Take Me Back

“There was once in our lifetime,

A time of joy, a precious dance sublime.

Now that time is in our past

And I long for precious memories of that.

Take me there to that time

When I was yours, your heart was mine.

Take me back to that day when I was yours that way.

See if we can bring back moments of splendor.

See if we can bring back hearts full beyond measure.

There was once a holiday

Where the best thing we could do was meet our gaze.

Now that time is in the past.

And I long for sweetest memories of that.

See if we can bring back moments of pleasure

See if we can bring back hearts full beyond measure.

Take me there to that time

When I was yours, your heart was mine

Take me back to that day when I was yours that way.

I was yours that way.”❤

I am singing this song tomorrow in church. I wrote it pining a lost love and revisited it after reading Revelation 2 (Rev. 2:1. “To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands. 2. I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. 4. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. 5. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.”) where Jesus tells us He longs to be our (the church’s/saved ones) first love again. And this song gained immense power to me for it is the song of Jesus’ heart toward we whom He loves so very much and longs to draw us back to Himself. That relationship is far deeper, more meaningful and eternal. It is always our choice. He is always willing and eager to love us. His arms are open, come on in.❤

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Contemplating Freedom from History Through History

Been very contemplative lately. Perhaps it is all the spring cleaning and fun (pool, park, friends over, library, etc.) Or maybe it is helping my mom with a lot of things she needs help with all of a sudden. Or maybe it was some recent bad news but for whatever reason, I have been more contentedly contemplative about my history.

There used to be people I could not shake, one in particular, no matter what I did. And fighting it seemed to make it worse. This history I had with this individual changed my life. However the symbiosis ended expediently and painfully so goodbye was aggressively toilsome and closure was an evasive flower always around the bend but never arriving.

History of this sort was my nemesis. I wanted to be angry but I am not. I wanted to scream but could not from the numbness. For years this followed me, tortured me, distracted me.

I kept praying. I began fasting weekly in September of last year and continue to this day. Always praying and talking to God about eliminating this history’s hold on me.

I realized today driving home that history is indeed history, or as much as it ever should be or can be. It is still a part of you but not a distraction from the present, not an impedence.

And that, my friend, is freedom. I am free now. It is God who gives freedom, I am convinced within myself. God is the patient giver of loving grace to free us from ourselves and make us so much better resultantly. I have this peace and joy from God I have not had for so very long and deeper than I have ever had. There is a tightness with God that I think cannot be had in any way other than His getting you through some serious hardship(s). God is so very good!❤❤❤

Why I Fast

Many people are fasting for the health benefits. That is secondary to me. I fast first and foremost as an obedient act of worship to grow closer to my Savior Jesus Christ. I listen crisper to the Holy Spirit, something I have been working on. I want to please my Heavenly Father. That is it. It is simple. And I have done a weekly fast since September 4th of last year. I never regret it. I find it beautiful and it has enriched my relationship with God. I live Him first and foremost of anything in my life. And the thought of spending more quality time with Him is exquisitely beautiful to me. He nudges me to hear Him more. I adore His glory I see around me and in me. There is love and majesty together when I consider Him. The Bible teaches and corrects me with truth, which is so sweet to me. And there are always many needs of mine and others I bring to Him for solving and He does. So my faith grows every time. This is why I fast. This is why you should also.❤

Just a Reminder About Grass

Just a friendly reminder: Grass is never greener on the other side/someone else’s yard unless it’s the weeds you are noticing. Weeds can look pretty green, even have pretty little flowers on them, and there may be playground equipment on it that looks mighty fun. But alas, upon closer inspection, weeds, only rotten weeds, and the playground is broken down, only looks fun, no substance. Nope, take care of your own grass, tend it, fertilize it, own it. When it finally dies, pave it and paint it green. Memorize this: “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” ❤

Been Thinking of a Friend of Mine AKA Relationship Choices

I consider him a close friend. Long time ago, we were as close as it is possible for two people to be and now I doubt he remembers my name. And I wonder about what changes in life to make things different.

A decision.

And only one person in a relationship has to decide the relationship is over and it is over for that person, and the other person hangs on sometimes forever, not having decided to end the relationship and still loving them, wondering what they did wrong. But alas, it is what it is, tears and all.

This lead me to feel very strongly what God goes through with us humans He lovingly created on purpose. He wants a relationship with us and He is always on board. It is us that flippantly out of the air just decide the grass is greener over there and skip out on the relationship. We drop it when it is inconvenient or doesn’t give us every wish granted for our pampered arses. And God is right there still loving us and watching for us to come back, longing for one word.

It is cruel to break off a relationship for selfish reasons but it happens And you just walk around with them in your heart all the time or wounded having ripped that part of your heart out. But with the Lord, we have until our breath is gone to humbly say the word and restore the relationship. We just never know when that last breath will be and then eternity is upon us. So we should restore that relationship with all our effort. And the beauty of that is that Jesus is very forgiving and always loving and eager to restore our relationship with Him. Thank God at least He loves me desperately. It is so nice to be loved.❤

Leave the Past in the Pasture or You’ll Step in it Again

Even if the past was fantastic beyond measure and the best time of your life and more meaningful than anything else ever, still, even then, leave the past in the pasture behind you or you’ll step in something unpleasant. You went through that time, for better or worse and it meant something significant for better or worse but it was foe a season. How do you know? You would still be there if it was meant for now. Simple. Oh, one thing I wish I could scream to the world is that life is really very simple and meant to be so. The simple things matter, what remains matters, the present matters. It is simple. If you left someone awful or magnificent in the past for any reason or if they left you, that was the answer. People never throw away or leave that which they truly love. There is your answer. Accept and embrace the pain of it and leave it there and walk on. There is more to life than memories and histories. That is part of us but we need to focus on the now. God has us where we are for a reason. It is beautiful and meaningful now. The past may have held more meaning or more happiness but just because that of now is different makes it no less important and meaningful, just different. Stay here. Own it. Be present fully. If every day were a party, there would be no party.❤

Jesus is the Sweetest Name

Some names meant something to me at one point and now are passing names. Names take on meaning in direct proportion to the dearness of the relationship. When “in love”, the name of the beloved is sweet to you. When opposed, the name of the opposition takes on a sore meaning. It is not public and varies for every person’s experience.

For me, at this point in my long life, the name of Jesus Christ is the sweetest name I know. Every other name has less meaning. I find myself just saying His name to smile and be comforted. This comes for me from a deep respect and long, historic relationship. Jesus has been the only One I trust for a long time. I have grown to depend on Him as I can with no other. I rely on Him and respect His faithfulness. Of course I find peace in His love and redemption also. Jesus Christ is the name which matters most. ❤❤❤