Feeling Blue

Today, as we had homeschool P.E. this morning and I coach and knew I in my old age would be exercising with young energetic kids for an hour and a half, used today as one of my 2 days off of walking 3.0-3.8 miles. The other is Sunday, so studying with kids keeps me focused on the Lord. But today, despite the celebration we put on for my daughter’s birthday, I fought feelings of blue. Why? And it just dawned on me as I put her to bed that I missed my intense alone time with God in the morning. I genuinely missed it. I missed Him. I wanted time with just Him. Time to just talk to and listen to Him, share life, worship, celebrate His creation, be strengthened, just be with Jesus and listen to His Holy Spirit. I was blue because I missed my Heavenly Daddy. So I am off to read His Words and talk to Him. May you do the same! Love you and wow, so does He!!❤❤❤

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A Productive Day

Today, I missed him again. It didn’t cripple me this time but brought about a strong desire to be productive and live life extra deep, with intense meaning, realizing one less person is here to love me. So, I walked a double, played and sang with greater intensity in band practice, worked a little on tying the quilt, shopped for groceries faster, trimmed more jasmine in the backyard, cooked an amazing steak and potatoes for the fam, did the dishes right away, spent more time with the kids, spoke to help and encourage two friends, showered and feel amazing. Lots of other little things, but I feel honored that God got me over the hump to reflective productivity when I miss him. I was so blessed to have him as long as I did. Was sure good to be and feel loved. Missing will always be there somewhere until heaven but it is becoming a scar tattoo of Jesus. I am growing closer to Him and He is reflecting more in me. Jesus is my hope and love. Praise God!!!❤❤❤

The Best Man I Know

The best man I know is the one who passed his Y chromosome down to me. Scientific and not romantic is the approach to this thesis, because if I lay my emotions out there, I will cry and not be logical so I am speaking from the doctor part of me. It is my rational, lab coat on side that has served me well long before obtaining a degree. But I digress. Here is why my daddy was the best man in the world (no offence other really magnificent men I have had the privilege of knowing): 1. He was loyal to his wife and family. This is beyond mere faithfulness, hard enough to come by these days, I know. But he was loyal to our family, meaning that our family unit was defended valiantly against anything coming against it. He would defend us, any of us, to the death and I was completely and utterly safe within his care. He knew his strength and ability beyond any hesitation, and he was a boxing instructor and drill instructor in the Marines and a strong fatmer and an excellent marksman to boot, so he really could defend us and would successfully, I never ever doubted that. Since safety is such a great need for a little girl, I grew up safe and secure. That is amazing to this little girl. My daddy also gave up his ex and three daughters for my mom and our family (mom required that of him, we never would have). He never looked back but probably always silently struggled with that decision but never showed that. 2. Daddy provided for us. My mom was a housewife and my sister and I went to private Christian school because he wanted to provide us the best education possible. I am certain that is why he worked so very much overtime, to provide for us. He sacrificed his free time for our education and mom being able to not work outside the home, which she absolutely did not want to do. He provided protection and paid the bills and we never wanted for anything we needed and most of what we wanted. He provided well. 3. Daddy was a strong manly Christian. That should have been first but I believe this is why he was loyal and a great provided. He loved Jesus. He taught me how to be moral and love Jesus too. He was man enough and convicted enough to drag me to church every time the doors were open. We sang together in a family quartet in churches in the area. We sang in the church choir and for church musicals my dad volunteered to be in, despite his hard work and limited time. My dad knew that some things are more important than rest and often told me he would rest in heaven. He is resting now but I bet more likely he is singing for Jesus right now with his angelic voice. 4. He was my rock. Again, because he lived Jesus, I could always count on him. All my life he would ask if I needed anything. He helped me with anything I needed ever. So here is my short list of why daddy was the best man on earth. The world was better for his having been here and I am who I am largely because of him. Thank you, daddy. See you soon in hew reaver for I think Jesus will take us home soon. Love and miss you, daddy. ❤❤❤

Many Hours at the Pool

The biggest reward for cleaning mom’s house and taking care of her, other than the satisfaction that is present, is that her clubhouse has a huge pool and other grandparents have kids that swim there. So there we stayed for hours of fun at the pool. We are a golden tan now and are exhausted but these are the memories you hang your hat on. These are new good tech-free moments with family that make you feel amazing and you remember as the good times for when things get rough. God gave us good memories there with Grandma/my mom and with her pool. Thank you, God!❤❤❤

What Brings Great Joy

I wanted to pause from my quilting and just praise God from my heart for all the joys He has placed in my life. There are way too many to mention, but I need to give Him props and thank Him for a few that stand out. All my life I wanted to be a doctor (well since I was 9), and He fulfilled that passion for me. And as a professional woman, I wondered if I would be too old to have my own kids or adopt (both are beautiful and either would have sufficed) and He answered by allowing me to carry two beautiful babies. One I look forward to seeing in heaven, she would be 22 years old, maybe with children of her own by now, who knows but she will be my Heavenly blessing, as well as my twin brother and family up there already. Therefore, Heaven to be assured of and look forward to is a great blessing! The love of my life is a major blessing. I never thought I could love anyone so deeply and fully and know so well and click with so intrinsically. I didn’t think before meeting him that soulmates was a real thing. He has blessed my life. Of course also hurt me, so every good thing has its down side. I am blessed by growing up on a farm with a Christian family who took us to the best church. Oh how I loved that farm! Only another farmer can truly get that but the hard work was replete with rewards of bird in song, glimpses of foxes at play, skies that changed all the time, deer accepting you as a friend, dogs running with you in the field, the feel of dirt and long grasses, better than any bed, swinging on ropes to the rafters in the barn off straw bales, riding on the tractors or combine with Daddy, the smell of fresh air and taste of fresh vegetables. The list goes on. My spirit was the most free there outside on the farm. Mmmm. Let me just take that one in a minute. I have been blessed being able to homeschool our kids and have a husband supportive of that. What a difference it makes to spend time with your kids!!! I am blessed each time I sit down at the piano and can play anything I want to or write original songs. (My fantasy, ideal cabin has a piano, by the way. Lol) I am also blessed to do art, see art, teach art, just express myself, write, everything that shares passions and ideas with another person is beautiful. Anyway, I could go on all night, but this partial list is what God chooses to flood my heart with joy and peace and love and calm. Some blessings are worth thinking of and revisiting for better perspective and appreciation of life and God, and some are worth waiting for. ❤

Reminiscing About Places I’ve Been

My son-in-law (a funny story, he is older than I am lol) and father of my only grandchild (also funny because she is 3 years younger than my daughter) is Polish, with dual citizenship. Long before I knew him, I had visited Poland, specifically Bielsk Padlowski, for two weeks and Belarus for one week. And I was thinking about the land and buildings but mostly the amazingly wonderful people. We sang our songs (I played the piano and keyboard there) and they sang and played songs they knew and it was wonderful! We were invited to a Polish wedding that lasted all day and into the night and I sang again by request and we ate great food, drank compote and partied with them. It was memorable, saying something with this poor memory I have lol. In Russia, I remember the older women and their wise but loving eyes, hardened by wear but bright and gleaming nonetheless. They had a love of life. I remember the sturdy children, making the most of every stick and mud puddle they could get into, smiling, strong and healthy. I remember the year before spending two weeks in London. Howe couldn’t visit Buckingham Palace because Queen Elizabeth was home there at the time. I remember the beautiful gardens and pride the people took in their tiny gardens in front of their flats (apartments) or tall, narrow townhouses. I remember paying to use the toilet and the worst toilet paper of my life. Funny the things you remember. But the garden in front of the palace, oh how beautiful! And then my mind goes to California and recording my songs in Mike’s studio. I remember the fantastic park in Glendale and hiking the trails. I remember my regular getaway in Yosemite and hiking the falls and staying at the bed and breakfast there. I remember Solvang. Wow. The mountains were beautiful and Burbank was lovely and Sunset Boulevard was trashy but the tiny studio and musicians there are top notch! I remember going to the Grand Canyon three times and how it took my breath away and looked different each time. I remember my exhaustion hiking to the bottom of the canyon and back up the same day on two of those visits. I do not recommend that lol. I remember skydiving in PA. No roller coaster has ever held the same thrill since. And to my eternal shame, I will always have on the DVD my screaming “This is better than sex!” Oy! I remember every other place I have traveled for a day, a weekend, or have lived, and it is very clear that I am who I am largely because of where I have been. Another obvious thing, God has always kept me safe and provided for me just what I needed just when I needed it. And my thoughts most often take me home to the little farm in Buchanan, MI where I grew up. It was the best place! It still is. My family is there and a huge chunk of my heart. The farm is gone but I remember every detail. I remember Grandma living up the hill to the right and Great Aunt Irene living on the hill to the left. I remember our dogs. I remember riding my bike to the ball field. I remember the smell of the lilac bushes outside the kitchen window. I remember fresh vegetables from the garden an dad’s grilling and homemade ice cream. Yummy! I temember.

The Story of Her Heart

A mature woman of God once told me her story. She was a patient of mine, a regular, a real sweetheart. She told me of her heart’s song, the story of her love life. It goes something like this (but without her charming demonstrative flare- you’ll have to imagine it). She was married to a man who was horrible to her for years and was miserable and wanting desperately to be loved and held and treasured by a man. She happened to meet a man she had been friends with a long time but they realized they loved each other. The bad thing was that he was also in a miserable marriage also to a horrible woman. They, for 9 months of bliss together, justified their love because their marriages and spouses were so horrible and they felt so good and whole in each other’s arms and company, it seemed like destiny, they were soul mates in every sense of the word, perfect for each other. It was a perfect fit. Well, the man was being kicked out of his living arrangement and decided to go back to his wife to survive (she would not leave her kids so stayed in the house married technically- divorce being a bad thing back then), leaving her high and dry, not looking back, throwing her away like garbage. She ended up heart broken and almost died of her broken heart, so great was the loss and the betrayal. She yearned for him and mourned him for 9 full months, the amount of time they were together. And I was moved to tears as she still teared up speaking of it, such a sad story, such a broken women before me even telling the story to me so passionately, so empathetic was I to her pain, I felt it equisitely. Then she changed her demeanor entirely and began again. This beautiful old woman told me that the story didn’t end there. She said that she felt alone and friendless after that and decided she would not waste the rest of her life depressed until she died, so she started praying and reading her Bible. A new friend helped her to rebuild her heart a little at a time and she became a strong woman of faith and character and she said Jesus restored and forgave her entirely and He can do the same for anyone. I thanked this beautiful woman for sharing her heart story with me and hugged her. It is not every day you meet someone so willing to share their intimate struggles and testimony. (She gave me permission to share this, by the way.) I think if we all showed people how Jesus changed us and humble ourselves enough to be vulnerable to the listeners and tell it like it is, warts and all, we would help win souls to Jesus for salvation and eternal life with Him in heaven. Jesus has saved us all who are saved and someone may need to hear your heart story to be saved. Never be too proud to tell it. Or rather, be more proud of Jesus and how incredibly He saved you from it that what it might look like that you were imperfect enough to need salvation in the first place. ❤