To the Point of Objectivity

The closer you are to God, the more you consider Him in all things rather than the sources of disturbances. You remain objective and focused amidst persecution and mistreatment. Names are called and you consider the Source of Life and what He suffered for us and then objectively consider the source of cruelty. You forgive more freely, purposefully, faster. You forgive before the entire name is in the air like an arrow shot from a bow toward you. You decide to be God’s and not defend yourself, knowing He judges rightly and will handle it for you in some way in His timing, and you pray for those who don’t get the implications of that. God isn’t One to mess with. When His children are mistreated, you can bet that unless they repent, they will very much wish they hadn’t. They mistake God’s patience in wanting more people saved and giving so many chances for weakness or being far away or passive. Far from the case, God generously pours out grace, hoping He will love you into turning to Him. I digress, and return to my point. There is a vast satisfaction derived from becoming objective in the midst of incessant criticism and other spiritual attacks. We focus on God and He provides objective glasses and grace to push through it to an even stronger you. This is beautifully peaceful and joyful. Hard to explain how melodious.❤

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The Beauty of Separation

Sometimes, as has happened in my life and so many others I know of, a separation occurs. A betrayal or abandonment or broken promise. Sometimes it is in a marriage where one decides to up and leave, sometimes a close friend drops you unexpectedly like a bad habit, sometimes you are fired all of a sudden. I believe it is worse where emotional attachments and history together have accumulated. But whatever the betrayal, it is very common in our out for me kind of culture we are finding ourselves in. And when confronted with such a deep wound and heavy heartache, which you feel will literally kill you from the brokenness, you want to say or scream or cry different messages to the offender at different times. You really want to have kept things as they were or stayed in the relationship or what have you and that one-sidedness is what hurt the most maybe. It is a blatant rejection, and you question yourself and everyone and nothing makes sense anymore for a while, it was about a year for me. At a year, I reflected and learned this… there is a beauty in separation you can sometimes obtain in no other way. When someone was removed from your life, quite often God knew something that you did not, maybe about their moral character or your unhealthy over-attachment or their financial insufficiencies or your struggle with them to be who you were meant to be or what have you. There are a myriad of reasons we may not even be aware of. For instance, a man God saved me from that at the time I believed was perfect for me I later ended up finding out he had been a wife beater and cheater and dead beat dad and lived off of women. Yuck! I was young and naive and blindly in deep love but God saved me despite my protests and saved me again and then comforted me and brought me close to Himself. That would never have happened had the painful at the time separation never occurred. So my point is that God knows full well what is best for you and you can trust Him explicitely. He’s got your back. You cannot see what is in another person’s heart but God can and does. And if your heart must be broken to make something much more beautiful from it, it is well worth the pain and God comforts and gives peace and joy as He heals you. God can be trusted. Take what is dealt you where separation is the case. Often it is for your best and with God, He always makes beauty from the deepest of wounds.❤

The Hanging of Clothes

The tedious nature of hanging the clothes,

Of washing a dish,

Of cleaning the stove.

I used to dread such tedious things and wish for a break from all that.

And now, as the years passed,

I am hanging the clothes,

I love the touch

I love the labor of love

And I treasure the bodies that wear all the clothes and I’m glad.

It is the smell of the wash

The company it means

And the oft neglected clean

That makes me so glad and at peace and content.

I am washing the clothes

My loved ones wear

The more I have to wash

Proves they are there

And I am blessed in good measure by dear God allover to have so many to love.❤

When Travel Becomes Vacation Not Destination

Being an adventurous traveller most of my life since high school (and dabbling before that), travelling was the destination. Looking, searching for what different areas hold, what I was missing. I travelled through relationships that way too for a while but I digress. And I realized yesterday that I have arrived at my destination and all travel from now onward is done for vacations. I have found what I have searched for. It was not a physical location. It was not a person. It was a closeness to and healing from God. And I am complete and have arrived. I am content and incredibly happy. I am secure. In God first and then myself and my husband. There is now a fulfillment in the present, a new dawning of peace and calm and a bliss. I know this little girl is complete, no matter what happens to me. And I know my destination is heaven, far better than any place here, which must be incredible. God loves me with a sweet enduring unchanging love and fills and healed my brokenness. All the travel was searching for what He gave me as fast as He could without further damage. What an incredible God we have, so worthy of our everything. Now, I am absolutely brimming with Love and love is my home now.❤❤❤

Wrestling Tides

A futile endeavor is the wrestling of tides.

I gain the upper hand just to lose it again.

It pushes and pulls me and draws me deep.

This is life with its ebbs and flows.

This is romance with its comes and goes.

And it exhausts and you arrive on the beach

Drained of energy, soaked through with stress sweat.

And I watch this in others, remembering the game once played,

Thr wrestling of tides I once did too,

Now so glad God granted me favor and closeness with Him

So now I am above the waters, looking on.

I am no longer in the water, now in the heavenlies.

I rise above the tide and wrestle it no more.

Why more do not decide this, I know not,

But I am grateful for the renewed energy.

I thank God.❤

Flashback with a Side of Peace

Today at church, for some reason, my mind flashed back to my Daddy’s last moments on this earth before he went off to play and sing in heaven. That day is etched into my heart and I feel everything, smell everything, remember everything. I arrived and he had started heavy breathing. No pain. I sat on his bed and kissed him and said I loved him and hug Jesus for me and ran my fingers through his hair and sang “Jesus Loves Me”. I kept repeating the same song because honestly I could not remember another lyric. It was the only song I could think of. And I sang it for about 20 minutes and he had such a relaxed look to him and then stopped breathing. And once I knew he was not there anymore, I cried for about a year. But I look back now that I can with just tears and not crippling depression, and I see God’s peace and blessing there. So many things in my life I did wrong but that moment, I did right. It was a beautiful, meaningful moment. I, who loved him most in this world, loving him out, just us. Just daddy and me, what I had always wanted. God gave me that. Thank you, God. Please hug him for me. ❤

CEU Days

So, I am up for renewal of my Audiology license and every other year am forced with a smile to do 30 CEUs  (continuing education units).  I can only do 10 hours as day, so am forced to do them as such over a 3 day span to knock them out. It costs a heap of money and is intrusive but I understand why they exist… to make someone money and be a pain in the neck. But I also learn a tad bit. Being a doctor for 15 years, I know a little bit about my profession. I don’t know everything so it is a wee good in a skantish way. But anyway, I am plugging along, getting my first 10 finished and reported today. Two more days of this nonsense to go. Yippee. But as a bonus break because God loves me, we had an extra band practice tonight! Highlight of my study day for sure. We have the best band we have ever had and we are a great, positive family having a whole heap of fun and making the most amazing music together! It is a blessing and and half and I believe God put us together. No doubt in my mind. Thank you, God!❤