At band practice tonight, I was joking around with a new girl and heard the bandleader say we would do the verse and chorus. Well, we were playing and those of us on this side played the verse and the chorus but on the other side of the stage (where my husband was) they played something else and without thinking I yelled over, “He said the verse and chorus so I was right.” Well, that was the wrong thing to say, especially while still laughing about something else that was said. So my husband felt disrespected and was fuming the rest of the night and went to bed early mad. So here is a confession of insensitivity to publicly say I was wrong and to show how even people who mean well make mistakes when they blurt things out without thinking. Case in point, we brought a friend to church who does not go with his parents and while there the preacher’s kid teased him and name called about his size. Needless to say, she probably thought she was funny but she totally alienated our friend to church and maybe more. The things we say, especially when joking or sleepy or off guard, well they count. They matter and people can get wounded by them. So, honey, I am very sorry for my rudeness and insensitivity. Please forgive me. And God, please help me with keeping my mouth closed.
God blessed me with an enormous heart capable of great love and this indomitable spirit that has been tested many many times but has gotten stronger, all by God’s grace. But I still screw up. I blow it completely. I say the wrong thing, am way too transparent (because I wish everyone else would be), say too much when I should leave it alone, will fight for those I love dearly, even if they don’t want me too and I love people with extraordinary and difficult lives because I relate and understand. I come on too strong sometimes. So, my screwing up capabilities are enormous and very very real and present. But underneath, I have a heart of solid gold and intentions to love and uplift and help and heal because God loves me and fills my heart up so big. So I am sorry when I screw up. I never mean to, it is never intentional. But there it is. I am a firm believer that God sees and knows my heart, everyone’s in fact. And I am so very thankful for that. I keep trying to do better with people.