Bandages in Recovery

Ending my addiction was a great gift of mercy and grace from God. I was blessed in my life to have loving people who prayed for me regularly and God answered their faithful prayers. I feel it is a gift every day to be in recovery.

However, it is not easy. I made tons of messes along the way while I was busy being a selfish addict- which all addicts are- and bandages have to be ready to apply all the time. God forgave me and I have recently also forgiven me. But, I made many bad choices that people are not so easy to forgive because they seriously hurt them. I have to try to heal relationships with my kids for one. I have given them years of bad parenting- I did my best and tried to love them but was a secret selfish addict and that always affects innocent children for years. Trying to do my best now is hard because I am not sure how to do all this while feeling everything. I have come a long way but have very far to go. I need a lot of bandaids ready at a moment’s notice and hope and am praying that my kids don’t take up addictions to temporarily mask their pain. They never last long and God is a much better, healing choice for true freedom.

I have to give myself grace while feeling very alone. My saving grace is having a relationship with the Lord. I trust Him and He takes care of me. I am trying to figure out how to do things. So I keep putting on bandaids and pray for God’s deep healing in their lives and mine as we keep going in recovery. Praise God! I am so thankful to be in recovery! God is so good!πŸ˜ƒβ€οΈ

The Mindset Change

My son is about to turn 14. He still amazes me at the strangest times. We were walking to Circle K for a polar pop, as usual, and we were just chatting about shallow things, like his inline skates (which he is very into right now) and birthday plans and so on. Out of nowhere, I am compelled to tell him how proud I am of who he is now. He tells me “Sorry it took me a while to get motivated. You always tried to motivate me but it had to be my choice.” Amazing insight!

So, he elaborated without one word from me and said that we had been through a lot, and he hated it at the time and was angry but now he is so thankful because he understands so much about life and saw how God was always taking care of him. And he says he is way better off than any other guys his age because he gets how addictions and being selfish and all those things affect a family and not to do them on purpose. He continued that we can either be bitter or use that information to live smarter and better. He sees how much better of a person he is when he reads his Bible and prays and wants to keep doing that all his life.

I was amazed and teared up. God is good, friend. Keep showing them and loving them and let God bring them home. Praise God!πŸ˜„β€

A Half Hour of Playing Legos Has Exponential Value

If you wanna make your kid’s day, bring home some Legos and put them together with them. Turn off the phone, ignore it’s existence and just play with b your child. Talk. Pretend. Imagine. Be. Bask n in appreciation for this memorable moment with your child. You’re welcome.πŸ˜„β€

My Son’s Journey

My son is now a few months from 14 years of age. He is voice is changing. His mood is changing. His confidence is growing, sometimes too quickly. But God be praised, his spiritual maturity is growing. I just dropped him off at 4:15 am this morning to go on a week long Honduras missions trip. They are building a church by day and holding Bible study at night. He is growing closer to God every day. We read the Bible and pray together several times a day and I lead by faith and works. He is a good boy and is unmoved by the several girls who have already noticed and are pursuing him. He wants to be true to who God made him.

I say all these things not to brag, but I want you to know that every step we take closer to God or sadly farther from Him is our own choice. He went through my painful divorce and many turbulence with new step parents on both sides and he has chosen to be God’s son and focus on God. And God rewards and blesses him, as He does so often with all of us who chose to obey. And despite some sins/ mistakes made on the journey, God is only ever a humble prayer away again. There is hope for our kids. Sure, he is homeschooled, but that us a possibility for everyone and we always have that personal choice to make regarding our spiritual maturity/walk and relationship with God.

I am fasting this week while he is gone that God’s will for all involved will be done and I know he is in God’s capable hands, right where he belongs and chooses to be. We all make that choice all the time, some knowingly and some unknowingly. Pleased be encouraged and God bless your choice and journey. Praise God!❀