Benefits of Being Married Long Term to an Addict

Many people believe there is only negative in being married to an addict (it does not matter the addiction of choice- they all look the same ugly in a spouse and are all rooted in false beliefs, lies, sin and pride). There are many advantages and blessings. Some are the following:

1. Being humbled every day allows a contrite heart to flourish. It is next to impossible to feel like the center of anyone’s life or attention who already has their addiction as the center. Yes, the downside is that often even God and obedience comes after the addiction, but I am showing the positive and it is true that you cannot help but be humble when married to an addict. This helps a lot when working on contrition with the Lord. And that is a hurdle to faith most people really struggle with.

2. You depend on and trust in God only and that is very healthy spiritually. You cannot depend on the addict often but you realize quickly (because of the contrition mentioned earlier) that you can always depend on and trust in God.

3. You love truth. You realize that the addict, although in denial with lies and false beliefs, is riddled with guilt and fear all the time and lies like they breathe. This is so obvious and lies upon lies gets old. So you love truth. I read my Bible all the time, loving every word, every truth it is. You truly appreciate truth more than most do.

4. You accept and learn to be content in God. You appreciate everything good in life, really appreciate every blessing, every kind word, every word of encouragement, every friend who sticks around, every prayer where you feel God there with you. You appreciate more. You are thankful for a home with air conditioning, transportation, food, all those blessings people take for granted. You are content with unimportance. You are happy with every blessing and know full well that God is enough every day, every time, every moment.

5. You develop a thick chin. You realize that what God says about you is the truth and are thankful for it. You realize the truth is not in the accusations and put downs and anger/rages that always accompany the adddictions because of their nature and guilt and fear. You realize that God lovingly made you and sleep alone for years or not, you are beautiful inside, God lovingly made and gifted you. You are incredibly beautiful because God’s glory shines through you. So beautiful!

6. Forgiveness comes easily. You have to forgive so much and are humbled and contrite that forgiveness comes super easily. You have to forgive to survive. You forgive because you love. And you forgive because God forgave you and you want to be forgiven and have your prayers answered.

7. Greater faith in God. You rely on God for every encouragement, every good thing, every solution to every abuse, every emotional anything, healing when stress is getting to you, every comfort when lonely, everything. This is invaluable in a walk with the Lord and makes us closer. And heaven will be so much more beautiful!

8. You show them God’s true love. When you stay with an addict, you have the chance to show them love. In fact, the act of staying married to the addict is the strongest show of love along with the forgiveness. Love is patient, kind, self-sacrificing, humble, real, truthful, joyful, peaceful, faithful (even if they are not), etc. We are responsible for how we love. And love is purely beautiful.

9. You are in obedience to God. God hates divorce and if it can possibly be avoided, it should be. There are many blessings and rewards for obedience to God.

I hope you understand better the blessings involved in being and staying married long term to an addict. No one is perfect except Jesus. Staying married is your choice I would say largely because of these blessings and love. And God’s love is the greatest force I know.❤

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The Gift of Forgiveness

Forgiving someone who has wronged you, from the past or immediately, is an immense trifold gift. It is a gift to God who made you both. It is a gift to the person, even if they are not sorry or don’t realize it or care. (That is the one gift most people don’t want to give for they don’t often deserve it in their eyes, but remember that forgiveness is based on mercy which can only be given when undeserved and in addition is the basis of how we will be forgiven.) And the third gift is to yourself. Forgiveness is freeing and releases you from anger and bitterness, even stagnation and depression. So forgive someone today and give three gifts at a time. You benefit from each of these gifts and God’s kingdom does also. It is a win- win- win. And if you forgive one person everyday, soon you will clean that space in your brain up in no time and enlarge room for more joy and peace to reside.❤

Praying Over our Kids

Do not hesitate to pray over your kids. In fact, loving prayer is never a bad idea. Yesterday, my teenage son was hormonal and angry, being passive aggressive to my daughter and I, just not himself at all. I know he has some unforgiveness which shows up when hungry, tired and hormonal. We all have some demon or natural bent we fight. So I went up to him gently and laid hands on him and prayed. The result was immediate. He at first pulled away but as I kept pouring truth in love and gentleness over him, he softened and anger subsided and as I asked forgiveness for those who wronged him long ago, his anger subsided. Do not hesitate to touch and pray over your children. Who else will? It holds an eternal value.❤

Refusing to Get Offended

I am not sure exactly when it happened, but after most of my life having been inundated by criticism, always at home- by parents and sister first and later husbands- I drew close and deepened my relationship with God. First, I read my Bible every chance I got. Then later my heart softened and at Ling last humility became my constant companion and I was at long last able to humble my heart to pray and kneel to my God, the Almighty. Then I started the obedience of fasting once a week and that drew me closer to God even more. And somewhere on this journey with my Lord God, He revealed to me that His is the only opinion that matters and that He loved me and made me on purpose for Himself and His kingdom. And that, my friends, when you finally grasp that and hold it in your broken heart, frees you from anyone’s criticism. You are above that level of insecurity and immaturity and distraction and certainly those lies. And you realize that God’s encouragement and blessings far far outweigh any pathetic attempt to put you down. God is way bigger (to entirely understate the magnitude of that) than any evil coming against your soul for the Holy Spirit lives there now. So, I refuse to get offended now. My pride is not puffed up and I know the truth about God and the secret that He is in charge. What people say about or to me is discarded the second it does not line up with God’s Word about me. And I genuinely forgive them instantly, feel sorry for them not understanding that God loves them too, and then praying for them to get it. And here is my secret. You are welcome.😄❤

Eternity Time Perspective

It takes some people a lifetime to forgive themselves, much less other people. In stark contrast, it takes Jesus one second to forgive us when we humbly ask Him to. Us forever, Jesus one second. And even better than that, Jesus forgets it entirely. How cool is that?!?!❤

Consequences Abound, As Does Forgiveness

The enemy, either within or without, whispers lies upon lies and pushes the notion into our heads that forgiveness hurts or is difficult while not forgiving is much more painful than that. Forgiving actually frees us. We are free when we forgive, especially when we forgive ourselves. How can this be? It is because forgiveness is a result of obedience to God and a full disclosure of truth (also God) and both of these set us free and heal completely. We are not animals that need to be punished, we are precious children of God 2ho need to forgive and be forgiven. Sin has its own consequences and repentance after forgiveness is the key to God’s sin eraser in thr heavenly realm. Consequences of sin need not imprison any of us, regardless of what we have done and truth/confession and forgiveness/repentance are they key to that. True confession and obedient forgiveness and repentance are not suggestions but requirements for grace of eternal forgiveness from God. He knows this will heal us and He really wants us all healthy and in relationship with Himself because He loves us so much. Give it up and let it go. It is time. ❤

Never Forget the Bad

The wounds you bore, the mistakes you made, the pain you survived, every tear cried, never forget. But remember for the right reasons. Remember that the enemy and bad choices made all those things but God has healed them all or is in the process of it as soon as you humbly ask Him to. Remember where you have been in order to bring glory to God for getting you through and saving your soul for eternity from such devastation. Never forget what God has brought you through. Forget to glorify God and forgive it all, even yourself, and then deny these things power over your present, learning that God’s salvation and life is far greater for you and for eternity. I am proud of where I have been because praise God He got me through them wiser and humbler. Our history needs to be reflected on sometimes not to go back or grow bitter but to forgive and realize what God brought us through and never to go back to it. Forgetting or drowning the past in distractions or drugs/addictions of choice prevent the full lesson. Sometimes greater than the pain of that time is the longer drawn out pain of remaining there and not allowing God to heal you and complete the leason. People believe the lie that it will hurt more but the truth is that God frees completely. ❤