Spouse or Family of Addicts Yields a Forgiveness Expert

One big thing about living with an addict, whether you are married to one or there is one or more in your family, you become a forgiveness expert. Now, this isn’t automatic. It took me a while to

1. be humble enough to admit that I was not perfect (when you see someone every day in addiction(s), you tend to compare and feel pretty holy and it takes maturity of humility to admit to not being perfect and thus forgiving. (It helped me a lot with this when a pastor said “Our comparison should never be against other people who are also flawed but against Jesus who is perfect, then we see the need for His grace”) and

2. Be mature enough to know that God will forgive my sins as I forgive those who sin against me and

3. Trust God enough to have control of the situation and yield my control of it,

4. Find comfort and strength in a strong relationship with God, and lastly

5. Realize that forgiveness does not mean enabling as long as they know where we stand and we maintain healthy boundaries (forgiveness is the earthly manifestation of grace which frees rather than enables – they carry obscene amounts of guilt continually and this frees them of more).

All these things needed to be in place for forgiveness to come easy to me. When you decide to stay with the addict, you decide to purposely stay with someone who has chosen to feed their own selfishness and narcissism based on lies and escapism over any real love for you. They decide to be Willoughby from Sense and Sensibility. They do love you in their way “but not enough” because of this sin sickness, this self-inflicted denial and escapism (escaping from pain or discomfort or trauma and God). It is humbling and to survive relying on God is paramount to success.

Know that it is always God’s desire to draw everyone close to Himself and so He rewards those who stay with those running from Him and who keep showing His love. He wants them back and appreciated you standing in the gap through prayer, Bible study and loving example of grace and forgiveness.

So we have the extra blessing of opportunities to forgive. As such, we are in a very good position to be rewarded richly by God and also to be able to help other people in the same position or less experienced at it. Anyway, God bless us, everyone. Much love to you on your journey. πŸ˜„β€

The Precious Pain Box

Hanging on to a deep hurt from our past is like clenching a secret box of pain or bad choices or addiction that we have made a treasure of. We protect it. We keep it. We, like Gallum of the Lord of the Rings book series by J. R. Tolkien, call it “my precious” and would die to keep it and protect it.

Meanwhile, this protected box, though feeling familiar and safe and only ours, is killing us softly, keeping us bondage to it. We think we are holding our box but that box is holding us.

How do you feel safe enough to let it go? Only one way. We have to choose to do so. We have to humbly want to put the box down. As soon as we want Him to, God will take it from you. And He is with you along the way trying to get your attention to let you know life is better without that evil box we have been treasuring. Forgiveness is release of the pain and hurt in full pardon- you choose to forgive. Prayer is a powerful tool to help get you there. Love is too.

Let me encourage you by saying how freeing and light is to put the bad box treasure down. You feel as though you can fly without it. It is beautiful! And God is so very good!πŸ˜„β€

Over-Indulging

Tonight, we ate at Olive Garden. What I mean is that we over – dulged at Olive Garden, dessert and all. We rarely (thank the Lord) eat that way and I am not sure what got into us, just that it looked good, tasted good and was good and we kept eating it. It was fantastic. Until now. Ugh! I feel awful and look 3 months pregnant. Sin? Not necessarily unless we make a habit of it (gluttony). But we do feel awful so maybe a bit of a sin against our poor bodies. We feel awful! So we will ride it out, accept the consequences, and learn from it and keep it much simpler.

Sin is like this. It looks good, is tantalizing, you over- indulge and greedily devour every morsel, then afterward in comes bad feelings, guilt, sickness. It is bad. So, you can choose to accept consequences and repent from it, learning and going a different way next time and apologize and you are forgiven. Yes, have to ride out consequences, but being redeemed is a lighter feeling inside. πŸ˜„β€

Avoiding Sexual Temptation

Temptation is the only thing I can see in the Bible where we are instructed to run from it. Against giants, we run toward and face, when lied against, we stand on truth from the Bible, with injustice we stand oue ground, when hit we turn the other cheek but still stand. I heard a great teacher of the Bible David Jeremiah say this and it is true. Joseph ran from his boss’ wife’s sexual advances. Sexual temptation us everywhere we allow our natural sex drive to inflate and wander. It has gone from seething and hiding under every rock and dark place to openly flaunted on the internet and in wide open spaces. Kids can wander into it if safeguards are not in place. It can sneak in around even those if we are neglectful. To avoid it, we must decide to run from it. Put the safeguards on everyone’s tech and not just the kids’. If it keeps happening, throw the tech out. Better to be without tech than for tech to rule you and drag you to hell. Get deeper into God’s Word and prayer and He gives strength to run from it. It is a natural impulse Satan uses to imprison people and destroy lives. Just simply run from it and draw near to God. It is just that simple. You have to want to do good more than bad. Choose it and pray and get help and support if you need but keep running from it. Want good more than evil. God will reward and bless your efforts in doing the right thing.❀