Single Discouragement/Spouse Desperation and Jesus

I have friends who are single with God. Either this is on purpose, as is the case with our nephew who became a Jesuit priest, or unwillingly because they have never been asked to marry, never met the right person. And this latter group is who I am addressing. When you have the Lord and stay close to Him, God is RI her in comfort and understanding and much more unconditional in love than any man or woman and you are really blessed. It is easy to see what you think other people have b in a spouse, but in my experience, living with a spouse is very lonely. They want you to be what they want, take care of them, do everything their way, disregard your own needs in strong favor of theirs. And my husband has never slept in our bedroom, preferring n the couch. I used to cry a lot. He preferred gawking at prostitutes online to looking lovingly at me and that also made me cry and discouraged me. And guys are never the gentlemen they appear to be when they are dating you and trying to win your hand. It is a deception, in my experience. There is good too, a lot of it, like him paying the bills and taking us to dinner and allowing me to homeschool the kids at home. But I am making a real point here. You can not only be lonely in marriage but you can be lonelier. Sure you have a companion, but it is on their terms. So the key to joy in life is not a spouse, it is closeness to God. A relationship with Jesus trumps everything and makes married life worthwhile and peaceful as well as makes singleness worthwhile and peaceful. Thr closeness to Jesus is most definitely our only hope and what makes all of life beautiful and prepares us for eternal life with Him. So stop searching for another person to make you successful and happy and trust in Jesus and draw close to Him for joy and success and the highest worth.❤

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Why Pornography Hurts Marriages

Pornography is not innocent fun. It hurts relationships and here is how, from a Christian wife’s perspective.

1. Trust is blown. The adulterer (person engaging in porn) has committed an adultery against his/her spouse. This has been done against the spouse’s back most of the time and been lied about. This tears down a trust wall pretty quickly.

2. It makes the spouse look bad/be easily disrespected because the spouse engaging in porn is viewed by the spouse as a self-control-less dog, some animal that can’t even control the sexual urges enough to keep sex between them only.

3. The spouse engaging in porn is dishonoring his/her spouse but the implied message that he/she is not enough to satisfy them, not airbrushed and misproportioned like those viewed, not unnatural enough, not good enough, not worth honoring with faithfulness.

4. The spouse engaging in porn develops a perverted and incorrect view of sex and becomes more and more difficult to make love (big difference) to their spouse. The plastic bimbos for hire are sex slaves and intimacy suffers enormously with the spouse who is not a sex slave but was designed to be so much more.

5. God is dishonored. This is the most important problem with porn. God is dishonored because you are saying by engaging in porn that what He says is irrelevant and unimportant and that disobedience and disrespect cannot help but separate you from a joyful prayer life and close relationship with God and if not repented from can cost you much more in eternity.

There are other reasons porn is sin and horrible for relationships, but these are the main ones I have found to be true and why couples should seek help if engaging in porn has become a habit (addiction illness) or if it has created a rift in the relationship. And God is only ever a humble prayer away to help also. ❤

Special Kind of Talent

I was able to be a supportive wife with my kids today at my husband’s gig at Old Town. Yet somehow my special kind of talent again allowed me to help set up and tear down as well as do the sound check as the lead female vocalist and pianist were late. So I worked during the gig and supported my husband and the band he was helping out. I always manage to be helping or filling in or something. I arrive and end up being a teacher or roadie or sound checker or boss or janitir, whatever the need is. That seems to be my talent. I guess that is either competent or a humble servant’s heart or just naive. In any case, God knows full well I work for Him and no one else. Those I help I see as helping Him. Someone asks me to help, I assume God just asked me to help. That is how I was brought up and how I am. And I guess my stubbornness and faith kick in and I do it whether or not I ever have, and God always blesses my efforts for Him. For instance, the band appreciated what I did and asked me to sing lead for them in another gig. So… cool. And God always blesses my support of my husband (even if he was really mean that day). It is funny. When I drop my pride and be supportive and do what I know I should do, God blesses and the I am treated better. Most of the time. But even if not, I am not working for a person, I work for God, you see. So this night was very fun and they were great and I am rewarded and happy and exhausted. Going to bed now. Sweet dreams, friend. ❤ 

A Good Man

I am married to a very good man. All good men and women are humans so none of us is perfect. I screw up all the time, despite my best efforts. And so does he. And while some people hold people to an impossible perfection expectation, I have no bent toward that particular sin and accept him as he is, with hope that he accepts me as I am too, “warts and all”, as the Brittish put it. And I believe sincerely that God can bond and unite two imperfect people and create from them someone better and more able to serve Him and others, and that common goal helps unify. It further helps that we are bonded by music. I believe all marrieds should have something in common to do together. And may God bless us all. ❤

A Selfish Spouse

Our band brother was a passionate, wonderful drummer who loved drumming and was great to work with, our friend for 8 years. He married a selfish, narcissistic woman who made him quit the two bands he was in with us, church band and our band, and made him quit our church and disassociate with all of us. Recently, I found out she also made him sell all his drum kit too, and I am certain that was his therapy in dealing with her and life in general. This is an extreme example of a selfish spouse. She doesn’t want a life partner nearly as much as a servant or slave for life. It is pathetic and horrible and definitely not God’s design for marriage. In fact, masters are not even supposed to treat their servants so poorly. Ok, so I am writing this for two reasons. Wil, if you are out there, we all in your band family feel your pain and love you and believe in you both as a person and a great drummer. And people, when you marry, know that the other person matters as much as you do. You are to share love and respect and honor and support each other. Build each other up and not put them down, most especially their God given gifts because you will be punished for doing so. Love each other as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. This self-sacrifice (not self-ishness) characterizes a true Christian. ❤ 

Unexpected Separations

So our grown son (from my husband’s previous marriage), the Marine and all around really great guy (maybe a tad biased), gave us the wham banger news that his wife of 4-ish years just left him for her ex-fiance of ancient past, the one who wouldn’t commit. Yep. We were going to visit them this week. Now, instead, he is moving alone out west to room with a Marine brother and a fresh start because he loves her sincerely and everything there is her. And I got to thinking. I had that happen in my ancient past… dumped for an unworthy ex after years of commitment and mutual love. And some people are a blessing in your life when they are there and some are are greater blessing when they go. It is impossible to say and realize that for about are year and that is are fact. Before a year is up, you only say it through clenched jaw. But how much worse to end up in many years with someone who hates you and has run you into the ground or stolen your freedom and identity and taken all your purpose to suit them and then threw you out or selfishly cheated. And like I was, he is blessed to start afresh and have us praying for him and encouraging him, and whatever God had for Him can be more apparent without someone half there and unsupportive. Nonetheless, as horrible as divorce is, sometimes you are forced to face it and change everything and that is never easy. So if you think of it, please pray for our son to find the path God wants Him now. God is the healer of hearts and Maker and Lifter of our heads. Thank you and God bless us, everyone!❤

Practicing Joy and Peace

In marriage, you have a lot of time to practice joy and peace. Happiness is direct reaction to circumstances so joy and peace are quite different as they are deep enough to keep you soundly whether or not your circumstances are favorable or heavy. And marriage is the constant bending of my will and bowing of my head in compromise. Ideally both are doing so but my responsibility is what I am doing. So bad day for spouse often would be bad day for me but as my relationship with God has deepened and grown and ripened, my joy and peace have sunk in to depths impenetrable by surface tremors. It is tested though some days, like today. It seems like the happier I come in from my devotion walk, the more the enemy will try through my husband to discourage me. And I have to remember that my fight is not against flesh and blood and certainly not against my husband who I am bonded with. And the more the attacks, the greater the joy and peace. And that boggles the mind but is because Jesus endured so much for us, for me too, out of His sheer love for us, so amazingly. And to have difficulty and yet not sin in it and go to Him with it and pray and give it to Him who is capable of understanding and powerful enough to dissolve it is to honor Him. And I want everything I do and say you honor Him. He is everything. So I practice my joy and peace and feel exceedingly blessed to be so greatly loved by my Heavenly Father, who happens to be the Creator of the universe and me and you.❤❤❤