The Workings of a Sound Mind

Even in a dictatorship, the mind is free.

Even in deepest oppression, spirits can soar.

The mind is sound and it’s parts unique

And the draw to operate it can invent and create.

Even in solitude, the mind is free.

Even in abuse, the spirit can restore.

For God’s blessing to us is our brain

And our spirit is where His finds a home.

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Frog People/Poetry Against Drone People

American automatic amphibian

The frog changes so much

It starts unable to walk, just swim

With tail a wagging, needing, moving

It grows some legs and can swim faster still.

Still it is wagging, needing, moving

And then two more legs come out and it’s able

To now hop and need and move even more

And it eats with an automatic instinct, no thinking first

And it goes through life needing and moving

American automatic amphibian

Frog people I see, around me they live to

Move and need and eat automatically.

No precious love is seen in their eyes, 

Frog people move and need and grow and thrive

American automatic frog people.

Once was empathy, giving, sacrifice

Now there is mindless catching of flies

I refuse to be a frog lady. I refuse.

I will give, sacrifice, empathize, think, explore.

For God made frogs frogs and us so much more, as

American autonomous people.❤

Eye Sight

As I age, my eyesight in some ways is much worse than it was. Being perfect most of my life, and being in a family full of glasses, I figured it was a matter of time. That has proves to be the case, but God gave me 43 years without glasses and with perfect vision. I have been blessed. So now I need glasses to see things close to me, so when I read or work on the quilt or many things. I can get by without them but my mind must infer the correct words from the blur and it requires more energy and I get tired and a headache. Sounds really old right? Well, in other ways as I have (ahem) matured, my eyesight and heart sight is increasingly more keen. I can see behind the mask people wear. I can see past the tough guy act. I can see the motives in the eyes. I can catch glimmers of hope in a Christian’s eyes. I can see a child in wonder who wants to know something. I can see when people need love. I can feel a person’s pain and see what they really need past rheir wants. I guess this is spiritual maturity, affecting your eye sight down to your soul. So in some ways, my eye sight is worse but I am completely good with that because far more importantly my spiritual eye sight is so much more acute and more like Jesus’. That makes me very very happy.❤❤❤

How Quickly It Flies

Time moves at astounding speed when you wish it to relax. Time does not wait, shows no compassion for your goals, makes no apologies for marching on. Time flies like the gnat, unable to be harnessed and ridden. It bring to bare the behest of its Maker. Time flows in a rush, some great hurry it is in drives it onward. Time must be pressing onward for eternity where it can retire. It is hurrying to its rest. Time selfishly pushes all with it as it rushes to respite and we to eternity with our Maker, it’s Maker, the God of the Universe who constructed time for our eternal destination countdown and Who is unaffected by its implementation, by its existence and task. Time is obeying it’s Master. It will end soon. We must prepare for eternity and throw off the carnal. This would be wise.❤

The Voice in Your Head

Most of the mischief I ever got into, and believe me I have had my fair share, was due to my own mind’s meanderings. My mind rarely stops unless I am asleep, and even then my dreams are wild and in color. So, I have to get along with all the co structs of my mind, all the fuzzy little animals that live there and every memory it chooses to hang onto all at once, adding most of the time what I am doing currently. Which is why I am sometimes lacking focus. I love to be challenged mentally or physically because then everyone has to work together harmoniously to accomplish a task and there is a calm then. I had calm for quite some time recently until other stronger Eve GS took over that and we are back. But it was a nice break. And the voice in my head is always my own but it varies in color and feel and composition to where sometimes I let naughty win and sometimes nice. Mostly nice, thank God, and I know that He is the reason for that. See, if I give God the reins in my mind, I find it so much easier to do everything else in my life His way and not so much mine. I am naturally loving but not always the right things. Lol God guides my mind through the Holy Spirit and life becomes so much easier to bear in a much better fashion. God is natural at leadership and huge bonus loves me and wants what is best for me. So I love giving Him the control. Less for me to pour over. And the more often I listen to that still small voice in my head, the more I draw close to and appreciate God and His goodness and wisdom.

A Runaway Train

Difficult. When a mind pursues too much, charges ahead to worlds unknown, a calming force, a quiet voice, or a firm hug is needed. The stress of a father not long for this earth creates a vacuum of security as the known forges into the unknown and momentarily produces fear that a man will love and provide and be in my corner as my dad has always been. He has been that one man in life could truly count on, to love me unconditionally and I fight not in letting him go, for heaven is where he will be and deserves that happiness with Jesus. It is fear that I feel. I realized that tonight when I was mistakenly fearing something I really was not. Momentary confusion took over me and I realize I have absolutely no fear of that situation. I fear loosing my support system and that no one will be left who knows and loves me so well. I realize the ridiculousness of that but feelings often do not meet logic in the moment they fly off their perch. I am afraid that those who love me will only do so if I don’t screw up, which I am bound to do. I rather specialize at it lately. I fear there will be one less person to pray for me. I fear my standard of the perfect man will be lessoned or softened in time to lose some of the truth. I am afraid to be alone. Crazy, irrational fears like a runaway train pushing me farther down the irrational track. So stress was holding my mind hostage and fear was making feelings I don’t remember ever acknowledging to a living soul pour out of me onto this paper to try to make sense of them. Sense is an important word. Truth more so. And there is the heart of it. My wise best friend and unofficial therapist and authorized face smacker if needs be let me have my crazy in a nutshell. She spoke truth of who I am in Christ. She spoke of peace and beauty and joy and distraction and to remember who I am to combat these illogical fears. God chose wisely in my best friend. And along the way, I am sorry to have thought too hard about other things that were not the cruxt of the matter. I may have hurt or annoyed or frightened someone and for that I beg forgiveness and if not highest thanks for patience. I am figuring out all this as I go and need to rely more on my best friend to be my voice of calm and realism and truth that daddy was for me and can’t be now. “Tonny?” Was sometimes all it took and the tone of his voice calmed my spirit and stopped my runaway train thinking and all was well again and I was back, joking, helping, serving, making music, working, doing art, whatever it was, I was back on, back to normal. So, I begin again tomorrow with new reflections and truth streaming in where doubt and fear were, and should I soon need a real friend to hold me and calm me and say “Tonny?”, I trust God to provide that person who loves Him and maybe even me enough to help this little girl who can soar again with the right support and encouragement and a few hugs too. And I trust God now enough to hand down the baton from Daddy as main support person of my life to a next generation of support and love for me. Maybe He already has. Runaway train, you are confined to truth tracks.

Day Stops Sometimes

There are moments sometimes where day just stops for a minute and becomes very very dark. You all of a sudden feel very very alone. You feel like everything good in life was removed from the planet. And then the next moment day returns and you feel like there is a chance for happiness. These emotions take on a life of their own and decide to play some psycho volleyball game of pain and peace back and forth. Missing someone is like that. Someone you thought you would always have at your reach, suddenly made to be out of reach. Suddenly missing from your life when you were able to share every moment possible before, now unable to share those moments, unable to talk through the day, unable to hold onto. Still in your heart deeply and still deeply felt with every thought. The moments of loss come and shadow. Then moments of the rest of life come in and give glimpses of peace and hope. Back and forth. Back and forth. This is how life is when you miss someone you love. Life is different. It changes you. The lack of contact with someone you love changes you. Not being able to share your day’s events and thoughts changes you. You still love them but you miss them. So, working on what to do with so much loss at once, there is only one hope. The hope is that God gives you more good memories than the bad missing thoughts, that good would overcome evil, that it already has. Hope is that because I am a child of God that He would surround me with peace and joy and get my attention slowly off the sadness and into His peace, that His gentle whisper would drown out the screaming sadness, that love prevails and destroys the sadness, that joys of life from Him gain more importance than my own momentarily dark thoughts. Feeling deeply is not for the faint of heart. It hurts.