Closeup Inspection

So, I took an uncomfortably closeup shot just to look objectively at my health progress and I noticed something other than the plain features and small hormonal breakout. I still don’t look anything like either my mom or my dad (so the adopted theory is still on the table). However, I am looking a little bit more like my sister in the eyes as I age. And that is making the adopted theory a bit shakier now. Lol Well, have a fantastic night’s sleep, beautiful friend. ❤

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Eye Sight

As I age, my eyesight in some ways is much worse than it was. Being perfect most of my life, and being in a family full of glasses, I figured it was a matter of time. That has proves to be the case, but God gave me 43 years without glasses and with perfect vision. I have been blessed. So now I need glasses to see things close to me, so when I read or work on the quilt or many things. I can get by without them but my mind must infer the correct words from the blur and it requires more energy and I get tired and a headache. Sounds really old right? Well, in other ways as I have (ahem) matured, my eyesight and heart sight is increasingly more keen. I can see behind the mask people wear. I can see past the tough guy act. I can see the motives in the eyes. I can catch glimmers of hope in a Christian’s eyes. I can see a child in wonder who wants to know something. I can see when people need love. I can feel a person’s pain and see what they really need past rheir wants. I guess this is spiritual maturity, affecting your eye sight down to your soul. So in some ways, my eye sight is worse but I am completely good with that because far more importantly my spiritual eye sight is so much more acute and more like Jesus’. That makes me very very happy.❤❤❤

God, the Great Physician 

God healed my eyes. Let me explain. Last night, I had an eye ache, pain in my eyes and a feeling like something was in them, pressure. I looked in the mirror and some weird lack of pigment was tolling around in my eye pupils and lenses. It was obvious something pretty big was wrong. I pictured going blind and immediately started planning how I would be as little of a nuisance as possible let but every best case scenario, I would be an inconvenience and be limited in function for the Lord’s service. So I prayed. I out loud rejected the spirit of infirmity that was at work in my eyes and commanded they leave in Jesus’ name. Then I prayed again and thanked God for healing my eyes. God healed my eyes. Today, they were sore antgainndt first and had a lot of drainage and them have been fine all day. Praise God, the Great Physician!!! He made it so can fix it or build a new one. We just need to humbly ask asked believe He can and will answer in the beat possible way for us. That is it. God rules!!! Praise be the name of the Lord God Almighty!!!

Cleaning the Glasses

One of the joys (insert sarcasm) for me in turning 43 was a new, lovely (more sarcasm) fuzziness of things/words close to me. So now I have the luxury (yep, here too) of wearing reading glasses when I read or quilt, etc. Woo hoo! And one day, I put my glasses on to quilt and things were still fuzzy. I read and the words were fuzzy. So, assuming my eyesight was worsening, I started to be annoyed until I realized that my glasses had been smudged by fingerprints or some other obnoxious thing. I cleaned them and all was right again (or as right as possible having to wear reading glasses-Oy!). And I realized that we do that in life too. We see things flawed or skewed when in reality, we have some issues to clean up in the lenses of our minds. You see, how we view the world has everything to do with (directly proportional to) how much we clean up our hearts and minds. Truth is the great cleaning tool for this, found in the Bible, with a healthy heaping of love and prayer with God. When purified/cleaned, we see things differently, and our goal is to be so pure we see with the eyes of Jesus Christ. Then we understand what we need to do to help and why and how. This is a truly fantastic thing! ❤❤❤

The Way of the Broken

Just saw a very good and beloved friend from my past. It amazes me when I meet up again with someone who was the purpose for a serious lesson learned long ago and you realize that God takes you exactly where you need to go in life. The way of the broken for the moment is to see the broken as the new you, see yourself as changed, different, lacking now because of some circumstances that disturbed you. And here is God the whole time saying that your broken has never looked more beautiful for there are new cracks that he can fill with gold and diamond inlays. He mends our broken with valuable and beautiful bedazzle. And you end up different yes, but in such a good way as to be strong get and more beautiful and wiser and more mature and now so E sort of walking testimonials y of God’s beauty that can only shine gloriously out of broken. I walk the way of the broken and I am incredible. I know more at 42 than most people die knowing and not because I am great but because I have been broken so many times and allowed God to mend me. He does the work, see. We break and let Him do His thing and He will recreate and fill that with such beauty. I saw this amazing art show one time that portrayed some of the oldest, messiest people you can imagine and captured their eyes. Baby, those eyes moved my soul. God fixes broken so perfectly that He pours right out of His work. I am proud to walk the way of the broken because I know how God works. I absolutely shine.

Sometimes I am Sad

Normally very happy because it is my choice to be so, it is strange to most that I too have sad days once in a while. I do nonetheless, and I want to explore and share it because you might need to pour out or understand some sad days too and you are not alone in that. Everyone, even perpetually happy people have moments of sadness or days or weeks or months even. For me, if I feel it for a day and have a good eye downpour, it passes by the next morning but that is just my experience. Most of the time my sad days center around my daddy, whose dementia is worsening by the day and I am watching slowly drift off to oblivion. That is my sad spot. We have good days and bad days but even his bad days he is not himself any longer, not fully. There is a point he has crossed where he will never be fully himself ever again. His body, always strong and will even stronger keep on even in their weekened state, but his mind is losing the battle. And missing him is not mourning him because some form still remains and I remember. So the pain is acute and long term. I miss my dad but still have him to visit and care for. And today that hit me hard because his mind wandered many paths during my visit, during our attempt at conversation. The second part of my sadness was my son having a cold but going to his dad’s house for the weekend where I can not take care of him and nurse him back to health, and when I asked how he was I received no response. That frustrates and saddens me because I care about the health of my boy. So these two factors and one other I cannot discuss had led me to the point yesterday where my eyes received a good cleaning and my mind dwelt on the sadness far too long. Sometimes you have to feel it. You have to just be sad. In fact, during said times, I try to be as sad as possible, making it far sadder with my imagination, picturing everyone I meet with hidden sadness and tears about to emerge. Then I can cry harder, more painfully, more heartfealt. What purpose does this serve? It cleans my eyes, for one. Secondly, it gets it over faster so I can move on to the rainbow after the flood. Thirdly, if I do this hard enough, I become ridiculous to myself and will turn it over into laughter. Maybe that is a little crazy, but a little crazy never hurt anyone and by the way do not judge me. lol. If I can convert the energy of the tears into a greater more positive energy of laughter, it helps everything and lifts my spirits, cheering me up afterwards. It is not that I negate or dishonor the sadness but that I pay it homage and respect it but then draw the line at it ruling my life. The sadness must never be the goal, must never rule the show. It is a means to an end, which is to remember that God gives joy and peace and comforts us when we mourn. That is the end of the story, you see, my friend. It is a happy ending. It is an ending worth pushing through to get to.

The Fire in my Eye

Once upon a time, God made me. I plopped into this world with a pretty big thud (over 9 lbs) and alone. My twin brother decided to meet me in heaven later. So here I was, on this earth and from day one there was a fire in my eyes. A sweet fire, but a fire nonetheless. I grew with that fire sparking, always sparking, lots of life, lots of drive. Fast forward 20 years or so and I made some really stupid choices to allow another human person to douse my fire, diminish my spark, lesson my drive. I believed an idiot. And I didn’t realize it at the time, but believing an idiot over the truth made me an idiot too, against the truth of who I was I believed a clueless wonder, a moron who made someone (me in this case) feel like less to feel like more. And dumb me of ancient past believed such lies and a fire, born to blaze eternally, went out. Not completely because it is innate. A fire was still perking unseen, awaiting a new spark. Fast forward past one misfit marriage into one of much more freedom and finally what relit the flame of life, of drive, of passions and pursuits for God, of peaceful movement forward was a spark of love and acceptance and fitting somewhere with someone whole who fit back. And life moves on again, fire is reborn, stronger and wiser than it was before and I see God’s hand in this. I feel the passion for life I once had, I hear the calm reaching hand of the Almighty coming toward me and feel Him lifting my head. So never underestimate the power of your love on another’s life. Love may mean the difference for them, may relight the fire in their eyes. And loving them and making a difference to them may relight your own fire. Sometimes doing what seems hopeless brings hope when done anyway. Have a goal of relighting at least one fire in your lifetime. What a gift that is! What a blessing!