That’s it, I am Angry and I am Praying

It takes a lot to anger me. God has worked hard to “enhance my calm” and build up my peace and joy and I have always been laid back. When I get angry, however, it is a fire, a hurricane and fire. I get angry when defenseless people are wronged or bullied, when God is disrespected, when His people are targeted and attacked, and when one of our children is lost. One of them is, it became very clear to me last night upon seeing her after 6 months of blowing us off. So now it is very obvious to me that it is a spiritual matter and there is a fight on for her soul. And this pissed me off. The enemy is attacking my family and that does not fly with me! I am mad. And I will be fighting now until this wrong is made right. I will not allow my kids to be lost and suffer an eternity long. I will fight for her in the most powerful way there is. I am going to pray. Dilligently. I will reach out in love every chance I can but I will pray. Hard. Long. Diligently. I will pray while I quilt. I will fast. I will pray for her deceived soul. Never make me angry or I will pray tirelessly. I will call on the awesome and powerful God of the universe for help. I, in all my might, can only do so much. But allmighty God can do any and everything and can conquer spiritual forces. He is my strength. 

Never Without What I Need

God provides. There have been times I have gone without sleep, without food, without a home for a little bit, without friends, single, so many things, but these slight deprivation humbled me and taught me to rely on God and I am so very thankful. But I was never without God or what I needed. Those are all things. I needed love and God always loved me. When I sincerely needed food, God always provided that. When I needed a job, I got one. When I needed transportation, God got me a great deal by the time I really needed it. When I needed a break, God granted me a run through His nature and beauty to refresh my soul. God is a wonderful provider and I regret having to go through so many hardships to realize it and humble my haughty soul. But thank God He had the grace and extreme generosity to keep giving me the opportunity to learn that same lesson. God is loving and abounding in grace and even if He is all we have, we have everything we need. God is a good good Father and I am so humbly appreciative and celebrating that fact!! God is so so very good and I live Him. ❤

Mother’s Day Finery

So, we took my Mom out to Golden Corral for lunch last Sunday. It was her idea, because it was less crowded (no line) and she likes very few people around (lol) but likes their variety of foods, and one day is as good as the next to celebrate. And she has never been practical with money (learned that from Daddy lol), but she is practical with things like this. And she is right. What is an arbitrary day to celebrate something that is a part of who I am? Yeah, I know, not a romantic notion, but I am proud of my kids, I know I carried them for 9 hard sickly months each and gave birth without meds (rah!), and they are amazing people so I must have done all right so far despite it all. They both love God, love me and are doing great in school and life. Both are artists like me and both musicians now (piano first with theory then whatever they want). One is great at baseball and basketball now and one loves dance. I feel grateful for the opportunity to be these kids’ mommy. I always wanted to be a mommy and I am so thankful God blessed me with my own children. So one day out of the year to say, “Hey, you’re a mom” is kinda weird really. I am really not all that. I do the best I can but I have screwed up a lot and try not to but probably will again some other way. I fight the same balancing blended families act so many also work on. I try to keep everyone healthy but just got over being sick as a dog for not wearing a mask while scraping popcorn off a ceiling and sanding. In trying to make my kids more n independent, I always wonder if I and ignoring them too much. I teach them laid back and calm by exemplifying that mostly at home but teach them anger by erupting when driving surrounded by “idiot drivers”. So many things I do wrong. My kids see the best and the worst of me. But there is some good there, I hope. And in the end, I pray a lot and trust God will fill in for my deficiencies. And if they want to do something nice for me, that is nice but I would rather they obey. Lol Either way, I’ll take it and keep loving them the best way I can, as my mom did for us and her mom did for them and my Daddy’s mom did for them and my amazing Aunt did for them. I really had incredible role models of motherhood. I just hope the good parts carry forward. 🙂 Happy Mommy’s Day!!!!!!!! 🙂

Teaching Children

The best teachers in a child’s life are always the parents. That is always true. We model what they will automatically replicate in their own lives. Our moral character is their moral compass and what they will do. Their tendencies arise from our tendencies mixed with their personalities. Their willingness to lie and steal and cheat will be determined in largest part by our willingness to do so. Of course, we all have a propensity to do wrong and pride is present to fight against our teachability. So there is that. But largely, we provide their role model and they will be like us, for better or worse. Just a reminder that what we do and say matters and will be seen in our children. Even crazy peers cannot change our kids without their and ultimately our permission. So be who you want them to be and if they are not, check yourself out first. This is good news because as I draw closer to God, so do they so I can lead them to greatness in love by example. Such an opportunity!!