dear family member. Whatever it is, the grief and sorrow held feels heavy and permanent. Feels like a punch in the gut you will never ever recover from. But the truth of it is quite different. In truth, God was not surprised by your horrible experience and was already formulating a healing path before it ever got here, knowing the nuances and is ready and waiting to love on you back to health. And God does not interfere and prevent these things and people blame Him for that. He could but He refuses to interfere with our gift of free choice and knows that our own growth and healing will produce wisdom and holiness in us. I am not the same person as I was before my Daddy’s death. I am not the same person as I was before my fiance threw me away for another inferior woman a while ago. I am not the same person as I was before my divorce. I am not the same person as I was when undergoing severe discrimination during my thesis and nearly being prevented from graduating. I am not the same person as I was before I was raped. I am not the same person as I was when my beloved precious dog died. All of things at the time were traumatic and hit me hard. But the person I am now is arguably the strongest and one of the wisest woman I have ever known or heard of because through every single thing, God healed me and made me stronger and wiser than I was before. And the grief I thought would kill or cripple me God used to heal and improve me and humble my heart and draw me closer to Him. Every crushing blow I am thankful for because God works more powerfully in our brokenness and heals us stronger than we were before. I have been through the worst and know hands down God is bigger than any of it and can take me through anything else with the same grace and beauty. I am internally more sensitive where I should be callous. The scars He forms on our hearts are miraculously more functional than our original skin! It is counterintuitive and contray to the physical. I am a doctor and my training tells me how scars are problematic, restrict function, add bulk, interfere with motion, interfere with function. But the scars on our heart from grieving that God provides when we humbly ask Him to are smoother, powerful, more stretchy, more functional, more healing, etc. than our original. There is only faith that explains this. It is not natural so it is supernatural and how God works. And this Great Physician is also our great Daddy and noone can love us more. When I missed my exfiance’s hugs, I prayed and I honestly felt my heart being hugged. Sounds strange but strange is my new normal because it happens so much in my life. When I cry out for my daddy, I talk to my God Daddy and He spreads calm and love and assurance and peace over me like a warm hug. So your sorrow is a tool and if you humbly pray to God for comfort and to show you love and truth from this, I swear to you He will show up. He is already there! And keep praying and read the Bible for the teuth and assurances and He will gradually lovingly form those superpower scars. Guaranteed! Love you!!
Let me address the weary wanderer, of which I fall into such category of late. Let me address those moments when the road does not fork or allow rest but simply ceases to be there, drops off entirely. Let me tell you that there are times, seasons such as this when the road becomes missing, either because grief is so great or unrest so great or confusion so great or so many great things as these. For some reason, the mind is overwhelmed, the heart if overfilled and the strength is oversapped. Immediately, while traveling down this road you look and the road has disappeared. It is a moment filled with gripping passions and intense feelings of loss and hopelessness. Sadness and despondency. Confusion and just really really deep pain. Does this make one believe in God less? Is faith at some low point? I say absolutely not. For God is a precious and perfect God of the journey and sometimes the road has to drop out for us to see something. Some thing is put in place of the road. It is not a road at all any longer. Instead, during this times of insecurity, what you need is a great big bear rug to wrap up in. And you look and don’t see a way to go, sometimes you can look again and before you is placed the coziest, warmest, most luxurious bear rug in the world to cuddle up in, warmed by the fire of God’s love and given as a gift to let you know that God’s got you in the midst of this owie, thie traumatic thing. Nothing is bigger than His security, perfect care and loving provision. And your job then is not to figure it out but wrap up in it and take a deep rest, drinking in deep and holding on tight. There is more to life than the road taking you somewhere. Sometimes you just need to be.