I had to get over things not going the way I had planned it in my head and even heart. Here is the thing: I have my way and God has His way and He knows infinitely more than I do.
So, my husband’s quote is “But where are your feet now?” Meaning, you had all these plans, but we are here right now somehow. Stop blaming so and so for screwing it up. Where are your feet now?
Do what you can where you are. Accept that God wants you to be here now for a reason and loves you. Then accept again and forgive again and do what you can where you are. Maybe the other lights burned out in your area and you are it. You are the only light of truth and love and hope where you are. Maybe you are growing to be a better light. Maybe you rebelled and turned around to start again.
No matter, you are here now and you must be here now. Stop wasting time. It is very valuable now, more than ever.😄❤
Ok, I just stayed up way too late watching an old war movie called Kelly’s Heroes with my husband. I have been desperate for a movie and this presented itself. I will regret it through a sleepy PE class tomorrow.
Watching it, however, brought several thoughts to mind:
1. Keeping your eye on the prize. People without hope muster hope, strength and resolve when they focus on a great reward ahead. We also should focus on the many rich and eternal blessings inherent with drawing close in relationship to God.
2. People are often motivated more by bad than good. It is a reality. Children and people are often bribed to shut them up and sway their opinion. This is a sad reality and must be noted.
3. People’s motivation is often misinterpreted when they do something good. Again, a sad reality but so often true. God looks at the heart above all else, though. He does not get fooled ever. Something to keep in mind.
4. Older movies assumed people were intelligent and today’s seem to infer the opposite. I thought this unfair but very cool about movies of old.
5. People will surprise you. Always. Sometimes for worse but sometimes for better. People have free will and can choose good or evil. But they can choose good so we shouldn’t give up on them.
Anyway, sure there are others but I need to sleep now. Love you.😄❤
Ok, so in my younger days, ahem, God had to whack me in the head to get my attention and teach me lessons I desperately needed to learn to be useful in His kingdom and even right now in this place with these people. I was largely on my own in many ways and was grossly independent with an annoying kind of false humility (which is based on an enormous pride) and I needed training tempered with love (most often) to get my hard-headed attention. I desperately needed to be humbled and alone with God. It is funny thr clarity that comes with decades of maturing, mildewing and contemplation.
The hardest lessons ever were always the same lesson: I am little but loved and God is great, solely worthy of worship, and the only One trustworthy who loves me unconditionally.
It seems a simple lesson. I was not simple. I knew enough to be dangerous but not wise, highly intelligent and over-thinking everything but with an arrogance I am almost embarrassed by now. God has always been about simple presentation of that lesson. And He has always been about a relationship with me, amazingly, and is big enough to have that with everyone who accepts Jesus as their Savior.😄❤
Most everyone close to me has a birthday in October. There are a few in other months, but everyone under my roof (other than me) entered this world in October. My sister, friends and about a hundred other people who wanted our potential party venues (lol).
So now, October stretches and has quite nearly closed its eyes for yet another year. It rears it’s head and declared all are a year older and rests peacefully another year. She rests her head blissfully unaware of how she forced me to work tirelessly between her awakening and sleeping.
But through it all, I praise God for seeing me and you through another October and I am so very thankful for His blessing through the month and year up to now. I long to go home but He is blessing me and even freshly blessed by a friend encouraging and praying with me today. So, sleep, dear October, and praise God!!😄❤
So, we have a living, loving God, THE living, loving God as our Father. There are expectations there to act like it but mostly to stay close in relationship to our loving, living God. Then, we have to reflect our living, loving God to other people. We need to be alive with people, alongside them and love them by helping where we can and expecting nothing back. This is how we bring God glory and show His magnificence to people.😄❤❤❤
I am stepping out soon to go with some lady friends to the Fancy Flea, a flea market annual event in Plant City. This is stepping put of my comfort zone by socializing with women (I get along better with guys in general), leaving the kids at home (I always have them) and shopping (which I hate- no, detest). Why? Because I was asked by a friend and am seeing the need to be more sacrificial in my friendships. I have used the mostly valid excuse that my husband wants or needs me home, I have to take care of the kids, have to walk the dog, have a hundred things to do to maintain the house and garden, need to stay home and teach, run the kids all over, etc. I have done little to nothing with my friends. I want to have them to dinner, go places, have tea parties, but my husband hates company and I have made allowances for that since day 1. I guess my inner hostess is pushing up through all this submission, perhaps my pride has not all been conquered or perhaps the length of the unfairness has erupted my anger, I am not certain, or perhaps my desire to go home being ignored and cast aside for so long is infuriating my inner rebel.
All these culminate to allow me to go shopping with friends soon without children. We will see what happens but it is my first outing with girlfriends in years. And maybe I don’t need to go and shouldn’t, but maybe this small rebellion will keep me from going nuts with homesickness. I miss my family desperately. And when I have felt like this in my life, I make a way to visit. My hands feel tied and I am, inside myself, starting to wriggle. So I will be praying over this. I really don’t want my inner desires to ever take over my commitment to God and faithfulness to humbleness. I do want God to be first always and His will for me to be bigger than any will of my own. And that is what I need to focus on.
Sorry for rambling and this stream of consciousness, but I figured out my desire to go shopping (which I detest) with the girls and why I am conflicted about it. It is way deeper than I imagined. And thinking it through has helped me see why I may not go but why I may instead get out in nature alone and pray for greater endurance and humbleness. I don’t spend a dime (that I am short on adter 3 birthdays this month) doing this and will be better for it. I will get precious time alone in nature with God.
I have changed my plans for the best. Praise God!😄❤
To a significantly great extent, we are given the ability to choose to remember or forget. Now I realize that traumatic events take a great deal of time and forgiveness more than time to get to that place, but it is possible. I am proof of that. I remember what went down, but no longer remember smells or details or pain or sounds and yells. I chose to forgive long ago and more recently asked to forget and God granted me that to the extent a human mind can. We have to remember some or it may be repeated or help someone else somehow. Also, it becomes a beautifully remade scar filled with God’s diamond dust healing to give Him glory for healing us from it and making us prettier and humble.
But I really went down a rabbit hole there because I want us to all start practicing the remembrance of good things. In fact, I suggest we get a notebook or memo app and write down who and what kindness was done to us in our day. Thr smallest thing, the biggest thing. We can choose to remember. And then we can, at the end of the day, week, month, whatever, look at them and smile and thank God for those blessings. It may encourage you. You may see patterns. You may appreciate more. You may whine less. You may share the idea with someone else who seems down a lot. It may help them. Old fashioned people call that counting our blessings, but make that fresh and call it “choosing good” or “good things to remember” or something. Maybe post some good thing to lift someone’s face to God for a minute. Maybe change the world one good thing at a time.😄❤