I am far from perfect. I strive for being purified by God. I am way too realistic to strive for perfection. I understand full well that is impossible with me. Not because I am bad but because I am human. I strive to live to please God and be purified by Jesus. That is it. That makes me look not perfect but restored. I still have the scuffs and dings and scars but I am a restored, refurbished work of God.
Today, I blew it and again need restoration. Thankfully, God is in the business of detail work. I became angry at a leader in the church, an intern, actually. I said true but inappropriate things about him to a coworker in the kids ministry. I should not have. My anger was just and things are not being handled appropriately, but that is no excuse for me to vent and blow my cool, which I certainly did. True or not, gossip is wrong. Very wrong. I blew it. I saddened my God and I am fully sorry. I said my apologies and prayed my confession and apology and am now in the restoration shop of God again for some detail work.
The thing is, none of us is perfect. I handle my screw ups/sins way better than I used to, however, and I am thankful to God for that. He helped me meet my imperfections with humility rather than pride. The imperfections almost always originate from pride, so to meet them with humility is the cure. It is the step of repentence back. Humility is beautiful. And anyone who says humility is for sissies has never tried it. It requires far more bravery and strength and energy than base pride. But the results are restorative and glorious.
So I wanted to share that and maybe it can help someone too. God is so very good and full of grace and generous with forgiveness. Praise be the Lord!!!❤❤❤
When things are going well, look out. All was quiet for about a minute and internally peaceful with God’s love and grace and help. Still is really but seeing someone from my past pop up, someone I used to know every secret, someone who I obviously loved incredibly more than he loved me, who I haven’t seen in a long time, and now I am married to my husband and all is in the past. But seeing the face and hearing the name from a friend just reminded me of the weirdness and struggle with keeping focused on the now. It is easy for me to get distracted, my mind is always racing and God is the only one now who can focus me. And I had to refocus because it is strange to see someone you loved in the past out of nowhere when the loving someone now and being committed in marriage is happening. And I thought hard and really truly would not change a thing. If I had not gone through heartbreak, I would not realize fully God’s strength in restoring me and raising me from the dead. He saved me from myself, no question in my mind. I accept that everything happens for a reason, a blessing or a test, and that God gives grace when we fail the test if we ask Him and smiles if we pass the test. Tests must be. How else does anyone really know how they will respond in a specific situation if they are never in one. It is easy to say the right words without a struggle. When the struggle comes, you and God see what you are made of and infinitely more important what God is made of. How erasylse can we know with our tiny human minds? God has to show us. And I am so very thankful He chose grace for me and gave me a wonderful husband who takes such good care of us. I am content no knowing or contemplating the what ifs. What matters is the now. I choose God’s way and path for me. I am thankful for the blessings and thankful even more for the struggle. Pain is an impressive teacher sometimes if we are open to and decide to learn the leason. ❤
People love the ocean waves.
Me, I love them for a while
And then the sand is everywhere
And burned face cracks to smile.
So keep your beach and burning sand
And I will go to pool instead
And water will still cool me off
And with bathroom close by.
(Not a beach hater, just a realist. Lol)
Weird story: So, the weirdest thing ever was discovered on July 4th morning. Overnight, we were blessed with an invasion of ants. And a colony had invaded our bathroom and set up house in, of all places, our clear towel rack! We thought they had tunneled through the stupid built in rack holders the genius builders of the 80’s thought was so very clever. And we fumigated and got all but the few and queen surrounding the eggs in the center of the towel rack. This morning, however, there were more in the towel rack and I looked up and they were coming in through the fan as I had killed them on the outside of the house where they were getting in and thus prevented their escape. So, now they are all dead but that was so strange and immediate.
Application: I can’t help but associate that infestation with the infestation of sin. Sin sneaks in little by little by digging the hole and accumulating in unseen, unnoticed spaces of our lives. And when we least expect it and our defenses are down, we are overrun with our complacency and then have to deal with it.
Lesson learned: protect and be defensive, prepared with prayer and armed with sin-killer, a relationship with Jesus.😄 ❤
I have never fit in, always stood out like a sore thumb. My mom said that was my uniqueness and that strong leaders rarely blend in. I think that is partly true. Part of it is that I am an alien. Not an outer space one, but that I am a Christian, so my home is heaven and my Father is God. That makes a person weird in a society that worships the limited human as God and is petrified of death. I see eternal plus big picture and others see temporal plus details. And that difference of vision makes me very very weird. People don’t know what to do with me but follow if I deign to lead if the moment calls for it. It is just how it is. It used to be a lonely life but the closer I get to my Father God, the less lonely I feel. And I know forever looms closer than it ever has, so it’s all good.❤
Case in point. My distant neighbors had a white tent up that appeared to surround their house. My daughter observed it and asked about it. At first glance, I answered her that we needed to pray for our poor neighbors who must have to have their house fumigated for termites. Later, I discover I was wrong and that the tent was beside their house and was housing their daughter’s wedding reception. Lol How funny. I pictured termites meeting their demise in this tent and here is a new life union instead. And it goes to show that maybe some things we say or do require a greater explanation, many words or very clear and efficient ones. It is often necessary to explain or people will misrepresent us, just as we can easily misunderstand other people. Ask. Explain. Check. Certainly do so before speaking of what you are not certain with others. We seem to have lost the ability or desire to communicate with all this tech and anti-social (a good example of something not as it appears) media and endless entertainment and/or games and chats. We must be careful. It is imperitive.❤
As tears flow generously down the afore stained cheek, he mourns.
For loss of complete family and years of criticism, he breaks.
For neglect and demands and no free space, he wishes more.
While seeking meaning and purpose, he is scoffed.
In deep hormonal imbalance of teen season, he is insecure.
For him, I write love. I write courage. I write understanding. I write meaning. I write purpose. I write eternal security. I write truth. I am his Bible.❤