I used to get angry at myself for showing my feelings. It always seemed to be frowned upon. I was always a very emotional girl but no one would ever know it. I was led to believe crying is for babies and emotional outbursts were for the out of control and thus a crime. I stifled. I wondered why we had feelings if we could never express them. Then I thought maybe they were for marriage, to pour into your mate for life. And then I had no feelings left after a very short amount of time and did not know where to go from there. Upon remarrying, my husband quiets and limits my emotion and feelings also so again I am quelled. Why does God give us emotions if we have to stifle them all the time? There must be a reason because He never makes mistakes and I am not questioning Him, just me. Am I so different? Is this my biggest reason I am weird? Even worshipping, people want quiet reverence when I want to scream and dance that my Savior lives and loves us and is coming soon!!! There seems a strange conundrum here. Perhaps it is because we are made for something more… some greater freedom. Maybe heaven will be loud and fun. Maybe we are given feelings to motivate us to act. Maybe evil screwed that all up too and we will be free when it is laid to rest soon. For whatever reason, I will continue to ride it out and try my very best to minimize my emotions and discount my feelings. I warn you, though, I am gaining ground with self-control (why one person that attacked my family is still unharmed and will remain so- I forgive her) but I am caring less and less what others think of my worshipping the Lord corporately. I care what God thinks. Everyone else, not so much anymore. I obey God, not them.❤
We can rest assure that God is in control of the universe and it’s going ons. Nothing is out of the scope of His attention and nothing can escape His notice. That is terrifying to those against Him, but so reassuring to those of us who love Him and are under His protection. His truth and His Word prevails every battle, every war and noone is capable of winning against Him. He is large and in charge. And He is my Heavenly Father by adoption and design because I chose to be saved and humble myself under His leadership. And anyone can. And everyone should. He wants everyone saved. He made each and every person on purpose and with special gifts and in love. And no matter what you have said or done, He still wants you and me and forgives so generously with grace and even helps you stop doing bad things. It is the most beautiful story of redemption and power and love I know of. ❤❤❤
When we walk with God, and if our faith deepens to the point of putting our lives in His capable hands, He directs our paths. And like walking in the dark from step to step on flat towers with huge chasms beneath, God gives light and direction to our steps and we realize that following Him who is so full of grace, love and knowledge is actually never walking through the unknown for He knows everything and guides us. So it is never a matter of unknown but not enough faith. And as our faith and relationship with God grows, our need to know lessons and we become the culmination of what we should be, children.
Our neighbor is a cat lady for sure. in fact, their whole family is like that. They believe all the neighbors should be very happy and find it cute when their 5 cats (reduced now from 8) poop in our yards. No inconvenience really, of course I love stepping in cat poop every time we play catch in the back yard. Of course it is super cute to step on more cat poop with your good shoes on your way to the car. All good. Funny even. And I got to thinking about my words. I write a lot, being a writer, but I also (unlike many writers) am an extrovert so also tend to talk too much. And my excess of words, in and of themselves may not be bad per se but may be like my cat lady neighbor’s cat poop… unwanted and irritating, poorly timed and poorly placed if I am not careful. So, to remain sweet smelling and wanted, I must tame the savage beast of my tongue until it’s presence is requested or needed. Until then, I must maintain my boundaries and enjoy life alongside my family, embraced and protected by God. This is a higher calling and much more desirable. I want to be a good neighbor.
There are legitimate things to fear. These things are eternal things. Hell is one. But much more so those who have the power to send you away from God (to hell). Those people are God Himself and we who decide on earth to follow/worship/serve God or not. Those are the two people to fear. God is loving, yes, and wants everyone to be saved, but He leaves that decision to us. Every and anything else that can happen on this earth is temporary, momentary in comparison to eternity that never ends. So, there is the proper perspective in a nutshell from a big picture person. The details are where one can easily stumble. Pain is a big fear and no on wants to hurt for any reason, so here is my take on pain. Leprocy is a disease where the person’s skin does not feel pain. Wonderful, right? Wrong, and any leper would give tons of money to be able to feel pain. Pain tells you you really alive and feel something, warns you to withdraw from fire or draw back the hand from a door closing on it. Pain protects. Too much hurts for a while but promotes action and goes away when attended. Death is a big one. If you received God’s child and accepted Jesus as your Savior, you go straight to paradise, so that is much better than here. No worry there. Some people are afraid of what might happen to their kids or over ones if hey die or ooherwise. If they are God’s child, He protects them and you have to trust your training and love and God’s provision and love for them. It all really boils down to trust and faith in God. Do we have it or not? Everything else is really incidental or a distraction to pull you from what is important. Getting to the heart of your faith is the real issue. That is the meat, the crux of the matter. Faith in God dismisses fear.
We are fragile when dealt a hard hand, given lemons to suck on instead of lollipops. But we are not that fragile. Our pride can be wounded, and maybe our shells/bodies or hearts sometimes, but our wills and minds can be stronger than titanium and we can turn our situations around. Of course, we need God’s help, so wounded pride is a good thing because the only thing you need for God to help you is some humility, admitting you need help and asking for it. Then, Boom, we are transformed into steel or titanium or diamonds or whatever er the strongest stuff out there is right now. And we can easily turn those lemons into root beer (I am not a lemonade fan unless it has enough sugar to cease being called such). And we can even throw some ice cream in the and party with it. Why? Because God always helps when humbly asked to help and He is bigger than any problem we face, any injustice done to us, any shattered hope put in the wrong thing or person, and way stronger than any bully.
I seem to be unable to remove myself from my firm belief that if people saw into my heart and my reasons for what I do or say that they would instantly realize it is out of love and a genuine and honest desire for the best for the recipient. But time and time again I am humbled because I don’t realize that people can’t see my motives. Only God can do that. No one else can see your heart, see into you. They can only see as much as you expose. Those who can see past that and choose to are rare exceptions and will either accept and love you for it or reject you for it. It is their choice. And no matter how extraordinarily beneficial what you are trying to help with is, you cannot EVER make anyone do anything they don’t decide to do. You cannot push a rope. And there is a great and deep feeling of frustration and helplessness watching someone hurting because they reject your help. There is a helplessness in wanting to fix something that either cannot be fixed by you or that they don’t want fixed. It is a hopeless feeling, shakes your will up, makes your gears go from drive to park in a hurry. You cannot make a disease go away. You cannot make someone love you. You cannot make an addict not be an addict. You cannot make anyone care about anything. So many things are completely without your power to help, no matter how amazingly beautiful and sacrificial and meaningfully well intended your words or actions are. Many things are helpless, hopeless. And if that were the end of the story, that would be a really sucky story. In fact, I would hate it and give up on ever trying to help anyone (well, maybe just a reduction lol). So, what do you do when you are really good at loving and someone won’t let you love them? You do the only thing you can do, the only thing within your power to do. You pray. Your words do not ever fall on deaf ears, no matter how far away you think you are. And prayer gives the problem over to God, Who can actually help. Now that same person may be daft and reject even God’s help, but He has ways and options for love that we cannot know that person needs. Because He sees into all of us. He knows how we are cut, knows everything about us, has walked with us all our days before during and after construction. God is our only source of help and hope. And you soon realize that prayer is a superpower and the most important and active gift you can ever give to God and the other person and even yourself, because prayer releases us from the responsibility of it. It limits our responsibility to the workable doing what we can thing and giving God the rest. It is still the person’s choice always, but at least you offered it up to the greatest One to give them the best shot. And helplessness then turns to hopefulness and rest.