If you wait ’til they deserve it or ask forgiveness, that robs you of precious time you could be full of peace and joy and it robs God of your full service and worship. It is also selfish and prideful to withhold forgiveness for it shows God you are not thankful for His gift of forgiveness grace. Forgive now. Right now. If you don’t feel you can, do it anyway and ask God for help as you do. This shows humbleness to God and obedience which He always honors. And He forgives us lavishly ONLY as we forgive others. Stop living in the painful past of wrongs done against us. Be grateful to God for all the blessings you may not have attended to by your unforgiveness and forgive now and live a beautiful life right now. Let it go. Stop trying to control something evil and keep sinning by not forgiving. Forgive now. It will make your life soooooo much sweeter and free. God will help as soon as you decide to do it and ask Him for help. Join the peace and joy life God intended. His grace is sufficient for all your needs.😄❤❤❤
One big thing about living with an addict, whether you are married to one or there is one or more in your family, you become a forgiveness expert. Now, this isn’t automatic. It took me a while to
1. be humble enough to admit that I was not perfect (when you see someone every day in addiction(s), you tend to compare and feel pretty holy and it takes maturity of humility to admit to not being perfect and thus forgiving. (It helped me a lot with this when a pastor said “Our comparison should never be against other people who are also flawed but against Jesus who is perfect, then we see the need for His grace”) and
2. Be mature enough to know that God will forgive my sins as I forgive those who sin against me and
3. Trust God enough to have control of the situation and yield my control of it,
4. Find comfort and strength in a strong relationship with God, and lastly
5. Realize that forgiveness does not mean enabling as long as they know where we stand and we maintain healthy boundaries (forgiveness is the earthly manifestation of grace which frees rather than enables – they carry obscene amounts of guilt continually and this frees them of more).
All these things needed to be in place for forgiveness to come easy to me. When you decide to stay with the addict, you decide to purposely stay with someone who has chosen to feed their own selfishness and narcissism based on lies and escapism over any real love for you. They decide to be Willoughby from Sense and Sensibility. They do love you in their way “but not enough” because of this sin sickness, this self-inflicted denial and escapism (escaping from pain or discomfort or trauma and God). It is humbling and to survive relying on God is paramount to success.
Know that it is always God’s desire to draw everyone close to Himself and so He rewards those who stay with those running from Him and who keep showing His love. He wants them back and appreciated you standing in the gap through prayer, Bible study and loving example of grace and forgiveness.
So we have the extra blessing of opportunities to forgive. As such, we are in a very good position to be rewarded richly by God and also to be able to help other people in the same position or less experienced at it. Anyway, God bless us, everyone. Much love to you on your journey. 😄❤
Our sins are thrown by our Heavenly Father into the sea of wilful forgetfulness as soon as we humbly ask Him to. This is the depth of the love of our loving God and thr power of Jesus’ sacrifice and His power to forget as well as forgive. And oh what a relief that is to be truly forgiven completely. Pure. Clean. It is gone. If you bring it up, that is the enemy or your own unforgiveness of yourself. How dare you feign higher standards than God. How dare you call a sin unforgiven that God has forgiven and forgotten! Do not play the enemy’s game that way. ❤
Hard to do, forget. Not sure we always should as it warns not to do things that way again. So probably for the best, but sometimes we can forget a while and choose to decide not to remember. We can actively push it away until it becomes automatic. Of course there are triggers but we can choose to keep obsessing over it or send it packing. We choose this. Emotional people have more trouble getting to their choice through their emotion but the choice is there somewhere… dig til ya find it.
But today, I realized that I have finally forgiven a person and all persons involved in a past incident in my life. I am 100% at peace with it all, with them all. And the funny thing is that I really thought I was there already a couple of times before. I was not. I had said the words, thought the right thoughts but too much thinking about it remained, a desire to see what happened next, a will to know, a want to understand, a wish to see. Ever so faint but present nonetheless. And today, watching the grandbaby, seeing my kids in our home, hearing my husband practice guitar, thanking God for the blessings of my life, I thought nothing of this past experience. It would have been a passing caveat, a slight distraction of thought now and again, moreso after contemplation. My mind was finally quiet on the matter. Later, still quiet.
God works in different paces for different depths of pain. But if you keep humble and remain praying, especially if you can fast also, read your Bible, do what you know you should, don’t do what you shouldn’t, draw close to God, He will get you where you want to go in His timing and for your good.
All that being said, I am more ready today than ever for whatever God wants me to do. I am beyond the distraction. I am fully His. And my outlook is more His than it has ever been. And I praise God for doing what I could not do alone, as He has so many times. I owe Him everything and it is all His. I am so thankful. Praise God!!😄❤❤❤
What is seriously odd about an addict is that they are the only one around them that realizes/ admits they have an addiction. Everyone around them already knows and either is playing along or gives them hell about it or anything in between. For instance, porn addicts leave trails of debris in their histories or how many visits on the cloud or Internet. Also, PIED is a pretty obvious indicator. And who really plays games that much, yes you are not fooling anyone but you. We are actually intelligent- surprise! Everyone knows. This is just one example.
Addicts think they are so smart because they have made a career or lying about it and covering for so long. It is obvious to those of us who have recovered from delusions and are reading truth/thr Bible every day. Does that make us better? Uh, no. We are not delusional. Just makes us aware. I believe people should realize that they are making a choice. Everyone knows. There is no secret or fantasy world that is successful to hide in. Just know that it is a choice to continue in an addiction and help is available all over the place, first in truth and then a million other places nowadays. Getting help is a choice. Hope is there always, the starting point to freedom is admitting what everyone else close to you already knows. No one is fooled. Time to admit it and stop the lie cycle. Hope is everywhere. Just say what we all know and seek truth and help. Those you love want you to get help and be free from that bondage. We already forgave you or would be gone. Forgiveness is prevalent with us and with God, and forgiving yourself is next to freedom. How amazing freedom is. Hope is there. Hope is everywhere.❤
Many people believe there is only negative in being married to an addict (it does not matter the addiction of choice- they all look the same ugly in a spouse and are all rooted in false beliefs, lies, sin and pride). There are many advantages and blessings. Some are the following:
1. Being humbled every day allows a contrite heart to flourish. It is next to impossible to feel like the center of anyone’s life or attention who already has their addiction as the center. Yes, the downside is that often even God and obedience comes after the addiction, but I am showing the positive and it is true that you cannot help but be humble when married to an addict. This helps a lot when working on contrition with the Lord. And that is a hurdle to faith most people really struggle with.
2. You depend on and trust in God only and that is very healthy spiritually. You cannot depend on the addict often but you realize quickly (because of the contrition mentioned earlier) that you can always depend on and trust in God.
3. You love truth. You realize that the addict, although in denial with lies and false beliefs, is riddled with guilt and fear all the time and lies like they breathe. This is so obvious and lies upon lies gets old. So you love truth. I read my Bible all the time, loving every word, every truth it is. You truly appreciate truth more than most do.
4. You accept and learn to be content in God. You appreciate everything good in life, really appreciate every blessing, every kind word, every word of encouragement, every friend who sticks around, every prayer where you feel God there with you. You appreciate more. You are thankful for a home with air conditioning, transportation, food, all those blessings people take for granted. You are content with unimportance. You are happy with every blessing and know full well that God is enough every day, every time, every moment.
5. You develop a thick chin. You realize that what God says about you is the truth and are thankful for it. You realize the truth is not in the accusations and put downs and anger/rages that always accompany the adddictions because of their nature and guilt and fear. You realize that God lovingly made you and sleep alone for years or not, you are beautiful inside, God lovingly made and gifted you. You are incredibly beautiful because God’s glory shines through you. So beautiful!
6. Forgiveness comes easily. You have to forgive so much and are humbled and contrite that forgiveness comes super easily. You have to forgive to survive. You forgive because you love. And you forgive because God forgave you and you want to be forgiven and have your prayers answered.
7. Greater faith in God. You rely on God for every encouragement, every good thing, every solution to every abuse, every emotional anything, healing when stress is getting to you, every comfort when lonely, everything. This is invaluable in a walk with the Lord and makes us closer. And heaven will be so much more beautiful!
8. You show them God’s true love. When you stay with an addict, you have the chance to show them love. In fact, the act of staying married to the addict is the strongest show of love along with the forgiveness. Love is patient, kind, self-sacrificing, humble, real, truthful, joyful, peaceful, faithful (even if they are not), etc. We are responsible for how we love. And love is purely beautiful.
9. You are in obedience to God. God hates divorce and if it can possibly be avoided, it should be. There are many blessings and rewards for obedience to God.
I hope you understand better the blessings involved in being and staying married long term to an addict. No one is perfect except Jesus. Staying married is your choice I would say largely because of these blessings and love. And God’s love is the greatest force I know.❤
Forgiving someone who has wronged you, from the past or immediately, is an immense trifold gift. It is a gift to God who made you both. It is a gift to the person, even if they are not sorry or don’t realize it or care. (That is the one gift most people don’t want to give for they don’t often deserve it in their eyes, but remember that forgiveness is based on mercy which can only be given when undeserved and in addition is the basis of how we will be forgiven.) And the third gift is to yourself. Forgiveness is freeing and releases you from anger and bitterness, even stagnation and depression. So forgive someone today and give three gifts at a time. You benefit from each of these gifts and God’s kingdom does also. It is a win- win- win. And if you forgive one person everyday, soon you will clean that space in your brain up in no time and enlarge room for more joy and peace to reside.❤