I am stepping out soon to go with some lady friends to the Fancy Flea, a flea market annual event in Plant City. This is stepping put of my comfort zone by socializing with women (I get along better with guys in general), leaving the kids at home (I always have them) and shopping (which I hate- no, detest). Why? Because I was asked by a friend and am seeing the need to be more sacrificial in my friendships. I have used the mostly valid excuse that my husband wants or needs me home, I have to take care of the kids, have to walk the dog, have a hundred things to do to maintain the house and garden, need to stay home and teach, run the kids all over, etc. I have done little to nothing with my friends. I want to have them to dinner, go places, have tea parties, but my husband hates company and I have made allowances for that since day 1. I guess my inner hostess is pushing up through all this submission, perhaps my pride has not all been conquered or perhaps the length of the unfairness has erupted my anger, I am not certain, or perhaps my desire to go home being ignored and cast aside for so long is infuriating my inner rebel.
All these culminate to allow me to go shopping with friends soon without children. We will see what happens but it is my first outing with girlfriends in years. And maybe I don’t need to go and shouldn’t, but maybe this small rebellion will keep me from going nuts with homesickness. I miss my family desperately. And when I have felt like this in my life, I make a way to visit. My hands feel tied and I am, inside myself, starting to wriggle. So I will be praying over this. I really don’t want my inner desires to ever take over my commitment to God and faithfulness to humbleness. I do want God to be first always and His will for me to be bigger than any will of my own. And that is what I need to focus on.
Sorry for rambling and this stream of consciousness, but I figured out my desire to go shopping (which I detest) with the girls and why I am conflicted about it. It is way deeper than I imagined. And thinking it through has helped me see why I may not go but why I may instead get out in nature alone and pray for greater endurance and humbleness. I don’t spend a dime (that I am short on adter 3 birthdays this month) doing this and will be better for it. I will get precious time alone in nature with God.
I have changed my plans for the best. Praise God!😄❤
If you are fasting today, God bless you and I will also be praying and with you in Spirit. However, this week I am praying and fasting on Friday instead. We have two birthdays back to back (my husband today and daughter tomorrow). So I thought it wise to move my fasting day to a less distracted day. Flexibility is the key to get through busy months, I think. May God bless you beautiful day!!😄❤
Hanging on to a deep hurt from our past is like clenching a secret box of pain or bad choices or addiction that we have made a treasure of. We protect it. We keep it. We, like Gallum of the Lord of the Rings book series by J. R. Tolkien, call it “my precious” and would die to keep it and protect it.
Meanwhile, this protected box, though feeling familiar and safe and only ours, is killing us softly, keeping us bondage to it. We think we are holding our box but that box is holding us.
How do you feel safe enough to let it go? Only one way. We have to choose to do so. We have to humbly want to put the box down. As soon as we want Him to, God will take it from you. And He is with you along the way trying to get your attention to let you know life is better without that evil box we have been treasuring. Forgiveness is release of the pain and hurt in full pardon- you choose to forgive. Prayer is a powerful tool to help get you there. Love is too.
Let me encourage you by saying how freeing and light is to put the bad box treasure down. You feel as though you can fly without it. It is beautiful! And God is so very good!😄❤
Matthew 5, 6 & 7 is the Sermon on the Mount, arguably the strongest teaching from Jesus on how to live. Here, He corrects errors of heart. Here is the insight:
Thr Sermon on the Mount is teaching on how to obey the law (Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind and love your neighbor as yourself.) Only Jesus says to do this humbly and from the heart and WITH GRACE.
And this is the revolution Jesus led. That of grace and forgiveness, doing what is right humbly from the inside out with forgiveness.❤
There is an unwritten stupidity in many of our heads that prefers to stew and mull things over and brood rather than having a potentially uncomfortable conversation. However, quite often the other party is not even bothered by the matter or at the least most often not to the same extent. Yet we brood and suffer and pity ourselves and fester in a darkness of our own making.
So, I have opted from now on to have those potentially difficult conversations here and now rather than decrease the years of my life over them when it may be avoided. Better a moment’s discomfort than a long drawn out death over it. Tired of that. Tired of keeping it in. I was not like that as a kid, and by golly I am tired of eggshells. I will walk rightly in the fruits of the Spirit so as not to harm anyone but I will not puss foot around anymore when a conversation needs to happen. Now that is proactive for everyone’s good. So much negativity and energy can be saved if real eye to eye conversations happen. So much good is done that way. And here is my new manifesto… Keep moving forward wisely but with fruit (of the Spirit). I will do the right thing as often as I can, every time if possible.😄❤