Explorations on Sadness

Many things have happened in my life and my response is generally optimistic and hopeful, figuring out what to do, getting things done, charging ahead, always full throttle. My pulse has slowed of late and there is a different drum beat to dance to. I have this new thing in my life called sadness. I am not sure if it is from my daddy’s downward spiral with dementia, fading away or family life and changes or something I ate or some new hormones taking over my body, but I am not liking this new talent I have to cry at the drop of a hat. Never been a cryer really. However of late, I am some sort of master at it. I am changed in this regard. It is foreign territory to me. I, who can always find the funny, search out the stupid, love the enjoyable, invent it good am now in the position where I see the hurt in people’s eyes. I see their pain they are hiding behind the laugh. I feel their sorrow in their encouragement. And I experience it with them. And it hurts. Of course, my eyes are very clean these days, which is a plus. They probably needed that. However, they are  clean now so this can stop anytime. An additional side effect is a stronger desire to hold my children, hug them, laugh with them, really focus on them. So maybe even sadness can have its productive uses. Nonetheless, I am understanding more the crippling pain a lot of my friends contend with of depression. It would probably be very much like what I have been going through only stuck there longer term, emotions just doing their thing and you’re left to figure it all out or be a victim of it. I’ve no intention of being stuck here because I feel there would be this hopelessness that would seep in and steal away joy and peace. So, here is what I will try. And I will see it if helps. I will focus on the hope. The great hope of God and heaven and so on AND little hopes of happy days in the sun, cool drinks, warm friends and will drive, even if the terrain has changed. It is still my boat and I will own it and make use of it. Have to.

Explorations Into Loss

My strong Dad has lost most of his strength, a result of a few strokes affecting the left hemisphere of his brain. So, his right side is weak and his left side is none to strong as it is. However, through this immense loss of function and mobility, a peculiar thing happens. There are moments of normal. Not strength in terms of physical prowess but of Spirit. Dementia is increased with this last stroke, yes. But my Dad still knows me and still knows our Lord and still communicates that he will be in heaven someday. There are few words he can say at times but other times speaks rather clearly. So, there is loss trying to happen but there is will and Spirit that keep the body alive and going. You see, there is physical strength which the world loves to flaunt. This is all good and well but the will and Spirit are stronger and do not receive the credit they deserve. So, it is really a matter of what exactly you are losing when you feel you have lost something. The outer shell may be damaged but you won’t lose it all until your will has either lost hope or found it elsewhere. Let’s say that again. The outer shell may be damaged but all is not lost until your will has either lost all hope or found hope elsewhere! It it important that in the eyes of God, our Maker who designed you, that loss is not ever to be measured on the world’s scale. The enemy has temporary custody of the world and it hates God like the enemy hates God. So, the world will see the brokenness (especially the physically broken) as weakness and meaningless or refuse. However, God our Maker insists that we were created exactly as we are for His good will and plan and that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. There is not more to the story. This is truth because God is truth! So, when you see brokenness and loss, God sees precious potential. When loss shows up, God either gives us more grace to handle it or strength in another area to counter it. That is it. While you are on this Earth, you have purpose and when the good Lord calls you home to Paradise forever, you will be glad you used all that was left in you to honor and worship and serve Him!