Mom, the Psychologist

So my mom is a psychologist. She is very good at being one but not good at working for a boss. And that is where I get it and why I became my own boss. But I digress. Growing up with a psychologist was quite a different upbringing. Every feeling or bump in the road was made much of, analyzed, motives picked apart like an amazingly thorough and anal electronics tech. Every strange look was scrutinized and parenting skills questioned, every mistake broken down to be sure it wasn’t passive agressive behavior sneaking out. So, I believe my family was mom’s first clients, whether we wanted to be or not. I used to walk on eggshells. I used to blame her for not being able to partake in small talk. I used to just want a normal mom. And then recently I grew up and God had a sit down with me. My mom loves me, always has. And she was who God made her to be. And I really believe she did the best she could with what tools she had. And how bored would I have been with as normal mom. I am not normal, never had one desire to be. I am interesting and multifacetted because, in part, of her. I can sniff out motivations and recognize behaviors in people because of her. And where I believe psychology explains away sin too often, I value my upbringing with it to a degree. And I firmly believe God can use any upbringing for His good. ❤

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On Twelve Year Old Boys

My son is a pre-teen and I am pretty sure his hormones are in teenage full force. He is worse than I remember being at that age, maybe because I was scared to death of my father. But I am hoping it evens out soon. Roller coaster – going from crying to raging to starving to laughing within an hour, all for no reason at all. Truly, nothing is different but the hormones. So, here is to all the teen parents I once naively counseled. You are warrior poets and I am humbled in your presence for having made it through in one piece and without committing crimes. May God have mercy on our souls. (This is a slight exaggeration for your amusement. Lol) very slight. ❤

A Tale of Two Women

There were two sisters who were born only 15 months apart. Both girls were raised in a Christian home, went to Christian school and church, and had parents that prayed with them at mealtimes and bedtime and had a hard-working father and mother who was a housewife. Both girls were taught the same, brought up with the same morals. Despite these commonalities, there were some differences. The greatest was that one daughter was favored and a bit privaleged by the residing parent and the other girl had to do all the work. Regardless, the girls ended up quite different. And it is opposite what most people think of. The privaleged, favored child did not appreciate being treated so well. She did not grow up happy at her better treatment. No. She ended up jealous and spoiled. The girl who was treated to all the work appreciated life more, loved nature, felt confident that she could take care of herself (because of her experience doing so) and yhis girl was happy. 

So, my point is that spoiling your kid is not beneficial. Neglecting is not good either but there must be a proper work load on your kid to give them self-confidence and enjoyment of accomplishment that only comes from doing something. One learns nothing from doing nothing, but one learns something from doing something.❤

Teenage Struggle/I am Bible

As tears flow generously down the afore stained cheek, he mourns.

For loss of complete family and years of criticism, he breaks.

For neglect and demands and no free space, he wishes more.

While seeking meaning and purpose, he is scoffed.

In deep hormonal imbalance of teen season, he is insecure.

For him, I write love. I write courage. I write understanding. I write meaning. I write purpose. I write eternal security. I write truth. I am his Bible.❤

Parental Mis-Perceptions

Hello. I am Coach Tonya now for our homeschool PE class. I coach 2nd and 3rd graders. They needed coaches and I had done it before, two years ago and loved it so volunteered. And I have already witnessed several mis-perceptions of parents. One was my own. I thought my daughter would not do well in sports because she prefers dolls and pretty pink things, and I was quite wrong. She is great and having and great time! Happy to be wrong. Another happened today when a parent dropped off the child and declared to the class that he was “shy”, to which he responded by acting shy (synonym of “fearful” to me in this context). The minute she was gone, I proceed treating him as if he was a bold leader (I am that way lol), and he was a great leader of the class and excelled and was outgoing. You see, people, and children much more quickly and easily, will rise to the level of the expectations of the leader/coach/parent. They will also fall to them. So always expect and declare good, positive things of your children or students. They will rise to them. Don’t carry your own limitations to them with your negative words or expectations. They are trying to learn and please and you must present positive values and expectations and words for them to aspire to. And they will. It is beautiful and exactly the way God wants and designed it to be. ❤

The Best Man I Know

The best man I know is the one who passed his Y chromosome down to me. Scientific and not romantic is the approach to this thesis, because if I lay my emotions out there, I will cry and not be logical so I am speaking from the doctor part of me. It is my rational, lab coat on side that has served me well long before obtaining a degree. But I digress. Here is why my daddy was the best man in the world (no offence other really magnificent men I have had the privilege of knowing): 1. He was loyal to his wife and family. This is beyond mere faithfulness, hard enough to come by these days, I know. But he was loyal to our family, meaning that our family unit was defended valiantly against anything coming against it. He would defend us, any of us, to the death and I was completely and utterly safe within his care. He knew his strength and ability beyond any hesitation, and he was a boxing instructor and drill instructor in the Marines and a strong fatmer and an excellent marksman to boot, so he really could defend us and would successfully, I never ever doubted that. Since safety is such a great need for a little girl, I grew up safe and secure. That is amazing to this little girl. My daddy also gave up his ex and three daughters for my mom and our family (mom required that of him, we never would have). He never looked back but probably always silently struggled with that decision but never showed that. 2. Daddy provided for us. My mom was a housewife and my sister and I went to private Christian school because he wanted to provide us the best education possible. I am certain that is why he worked so very much overtime, to provide for us. He sacrificed his free time for our education and mom being able to not work outside the home, which she absolutely did not want to do. He provided protection and paid the bills and we never wanted for anything we needed and most of what we wanted. He provided well. 3. Daddy was a strong manly Christian. That should have been first but I believe this is why he was loyal and a great provided. He loved Jesus. He taught me how to be moral and love Jesus too. He was man enough and convicted enough to drag me to church every time the doors were open. We sang together in a family quartet in churches in the area. We sang in the church choir and for church musicals my dad volunteered to be in, despite his hard work and limited time. My dad knew that some things are more important than rest and often told me he would rest in heaven. He is resting now but I bet more likely he is singing for Jesus right now with his angelic voice. 4. He was my rock. Again, because he lived Jesus, I could always count on him. All my life he would ask if I needed anything. He helped me with anything I needed ever. So here is my short list of why daddy was the best man on earth. The world was better for his having been here and I am who I am largely because of him. Thank you, daddy. See you soon in hew reaver for I think Jesus will take us home soon. Love and miss you, daddy. ❤❤❤

Walking With My Son

This morning, my son started walking with me. At 7am. For 1.4 miles minimum. Awake. And this is a huge deal because he, like me, is a night owl and not a morning person. It took having children to change me and here he is changing now. I attribute a lot to the Naval Sea Cadets he is a part of and most of it to God’s answer to my prayers to help him grow into a godly man. I believe this is a strong step toward responsibility and health and being ready to serve and I am very proud of him. And he kept up with me, who has been walking all this time! And he is bigger than me now, so I want him to be humble in spirit and teachable. Praise God for providing the overcoming of this milestone into manhood, even a tad bit early. I am so thankful!! ❤