Self-Reflection

Having teenage children and a decade plus with critical husbands and having had critical (though loving) parents and a critical sister, I realize that it is no wonder I am sarcastic where I used to be optimistic and funny. I also never fit in anywhere, though I am naturally perceived to be the natural leader and life of the party. I do not fit into any mold anyone has tried to force me into- good or bad. And I never understood why I was expected to conform to anyone else’s ideal me. I used to judge and criticize others because I was judged and criticized, but the closer I get to Jesus, the less I criticize and judge and the more I see truth and who He made me to be and He did not make me a sheep. He made me for Him- very specifically designed to serve in any way needed.

And I believe every specific person was designed on purpose for God. I believe God hand crafts every person to be distinctive, purposeful, fulfilling a role designed by Him. No accidents, no molds, no cookie cutters, no mistakes. So we must never compare or conform. We must treasure our uniqueness, be thankful and use it for God and where needed.πŸ˜ƒβ€οΈ

Dark Night of the Soul

Tonight was community group. It was very small this evening, which was perfect because I was in a mood, a sad mood, almost a woe is me mood, nearly depressed, which is unlike normal me, that muddy soul thing I mentioned before.

I was tempted to dump out my story and how hard the day was and how I had to cut back my loved and beautiful trumpet vine because it was out of control huge and needed to start small again and grow, my husband said. (I was crying as I cut it.) But something in me and the circumstances kept my mputh closed and ears listening, which I am getting better at.

As I was leaving, I mentioned to my coleader what was goinng on and asked for prayer. She didn’t bat an eye and told me “Oh, you’re going through your dark night of the soul. Look it up and I’ll pray for you.”

I looked it up and whatever that weird title is, it sounded exactly like it. So I prayed for God to help me through this thing and I will go through it with Jesus and may God’s will be done. I am happy to know I am not going insane and other people go through rough patches. “Nothing is new under the sun.” So praise God!! I just keep trusting Him, do what I need to, and rest between like my wise friend suggested.πŸ˜ƒβ€οΈ

Discoveries

So I found out recently that a long lost friend of mine took up playing piano. And I was curious, so I checked it out and saw him play on a video. For someone who used to play drums in our band, I was super impressed he is shining on my instrument after only a month. He is either a natural or really passionate about playing. Either way will get you there and I am so very happy for him. I am sure he doesn’t even consider me anymore, maybe forgot my name even by now, but I was happily surprised by his accomplishment and hope the Lord uses that to bring joy to his life because he seemed very unhappy.

So a discovery sometimes is a welcome surprise that inspires and is often a mixed bag because it brings to mind remembrances and missing people. So like the kids’ song says, “Be careful, little eyes, what you see. Be careful, little hands, what you do. Be careful, little feet where you go. For the Father up above is looking down in love. Be careful, little mouths, what you say.” It is important to consider some discoveries as “That’s nice” moments and move on. Too much rumination does no good. Might sour things. Food for thought. πŸ˜„β€

Finding Out

I love that God tells us how things are going to play out and about eternity with Him up front and what we need to do to stay close to Him. All that is spelled out in the Bible. Beautifully. Clearly. Simply. This world is a world of finding out the hard way. We find out later what we did wrong, too late what we did right, stage timing what was close but didn’t work, who really did love you after all but is long out of the picture now, what lost we lost steam on and gave up right before it would have worked. Finding out is a bit exasperating. But God is clear. Count and bank on Him. Only God we trust and His Word is straight forward and meaningful. We find out everything we truly need eternally from the Bible. How perfect is that!❀