The Loss of Control

Very little in this life leaves you less secure than the feeling of lost control. When we feel the crazy world around us is slippery and out of balance and we can do little about it, it is easy to despair or worry or shut down or fight back, depending on your personality. And what I really love most about God my loving Savior is that He is the opposite of the world and evil and chaos. And being humble and accepting the lack of control and giving God, trusting Him, with controlling everything and taking care of it brings peace. Losing control in the world produces anxiety and hopelessness. Giving control to God produces peace and joy and hope amidst anything. Oh how beautiful is God! I take humble with Him any day of the week and look forward to seeing Him work through this humble little girl. How beautiful is our God!❤❤❤

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Changes on the Horizon

Only God knows what will happen, but I know that changes are on the horizon. I also know that God is ultimately in charge of the final events and everything else.

One change I know is that my mom will be moving into a wheelchair accessible apartment on or before a year and a half, depending on the waiting list. As soon as it is available, we will move her in and out of her manufactured home. This means several things… this will be a lot of extra work for all of us and her included in deciding how to pare down. And she will n have access to their piano but not at all hours as before, life will change. Once wheelchair bound, which is a matter of time, she will need special transportation for everything or me to shop for her. Also, my kids and I will no longer have access to her clubhouse to swim and play pool. In addition, I have to gradually prepare her current home for resale as she will need that money to live there. So, life will be quite different for all of us.

Again, only God knows how it will all play out. And who knows, maybe God will take us all Home first. No one knows but God. And I put it all in His capable hands. I am not worried. I am not concerned. I trust God. ❤

Security

Every woman, or person for that matter, wants security. It is one of those perceptions like control. They are both something which we can work to achieve, spending endless hours on planning and paperwork to verify we have it. But truth be told it can all change in a very bad day. And people I know are having very bad days a lot lately. Death, cancer, illness, car breaks down, refrigerator goes out, roof leaks, whatever it may be. All of things are reminders of the temporary-ness of the world.

In sharp contrast, when we place our security in the only Source of true, eternal security, namely Jesus Christ, we are secure. When we give Him control, He owns it and cares for us. And He is truly the only One who can. We are only as strong as our next tragedy but God has never, in all His years of creating and caring and loving, has lost one hint of power. And He has never stopped loving us. We have security in Jesus and not truly anywhere or anyone else. And I am content, peaceful, joyful and loved with that fact. It is good to know for sure. How I love Him!❤❤❤

Fighting for Control is Stupid

Ok, here me out, control freaks. I was one of y’all. I was probably amazingly good at it, compared to most. I could bend and manipulate things in my desired direction, always with the best of intentions for the common good (my basis for justification). I wanted things to work out best for those I loved. I made it happen. Boy, was I stupid. Why stupid? Because it always bombed later because (and here is the crux of the matter) I AM NOT GOD. I never will be. It is stupid to play God and stupid to believe we ever have a handle on control of anything except ourselves, and we even need His help for that.

Now, good thing for us God is loving and gives us this free will thing so we can choose for ourselves whether to be stupid or smart and come to Him for help with this life thing He gave us.

The perception of control is a construct of lies based on an enlarged ego/pride problem. So being humble and contrite is the way to break it and be smart. And being smart is always better than being stupid, even always. So stop fighting for control except of yourself and meet up with God. This is where wisdom begins. 😄❤

Charlie Woke Me

I have started exercising/walking again. And Charlie woke me up just now. Charlie the horse, that is. He is most unwelcome and has disturbed my sleep and a rather disturbed dream. Not sure which put me at odds more, but Charlie is quite painful. After a bit of liquid to counteract old Charlie, I am headed back to bed. I believe it is all owing to my very busy day tomorrow will be. I have patients to see 45 minutes away, evaluation for my kids’ homeschooling year, more patients to see an hour and a half away then a baseball game. Just thinking about all that exhausts me. And here comes bad old Charlie to kick me in my calves while sleeping poorly. Not good. And then Friday is also busy all day and then so is Saturday.

But you know who is in control of my day and my safety and my ragged car keeping running and my family’s adaptability? Yes, God is. You see, I walk with Him and stay close to Him all the time. So when I am out of strength, I just ask Him to help me more and He does. He has unlimited strength whereas I cannot do all this alone. The Holy Spirit is my super power and not so secret weapon. God is always quite literally with me. I praise Him for this! I praise God for His many blessings!

And now I will go back to sleep and sleep soundly, remembering that God is my strength and song. I need fear no overly-busy schedule. I never fear anyone or anything, for that matter. God is in control! Woo-hoo!!😄❤

Giving Up on Frustration

Today was horrible. I will not lie. My husband woke up in a really bad mood and then it got worse. Last night was no picnic. And it is all culminating on him right now. He has lived with guilt and blame and unresolved issues so long he is now literally paying for it. He is angry, moody, passive aggressive and rightfully so after a fashion because we are dealing with and paying for termite annihilation, a broken van door, and PIED while doing house renovations on the back patio and two gigs this week and one just finished from the weekend. It is a lot for any person, and such stress and punishment brings a rawness of temper. And of course I and the kids are the closest things to lash out at.

But is that really understandable and normal? Is it OK to be a jerk when paying for past and present sins you are busy denying exist? God is not One to be fooled. He sees and knows everything. You can lie to yourself so long and other people so long but God sees. He awaits that humble, contrite heart coming to Him for love and help which He freely gives. Then He wants change for your sake. Until then, I prayed for consequences. Be careful what you pray for. But I am with the Lord and ready. I am tired and am giving up on frustration. As such, I am now praying for all of it. I am being the humble one and admitting I cannot do this alone and refuse to be frustrated another day. So I give up. I have no control, perceived or otherwise. I can do nothing alone, I freely admit it. My meaning, identity, lifeblood, spiritual gifts, abilities, health, strength, oxygen, everything is completely dependent of God. So of course is every event and situation of my life. I can control nothing. I can want another person close to me to get help and repent, as it hurts everyone close to them as well as themselves, but I cannot change or soften a heart. Only God can, and He knows what it takes to soften and correct another soul He made. Of course, it is always their choice ultimately, but God knows them best and can help most if anyone can.

So, long story to say that I give up on frustration and will pray humbly and do everything I can do and give everything all over to God for His will to thrive. I want to and do decrease and Jesus Christ increases in my situation. And I will walk the path faithfully, even if God and I are the only faithful ones doing so. I will be trustworthy even if no one else is. I will be kind and encouraging even if everyone is mean and selfish around me. No matter, I give up frustration. I give it to God. And praise God for being strong enough to take it and work corrections and who knows, maybe miracles. ❤