Starting to Remember

Many years of my life are hard for me to remember. I believe the psychologists of the day (yes, I had to study psychology while working toward my doctorate in the science of audiology) would say that I repressed or blocked memories too difficult to remember during times of extreme stress. And stress, I am afraid, has been a constant companion of mine much of my life. It is a wonder I am alive really, seeing how they are blaming stress for every illness known to man. Anywho, as God has healed my deep depression relatively recently, He is bringing back the memories I had forgotten in order for me to know the truth and forgive to free me. This process is surprising and beautiful. He reminds me of this good memory or this hurtful one to forgive or this one of me bad I have to ask forgiveness for, etc. And He is bringing them to me in bits I can handle calmly and remaining in peace and joy. And He is through this process drawing me closer to His presence. It is peaceful, joyful, beautiful, even the bad stuff. I am not bragging, I am observing and showing you what can happen if you pray all the time, fast, throw away all social media and addictions/distractions, and read your Bible. Draw close to God and really humbly pull toward Him and He rewards you with what you want… closeness to Him. And it is making me incredibly homesick for my best friend, friends and family. But I know God will comfort me until I can see them. Oh how I love and trust Him. Not really anyone else, but Jesus is my blessed Champion and Lord and oh how I love Him!❤

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A Forgiveness Note

To Whom It May Concern,

Hello. It has been a really long time since we spoke. I want you to know something, for my part. I am very sincerely sorry for every distress I caused you. And I fully forgive any distress you caused me. At the time, I did not understand why you willfully bestowed such intense pain on me. I did not understand the lies and betrayal and traumatic pain. But now I realize fully that God designed that to humble me and bring me to trust deeper and more fully in Him. God is my anchor. He is magnificent. And the pain from you I forgive fully and thank you for causing it. I have never learned so much in such a short period of time. And although it was so very long ago, I needed to write these words and release you of any guilt or pain or sin against me. I forgive you freely and happily and with love. And I encourage you to draw close to God and cling to Him for safety and security. Trust God only. He never let’s us down.

With Sincerity and Love,

Tonya😄❤

I Write Forgiveness

I write the word with a gleem in my eye

I write the word my heart just cried

I stand and cheer for surrender of wrongs

I hold no ill will though the wrongs seemed long.

I write the word that frees my heart

And draws me close to Jesus’ heart.

I write the world that sets me free 

And allows God to forgive me.

I write “forgiveness”.

Then forgiveness rewrites me.❤

Woe to the Person Who Makes Us Cry

Woe to the person who makes us cry

For they will cry in the end

Woe to the person who hurts our soul

It one day will never hurt again

But theirs will be scorched with brimstone fire

And forgiveness will be asked too late

So I puty those who make us cry

And forgive them and beg they repent.❤

Forgiving Someone Mean

Ok, so when we are followers of God, saved by Jesus Christ’s sacrifice, we are forgiven of our sins each and every time we humbly ask. This is because any sin in God’s eyes is the same. There is no big or little sin. Sin is sin, all is missing the mark, doing wrong, guilty, from the tiniest lie or laziness to murder and everything between. Sin is sin because God is holy. We are forgiven and made pure and sinless by humbly asking for it because of the perfect sacrifice Jesus was for us to have this right. So forgiveness is our gift, making us right with God and assured of heaven and being with God now and eternally. So here is the rub. We have been forgiven SO we are told that we will be forgiven AS WE FORGIVE others, even mean people, even people who ripped our hearts out, even people who are still mean, even people who are not the least sorry, even people who drive 10 miles under the speed limit and make us late, even people who hate us or slander us. And the extent to which we are forgiven is the extent to which we forgive. So I want to be forgiven fully. I want to stay close to God, the Life Giver, the Love. So I freely forgive every mean person who has hurt me. I forgive freely every pain received from another, every hateful or critical word, every callous person, every crime against me, then initiator of every broken heart. I forgive truly because I deserve to be released from their presence in my mind and I want to be forgiven. I forgive. And I beg forgiveness to anyone I have wronged. And that is how it works. There is a release and peace that comes. Good time to do that before Christmas. And you have to keep doting it because people continue to before mean and selfish and that is how it is. God will help too because He loves you and knows how good it is for you.❤

Rebuilding Bridges

I am not one for burning bridges on purpose. There have been bridges burned unintentionally by ignorance or lack of communication, however, and I am sorry for those and have forgiven myself and worked harder at not doing so again. There have been plenty of bridges burned by others and I have long since forgiven them, of course (forgiveness is an offering to God). And there have been plenty of bridges I have rebuilt. It seems in life that God has blessed me with restoring these bridges of connection  to people I did not like much the first go round and He calls me to rebuild the bridge I would rather have walked away from and it became a beautiful thing. And here is the thing. We are all God’s children and every good Father (as God is the best) wants His children to love each other and get along and work well together. All have something beautiful or seemingly uneventful to bring to the household and together, God sees the possibility of immense greatness of His beautiful glory shining brightly through and from it. When people do right and maintain or rebuild connection, nothing on earth compares to it. Rebuild a bridge in your life today. It is worth the effort. ❤

Motivation to Forgive

Because of my deep respect for God and His Word, it is a very strong motivation to me to forgive everyone because of one thing God said. He said we will be forgiven AS WE FORGIVE OTHERS. So if I don’t forgive people, I will not be forgiven. It is my choice, you see. It is yours as well. I can choose to be forgiven for my sins/wrongs/mistakes by humbling myself enough to forgive people who have hurt me. I have to choose to forgive them even if they are not sorry, have not asked forgiveness, are still jerks, are still hurting me. (I don’t have to stay there and be abused but I have to forgive.)  And I have to forgive myself too. And that is a tough teaching for a ton of people because it requires us to lay down our pride, our rights, fairness, hatred, grudges, lots of things. It has to be a conscientious decision. It is. Forgiveness brings healing, freedom, lifts burdens off, yields peace, promotes joy, on and on. God always makes it worth the obedience when He asks us to do something. Always. Praise God. ❤