Struggling

When things are going well, look out. All was quiet for about a minute and internally peaceful with God’s love and grace and help. Still is really but seeing someone from my past pop up, someone I used to know every secret, someone who I obviously loved incredibly more than he loved me, who I haven’t seen in a long time, and now I am married to my husband and all is in the past. But seeing the face and hearing the name from a friend just reminded me of the weirdness and struggle with keeping focused on the now. It is easy for me to get distracted, my mind is always racing and God is the only one now who can focus me. And I had to refocus because it is strange to see someone you loved in the past out of nowhere when the loving someone now and being committed in marriage is happening. And I thought hard and really truly would not change a thing. If I had not gone through heartbreak, I would not realize fully God’s strength in restoring me and raising me from the dead. He saved me from myself, no question in my mind. I accept that everything happens for a reason, a blessing or a test, and that God gives grace when we fail the test if we ask Him and smiles if we pass the test. Tests must be. How else does anyone really know how they will respond in a specific situation if they are never in one. It is easy to say the right words without a struggle. When the struggle comes, you and God see what you are made of and infinitely more important what God is made of. How erasylse can we know with our tiny human minds? God has to show us. And I am so very thankful He chose grace for me and gave me a wonderful husband who takes such good care of us. I am content no knowing or contemplating the what ifs. What matters is the now. I choose God’s way and path for me. I am thankful for the blessings and thankful even more for the struggle. Pain is an impressive teacher sometimes if we are open to and decide to learn the leason. ❤

Advertisements

Rock Bottom

Been there, done that and it is not pretty. Rock bottom is not really rock but deep sludge that threatens to slowly drown you, in my case. Some people have an accident or incident that would probably feel like landing on rock after a 3 story freefall. But I digress, not wanting the glorify the bottom, whether rock or sludge. I merely want to say that I am not there anymore and will not be again. I can say that definitively because I am now standing firm on God’s promises. His promises are all throughout the Bible and all are mine through salvation in Jesus Christ, Yeshua. You see, there are three choices when you hit rock/sludge bottom. 1. Very selfishly and eternally die. 2. Proudly stay there and/or scramble up and drop back down repeatedly, indefinitel eternally. 3. Humbly pray to Jesus Christ for salvation and forgiveness and get up eternally. So, really two choices are quite foolish, if you think about it. Pride versus eternal life. Hmmm. I prefer humble myself, that was my choice. Every person can make this same choice anytime they want, foolish pride and eternal death and pain or humble acceptance of the free gift of salvation and obedience and eternal life. Hmmm. Doesn’t seem like a hard choice to me now. At the time it was, which is why I had to hit rock/sludge bottom to begin with. Jesus is hope, you see. Truth, peace, joy, faithfulness, gentleness, love and hope, the whole bit. Just something to think about. ❤

Church at Home

Today, as the kids and I were getting in the car to go to church, our car battery was dead. By the time we scraped off the corrosion and recharged the battery, we would have been terribly late and maybe the car would have gotten us back home again and maybe not. So we had church at home. We spent time together, we watched a program enforcing lived out Christianity. We communed together and remembered what Jesus did for us and still does. We thought about things we could do around us. We sang together. Best church I’ve had in a while, truth be told. And I believe this was God’s idea. I believe He wants to grow us to greater compassion and need meeting in our area. I believe there are people around us who are forgotten and ignored, despite many many churches around us, and God made and loves each of them and wants them saved. We have so many churches around us. I wish we had more Christians. I decided we will start by obeying and being a help to those around us. Not with demands or expectations, just with love where they are because of Who made these beautiful but wounded (aren’t we all) people. And once we touch lives, I really hope there is a real Jesus church who welcomes people in and keep feeding their souls Jesus and not pharisee-like social or political bull. Who will join me in this compassion initiative? Show compassion to one person you see. See a person and their need and help. No motive but love. Join me.❤

Trying Something New

So, it is try something new day. The butler’s pantry (which is so funny because we just were putting in a pantry with a bar sink for coffee and the guy at Lowes said that was a “butler’s pantry” lol) is getting a marble tile backslash. It is the first time ever installing tile. We are doing this smaller area in practice for the slightly larger lol kitchen we are renovating next. And like everything else, to do something new is to expand your skill set and confidence and knowledge and feels good. Messy but good, like most good things. Lol. And as I am watching youtu.be e videos how to do all this, it occurs to me that most people pay other people money to do something they have never done out of fear or ignorance or laziness when they could easily do it themselves if they simply did a little research and tried. And then I realized that everything is like that. I had never made a quilt but wanted to make a personalized one for each of my kids and just did it. And the first one was hard and the second was easier. How true that is of everything. Just do it! 🙂

Purifying My Heart

Where there is a human being on this planet in this condition, there is a heart within that person struggling against impurity. It can be subtle like thinking too much of household upkeep to as damaging as harboring hate to commit a crime against another or self and any possible scenario between. Most of the time an excess of pride and thus selfish thinking, considering one’s self way too highly, is the greatest purity harmed because things are justified such as wanting someone else’s things or looking at things we should not or pampering yourself with monies allocated for missions or whatever. And we get here to the point. Jesus Christ is catching away the true, pure of heart Christians on this planet probably pretty soon here. There will be a catching up and we will be removed from this planet so we don’t have to go through the horrors of the tribulation. Those Christians impure of heart or lukewarm or lazy in their walk or relationship with Jesus Christ will have to go through the horrible tribulation to purify themselves and prove they choose God. I do not want that and certainly don’t want hell in my eternal future, so I want a pure heart and passionate walk and relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I sure bet you do to. So how do we do that? From my viewpoint, deprivation and humility, constant prayer with fastinh, Bible reading, and loving/serving people in your path every time you meet them. That is it. I say “deprivation” because that is how rich Americans would see letting go of luxuries that distract such as idols, money, fancy things, salon and spa appointments, social media and tech, most movies and tv shows, most news, porn, drugs, alcohol, whatever distracts and has been more time consuming and attention enrapturing than God and worshipping Him and your relationship with Him. The Bible is truth. Everything written in it is truth. It has happened or will happen. We must be pure and strong in faith and action and purity of heart and encourage others to be also. I really want everyone saved and so does God in His great love and grace! Praise God! Fall back in love with Him or just deepen your love for Him and throw distractions away. Be ready with me, might be today or in a few years but I have a saying on my fridge: “Jesus is coming for me today… unless He doesn’t.” It is better today day be safe than sorry when the stakes are so high. And God is so amazing and worthy and loving Him as He loves us is so wonderful! You can not go wrong.

Encouragement Fosters Life

I have few but potent encouragers in my life and quite frankly, I was lost in either a damaged or grieving or pouting much in my life up to now, so sad to say but I confess it freely. I have been wounded much of my life and feel like a really slow learner in that now, after 43 entire, jam packed years of life, I finally get it. Humble plus prayer and Bible study equals health, peace, joy, forgiveness, love, wholeness, contentment, healing, blessings, provision and all good things. I have been missing that key and an encouraging friend opened my eyes with God’s help and pointed me down the right road. I thought I was on it but was still criss crossing the right road while meandering down my own. I realize my road was sometimes the right road and sometimes had that extra element of pride that produced ugly things sometimes. I felt rules were sometimes a gray and that life should sometimes go the way I wanted and God could figure out how to make that work well enough. I’m not making this up, folks, and I am pretty sure I am not alone. Lol But now! Encouragement from a friend breathed life into me and made me realize my stupidity in not getting it right so long. Most of my actions and about half my words were right and good and correct but my heart inside was as often motivated by my own foolish pride than God’s perfect loving will, His Word/Truth. And this encouragement was not what you would expect. It wasn’t pretty affirmations or vain flattery or tickling praises on a job well done. Nope. It was a reprimand made about similar heart problems in someone else not even meant for me. But it resonated and made me think and realize (and I am sure someone was praying for me, thank you!!!). I needed to have everything ripped from me to realize in my or any humble heart, God comforts, blesses, purifies, answers, restores, draws close, forgives, walks with, etc. Humbling your heart and talking to God opens the door to His throne room where instead of judging, He comes to hug you. Encouragement, I have found, is not flattery at all. It is truth telling. Flat out telling the truth. The truth of God is encouraging beyond measure when you are humbly walking and talking with God and caustic when you are away from Him. That is why evil doers seemingly happy in their evil pride and haughtiness like I was find truth unsettling and needing modification to feel better and some even fight truth tooth and nail. Say that five times fast. Lol So, my hearty thanks go out all who tell me the truth/encourage me. I hope to encourage you. That has always been my goal. And if you encourage/truth tell, may God bless you heartily. I love you much! I try to resemble that every day. My heart is growing in leaps and bounds with humility and frequent prayers. May yours be also. God bless you on your journey! ❤

Sweet Sweet Obedience

I admit humbly that I was convicted tonight. I watched a youtube video of Heartdwellers on the rapture and was convicted by the Holy Spirit to quit being on social media and just obey, fast and pray. I have been on Twitter a lot tweeting Bible verses, my blog, and encouraging quotes. That few hear. A lot of time is wasted that I could be spending more learn g time with my kids or serving with them or volunteering more with Viste (helping elderly in need) or take my kids to play with kids at the orphanage in town or serve food at the homeless shelter or something. I thought I was doing this great mission thing but end up only heard by those who agree and not ministering at all so I will obey and get off all social media. My mom just did a piano concert at an assisted living facility and I would like to do that too. And I have a family to care for and house that needs a sprung cleaning. So there it is. I will keep blogging because I have beautiful regular readers to share life with, some feel like family but I will delete all other social media accounts. That may not be what everyone else needs to do but I have to obey what God wants me to do. I have been like my daughter when I tell her to get ready for bed and accounts he draws me a beautiful picture and I say, “This is beautiful but I would rather you just obeyed.” And it feels like God said the same to me. And I so want to be ready when He comes back soon. I want my family ready and as many people as I can help be ready as possible. And tomorrow so the big deletion day and I will be off and running with sweet sweet obedience as my goal and love my engine and peace and joy my strength.