So, this song has been on my mind lately. The thing is that when you accumulate some years during “maturity”, you reminisce in quiet moments. You regret some. You appreciate others. You wonder at your own sanity or insanity when the opposite would have been called for at different times. You get why you are largely alone now, preferring the stability of a few close friends to popularity from the world of strangers and denegration. And it hits you that although the past may hold most of your ambitions and loves and passionate pursuits and hard times and incredibly amazing and perfect moments, all of it accumulated to get you to the most important moment of our life… the NOW. And you may have left some love out there floating around, rejected for a while but you know remembered by them now and again, and you may have left some pretty harsh treatment being forgiven beyond deserving, that God brought you to this place to forgive now and love who you can now. Better. Bigger. With maybe less ambition but much more wise fervor. And maybe, now, as He has blessed you with survival and presence, you can give God back some love He gave you through it all. He has been your constant, precious friend. He is the Lover our souls all wanted and still want. And treasure your precious gift that everything else has led to… NOW. ❤❤❤
Ever think how big the tiny word “if” is? Two little letters with books of meaning built in. Millions of undocumented words implied or possible with each two letter word “if”.
If you are good, you get candy.
If the gunman had gone to church to participate in the service, he might have been saved and bound for heaven instead of already in hell.
If business owner cared for their employees as much as themselves, there would be much better customer service.
If it rains, we cancel.
If I had married him, what would life look like today.
If I had gone to med school instead of the doctorate program, where would I be today?
If, if, if. There are many more and sometimes they pop into our heads and sometimes they stay out. But that tiny word has the ability to really beat you up. It can be a mean little word.
However, that tiny word can be out of focus and out of the forefront of your mind with help from God. God can reduce that huge word “if” back down to two letters. When we focus on Jesus, the past starts to go back because the now is what matters. It is beautiful.❤
When one’s world is changed dynamically, there is a new strangeness to things once mundane. Everything looks different, has a different flavor, it is changed forever. Once you then grow used to this new world you live in and there is a new normal and you see in passing someone that was once prominent in the old world, it is weird. It is like being transformed into a new mesh of the new and old. I do not know what to make of it so I will just let it go and allow God to lead me His way. I walk with Him, so anything now must gel with Him. He is the deciding factor. So… I feel weird but I still praise God! ❤ ❤ ❤
I take a lot of pictures. Partly because I am an artist and extremely visual and partly because I have a horrible memory about specifics sometimes and like to have the pic to remind me of the details. It jogs the memory. And being so visual, it takes me to the very spot again and I can relive it in my mind. And as I went through so many beautiful pictures of so many varied events, from family vacations to my kids’ endeavors to my band family and gigs to my Daddy in various stages of decline to nature around us which is amazing to home improvements and so many things. I love to think back. Some things seem like they happened yesterday and some things hard to believe happened. I vaguely remember the year leading up to and after my Daddy’s death, so much was going on. I think what a blessing it was to have the band’s and gigs then for a creative outlet while caretaking and the slow plague of dementia. And now both bands are so different, one we have moved on from and one we are reworking and taking a break from. A pantry lives and breathes where there was a blank slate. Other major house changes are here now. People have moved out of and into our lives. We have traveled and relaxed in some beautiful places. And I see and remember. And I am super super blessed by it all. I feel so blessed to have been a part of so many great things, a part of my good family, a part of other people’s lives. We are so very blessed!
There are many sayings about how the past should be left alone E, should not be focused on, should not be given freelance because the now suffers. I understand that viewpoint. However, some of the best things in my life happened in the past, some long past and some recent past. These things go along with the other line of thinking to find hope and focus on this GS that are good and beautiful. So I don’t believe there is an either/or in life. I don’t believe we can pick one because really we live in both places. We need to live now but focus on the good and great and encouraging and uplifting, wherever that rests, either past or present. And I refuse to shake off those beautiful things that meant the most to me. They are worth preserving, worth cherishing, may never come again but at least you lived fully in those moments. So I will keep those, forever and forgive the wrongs and move forward in the now, realizing the importance of treasuring every good moment and living fully the life we have at our feet.