Unexpected Separations

So our grown son (from my husband’s previous marriage), the Marine and all around really great guy (maybe a tad biased), gave us the wham banger news that his wife of 4-ish years just left him for her ex-fiance of ancient past, the one who wouldn’t commit. Yep. We were going to visit them this week. Now, instead, he is moving alone out west to room with a Marine brother and a fresh start because he loves her sincerely and everything there is her. And I got to thinking. I had that happen in my ancient past… dumped for an unworthy ex after years of commitment and mutual love. And some people are a blessing in your life when they are there and some are are greater blessing when they go. It is impossible to say and realize that for about are year and that is are fact. Before a year is up, you only say it through clenched jaw. But how much worse to end up in many years with someone who hates you and has run you into the ground or stolen your freedom and identity and taken all your purpose to suit them and then threw you out or selfishly cheated. And like I was, he is blessed to start afresh and have us praying for him and encouraging him, and whatever God had for Him can be more apparent without someone half there and unsupportive. Nonetheless, as horrible as divorce is, sometimes you are forced to face it and change everything and that is never easy. So if you think of it, please pray for our son to find the path God wants Him now. God is the healer of hearts and Maker and Lifter of our heads. Thank you and God bless us, everyone!❤

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Being Accidentally Wrong vs Being Intentionally Wrong

There is a huge difference between being intentionally wrong and being accidentally wrong. It is truly a huge difference but sometimes the result is the same. For instance, my husband attacks me for both. He treats them exactly the same. In fact, he will stack them up with other past wrongs. There is no white out or eraser. And I am feeling miserable right now because, human that I am, I screwed up yet again and made an accidental mistake (which I am quite sorry for and humbled at having made) and am in the doghouse. I am made to feel like a criminal, foolish, stupid, disposable almost. Every mistake bears the a came fruit. Criticism at imperfection is always awaiting me. I can do little right, it seems. And I have this one joy in the midst of such blatant disregard for my apologetic and humbled disposition. God is generous with forgiveness. I have a heavenly Father who holds my often clumsy and awkward outgoing nature in His hands and forgives me of my flaws. He understands them. God loves me more than judges me. God cares for me and my well being more than He wants to prove I am flawed and in need of Him. He wants to give me joy not steal it, give me peace not damage it, love me not wound me. I have this amazing Heavenly Father God who loves me awkwardness I am and motivates me by love to want to be better. God is not critically picking apart every wrong move or word but is gently guiding me to the write moves and words. It is a comforting reminder that I am unconditionally loved. You know what, so are you. Thank God! ❤

When Death Comes Unexpectedly

To lose your husband unexpectedly has to be one of the hardest experiences of life. He was young, no more than 50. Not ill. Never had a sign of suffering or pain, just died overnight out of nowhere. Wake up next to a dead body instead of your husband. That is what happened this morning to my good, long time friend Susie. She had no idea that the “I love you. Sweet dreams” would have been the last time she said that ever. My heart throbs for her, tears flow. I am dropping my afternoon plans to be with her. I don’t know what to say but I know beyond all doubt that I need to keep her company and be there for and with her. So, I will cry with her, hold her, love her. And when things happen, changing your own plans is the Jesus thing to do. She has God’s peace but I need to be arms for her for Jesus.❤

Hopeless to Hope

The scene is set. The curtain up.

Your happy eyes now looking up.

You have no cares, your life is pat

There is no problem. You hang your hat.

The curtain down, the play is done.

And now the crying has begun.

No one understands, you think

And into darkness now you sink.

But, dearest heart, before you die

Open your heart for one last try

And cry out for the God loving you

The One who made you before the blue.

Pray, dear heart, you’ve naught to lose.

In doing so, you just may lose

The hopelessness and darkness too

For light is what He is for you.

There is another better way

And you will make it through this day.

And then the next and light invades

And soon your heart restored will praise!❤

The Key to Not Taking Offense

Everyone knows me now knows I do not take offense at the criticism of others. I see every person’s comments as personal biased opinions for which there is a rigorous but unknown backstory. Someone may say something rude but they did not mean to be rude, they did not have another way to express their lack of energy at such a horrible day they had. Or the rude thing may reflect their upbringing and they think it is normal. Or their car broke down earlier and their frustration level is overflowing onto me. There is a reason and I love people enough to give them that benefit of the doubt. Now if I am victim of it habitually, I will pull them aside and talk to them and apologize for any offense I have given them. This does two things: breaks the ice in a humble way and makes their bad behavior realized. It may even help them get to the heaet of the matter. I mean, who doesn’t want to be apologized to? Who stays angry at someone being humble to you? So the key is to stay humble and not take things/words personally. For instance, I went out shopping, I noticed the weird phenomenon that I turned a lot of guys’ heads. I thought I must be having a good looking day and that’s nice. Then my husband tell me this dress makes me look fat. The old me would have either attacked him or cried, depending on the time of the month, but nope. Not today. Not anymore. I no longer take the offense. I consider the source, he was raised highly critical and thus criticism is normal conversation, in addition it is his strange, twisted way of trying to help me look my best. It is not nice but I no longer take offense. If I need a word of encouragement, I go to God or my best friend. So someone may pitch you something offensive with or without realizing it but it is up to me or you to take it, accept it from them or not. Don’t take it personally but just as if they were trying to give you a present of garbage, you can gracefully refuse to accept it and say “no thanks, not my size” or “no thanks, not true of me”. Stay humble, seek to understand and you may help them. Forgive them and you help you too. Love you. ❤

Temporary Sorrows

When knee deep in sorrow and grief, it feels like that grief will last forever. It really does. Forever and ever. And it could be a temporary sorrow like being lied about or a deep tissue sorrow like being abandoned by someone who swore to love you forever or the loss of a dear family member. Whatever it is, the grief and sorrow held feels heavy and permanent. Feels like a punch in the gut you will never ever recover from. But the truth of it is quite different. In truth, God was not surprised by your horrible experience and was already formulating a healing path before it ever got here, knowing the nuances and is ready and waiting to love on you back to health. And God does not interfere and prevent these things and people blame Him for that. He could but He refuses to interfere with our gift of free choice and knows that our own growth and healing will produce wisdom and holiness in us. I am not the same person as I was before my Daddy’s death. I am not the same person as I was before my fiance threw me away for another inferior woman a while ago. I am not the same person as I was before my divorce. I am not the same person as I was when undergoing severe discrimination during my thesis and nearly being prevented from graduating. I am not the same person as I was before I was raped. I am not the same person as I was when my beloved precious dog died. All of things at the time were traumatic and hit me hard. But the person I am now is arguably the strongest and one of the wisest woman I have ever known or heard of because through every single thing, God healed me and made me stronger and wiser than I was before. And the grief I thought would kill or cripple me God used to heal and improve me and humble my heart and draw me closer to Him. Every crushing blow I am thankful for because God works more powerfully in our brokenness and heals us stronger than we were before. I have been through the worst and know hands down God is bigger than any of it and can take me through anything else with the same grace and beauty. I am internally more sensitive where I should be callous. The scars He forms on our hearts are miraculously more functional than our original skin! It is counterintuitive and contray to the physical. I am a doctor and my training tells me how scars are problematic, restrict function, add bulk, interfere with motion, interfere with function. But the scars on our heart from grieving that God provides when we humbly ask Him to are smoother, powerful, more stretchy, more functional, more healing, etc. than our original. There is only faith that explains this. It is not natural so it is supernatural and how God works. And this Great Physician is also our great Daddy and noone can love us more. When I missed my exfiance’s hugs, I prayed and I honestly felt my heart being hugged. Sounds strange but strange is my new normal because it happens so much in my life. When I cry out for my daddy, I talk to my God Daddy and He spreads calm and love and assurance and peace over me like a warm hug. So your sorrow is a tool and if you humbly pray to God for comfort and to show you love and truth from this, I swear to you He will show up. He is already there! And keep praying and read the Bible for the teuth and assurances and He will gradually lovingly form those superpower scars. Guaranteed! Love you!!