The Precious Pain Box

Hanging on to a deep hurt from our past is like clenching a secret box of pain or bad choices or addiction that we have made a treasure of. We protect it. We keep it. We, like Gallum of the Lord of the Rings book series by J. R. Tolkien, call it “my precious” and would die to keep it and protect it.

Meanwhile, this protected box, though feeling familiar and safe and only ours, is killing us softly, keeping us bondage to it. We think we are holding our box but that box is holding us.

How do you feel safe enough to let it go? Only one way. We have to choose to do so. We have to humbly want to put the box down. As soon as we want Him to, God will take it from you. And He is with you along the way trying to get your attention to let you know life is better without that evil box we have been treasuring. Forgiveness is release of the pain and hurt in full pardon- you choose to forgive. Prayer is a powerful tool to help get you there. Love is too.

Let me encourage you by saying how freeing and light is to put the bad box treasure down. You feel as though you can fly without it. It is beautiful! And God is so very good!😄❤

Gig Joy & Pain

We love gigging. It is how we met, is extra pocket money for us, is a shared music passion, is our only mutual hobby and really all we do together other than eat. So gigging with our band or at church is amazing to us, we live it. God gives us joy but we get our sheer happiness and bliss from music, the talent God gave us.

However, as we are not younger and younger but quite the opposite is in fact true, it is quite a pain to load and unload the equipment twice per gig, lots of gear and we carry for everyone. It is a lot, it is heavy, and it is time consuming. We try to minimize this by having our kids be our roadies (for a little pocket money). This helps but today that didn’t work because they were not here. And as my husband’s knees are needing replacement, I have the crux of the load. It is a lot of work.

But I have never been a stranger to hard work. And to be truthful (and please add dramatic pause for I am about to make a deep, poignant statement), you receive much fuller joy when you have to work for it, even if it hurts. When it costs something, it is worth more. When you work for it, it is sweeter.😄 ❤

On Missing

Sometimes you just have to miss an important person from your pass. Miss them, think about them, love them, pray for them, wish them the best, and move the heck on. Sometimes you have to feel it and then walk on. It just is. And if that person was meant to be there and God wanted them there, they would be there. Accept it, miss them, cry for a bit if you need to, hug a trusted neck if you need to, and then keep moving. Stop if you need, then get up again and keep going. Has to be done. We got this. God helps.❤

Woe to the Person Who Makes Us Cry

Woe to the person who makes us cry

For they will cry in the end

Woe to the person who hurts our soul

It one day will never hurt again

But theirs will be scorched with brimstone fire

And forgiveness will be asked too late

So I puty those who make us cry

And forgive them and beg they repent.❤

To Be Everything

To be everything to a man

Then be nothing,

Knowing now someone else is everything to him,

Feeling the sting of knowing him

Better than anyone

Then being discarded,

To love deeper than anyone

Then be hated by the beloved,

This pain is unfathomable.

This pain should be illegal.

This pain keeps biting after the snake is dead.

The pain is deep.

Never do this to anyone.

Never provide this pain.

Take care who you choose to love.

Take care whose love you accept.

Take care of love while you have it.❤

The Darkness of Separation

There is a darkness deeper in hue than the blackness of night, that delves to greater depths than the ocean floor. There is an emptiness that cannot be ignored, lonelier than Christmas without decoration or company. There is a depression so wide and harrowing that fields of burnt wheat do not adequately represent it. And here is where I was when separated from God. Separation from Him is separation from life itself, for He made it all. And closeness to God is all the light back, peace, joy, life, contentment, comfort. Remember that, my friend. Remember that, me. ❤ 

Life is Also in the Pain

As a doctor, I know some stuff about medicine and the human body. And I have read up on many illnesses, they just fascinate me because of my love for humanity and how things work. And a book I read about leprosy opened my eyes to the appreciate pain as a valuable part of life. He documented lepers throughout their illnesses as he treated them. Their biggest problem and sadness was not being able to feel pain, so they would get wounds they didn’t know about. They wanted more than anything to feel pain because they stated they don’t feel alive or a part of life without it. Pain is connection. Since reading that book, I look at pain differently. We barely grow in character with good times, however immense growth and character development happens through pain. At least for me it works that way. I don’t go searching for pain still, but if it comes, I am appreciative of the lesson I search out. It is a good part of connection, learning and life. ❤