Not Famous But Effective

I grew up on stage. I knew I belonged there, and I understand how few people that is true of. The thing is, many people want to do big things, important things, things people notice and are glorifying you for. It is nice to have that affirmation, to feel important, to feel known. But the men in my life, with the exception of my daddy, have always made me feel low, humbled me, dishonored me, made me feel important only when they need something, made me feel stupid and unworthy in some way, like a screw up unless I waited on them hand and foot and bowed to their wishes and whims. Yes, there are two sides to every coin and I have been partially responsible in my choices and discontentment and pride or whatever. So I have god to the Lord for guidance and love and here was my lesson from Him… “Please me, be effective, I am pleased and love you. I don’t need you famous, I am the famous One of Israel. I need you to obey and worship and pray with the faith I gave you. I will take care of you always, providing what you need. I love you.” And there it is. My decisions may have screwed up many talents I should be using for God, but the Great Physician heals and restores and as my Heavenly Father also provides and really really loves. He is pleased as I obey, as I am pleased as my kids obey. He is pleased when I do my best for Him like I am pleased when my kids do their best for me or God. Effective is the key and famous is respectfully reserved for God. ❤❤❤

Mounting Misery

Now, I believe this mounting misery I and so many of my friends/family are experiencing are spiritual attacks in origin. I believe the enemy is grasping to destroy as many people as possible because his time is short and Jesus’ return and reign is soon. So bad guys are ramping up their game, the enemy is attacking harder, people’s spiritual decisions become more apparent. The problem with this is that we feel it. It is very real for us, not some intangible idea but a very real things are horrible sometimes kind of thing. Sometimes seems unbearable and I cry a lot. Yes, this tower of encouragement and strength weeps like a little girl at the despair, loneliness, attacks, ugliness around me, problems other people are having. It is very hard. So I wanted to encourage you to remember that things are real yes but are guided and orchestrated by a demon or principality of darkness and evil. Willing people are often used by these evil beings as pawns but our fight is truly a spiritual one. So we must fight together and help and lift each other up and band together using our most powerful spiritual weapons: contrition, salvation, prayer, worship, drawing close to God, Bible reading and fellowship. That is it. Problem is the same as the day of the first sin just is more escalated now. Message and solution are the same simple message and solution as ever also. We got this. Do not lose hope or stop fighting. Be strong andolutionnd courageous. Do not be afraid. God has overcome already. Remember that and cling to Him and His promises. I am right here with you and God sure is too. Love you! God is good!!❤❤❤

Late Night Thoughts

Recently, I have been struggling with my over-thinking at night. Night is when I am alone in my apartment, it is dark, I am lonesome and my thoughts wander a lot, sometimes in deep thought of spiritual matters, sometimes in physical and shallow matters like wishing I was not lonesome, sometimes in thoughts of people who once walked with me in the journey and hoping they are ok and praying for them. I have very recently decided to try to harness these thoughts and tame them, trying to take them captive for Jesus and give them over to Him for sorting and guiding. It is and new mental exercise, so to speak. I do not wish to allow my over-thinking to be used by the enemy and turned into a stumbling block, so I see wisdom in it. And God is increasingly my focus, His Word, prayer with Him, just worshiping and praising Him. It is a great new focal point on my journey through life. Love you! ❤

New Chapter for Zach

So, my pre-teen son has been struggling lately with normal hormone issues plus his dad’s drama with his psychotic wife and two of her three boys’ meanness and his stepdad’s often acute critical attacks on him. So we thought it best to enroll him in the US Naval Sea Cadets (a Sea Bee battalion for his age group). This allows him to develop leadership skills and train him for many various skills and leadership and service rolls, as well as foster his growth and development in allows positive way. So today, I dropped him off for his first mini boot camp. Not only did I not have to wake him at 6am, but he was ready to go at 6am, having gotten himself up at 5:30am. We left early and were the first ones there. And the sunrise in was spectacular and affirming, with sunset pink colors and a heavy mist on the grassy fields we passed. I am excited for this new phase of his journey toward manhood. I am so proud of him. And the I got back and walked my mile and a half, talking to God the whole way, and am now sitting contentedly on the porch swing looking at this:

And I know God is in control and good and beautiful and I am so very appreciative for all His blessings and opportunities to serve. Oh how I love Him! God is sooooo good! ❤❤❤

Restoration of a Soul

I just watched a testimony on TV about a woman restored by God from drugs, spiritism, abuse, abortions, horrible experiences. It is amazing the loving power of Jesus. What He can touch and heal immediately when humbly asked is almost beyond comprehension. Jesus made this transformation in my life. I have wandered in my pride, been attacked, been abused for years by my sister, been emotionally abused in a bad marriage for years, made many bad choices in life, many bad men and this crumbled mess of a girl is the strong woman of God I am today. Jesus is the only reason and my Grandma’s prayers and her faith in what God can do prompted Jesus to keep fighting for me. He came after me. I had pushed Him away for years just sure a momentary love of a man would take care of me and heal me and that never happened, only made things worse. And it took utter disaster and broken heartedness on the deepest level in my life to humble my heart to accept Jesus’ love and salvation. It is powerful and precious and tender and potent drenched with love all at the same time. I am free in Him. And safe. And utterly in love with Him. I adore everything about Him. I love how He sets birds into song in the morning. His trees are regal, flowers are luxurious, animals fun and diverse. The way He patiently calms me and comforts me when I remember something and bawl again is precious to me. Oh how I love Jesus. Oh how He loves me. And oh how He loves you!❤❤❤

God Rewards

When we stay close to the Lord, He stays close to us. When we have humble souls before Him (giving Him the proper respect as God) and worship and obey Him, let me tell you He blesses. He doesn’t control other people (that whole free will thing) so we will always have troubles until heaven, but He promises to stay with us and reward our efforts for Him and love and support us all the while. God always keeps His promises, and one very cool thing about Him is that for every command in the Bible, He also right after gives one promise/blessing that corresponds. Every one. I dare you to look. And He is truth so is good on His word!! You cannot count on people- any person will and can let you down or break a promise. But God never lies, changes His mind, breaks His promises, falls asleep on the job, fails you, is unfaithful or untrue to His word. Ever. You can rest with peace and joy in God and know your energy is well placed and perfectly poised. You can never go wrong with God. He is probably the only One you can ever say that about. If God is asleep only you have, God is all you need. That is so true. ❤❤❤

The Hardness of Life

You get to a spot where you are feeling good physically ascend spiritually and then someone you love attacks you and your son emotionally the next minute then blames you. What do you do? Here is the problem with this temporary world. It is full of evil, even in your personal life around you. Evil is everywhere preying on you. Even after great celebrations with friends, even during or on car rides to and from. It seems hopeless and horrible. And so it is an endless cycle on this rock and we move to humbly waving the white flag and praying for help and wisdom. And God always provides, I just have to change my thinking and remember that our fights are very personal but that people are sometimes unassuming pawns of evil spirits trying always to seek and destroy and ruin everything. I have to write that down and put it on my mirror and fridge. God is bigger than this and has already won this battle. I need to find shelter AGAIN in His capable arms. God is good!❤❤❤