Dark Night of the Soul

Tonight was community group. It was very small this evening, which was perfect because I was in a mood, a sad mood, almost a woe is me mood, nearly depressed, which is unlike normal me, that muddy soul thing I mentioned before.

I was tempted to dump out my story and how hard the day was and how I had to cut back my loved and beautiful trumpet vine because it was out of control huge and needed to start small again and grow, my husband said. (I was crying as I cut it.) But something in me and the circumstances kept my mputh closed and ears listening, which I am getting better at.

As I was leaving, I mentioned to my coleader what was goinng on and asked for prayer. She didn’t bat an eye and told me “Oh, you’re going through your dark night of the soul. Look it up and I’ll pray for you.”

I looked it up and whatever that weird title is, it sounded exactly like it. So I prayed for God to help me through this thing and I will go through it with Jesus and may God’s will be done. I am happy to know I am not going insane and other people go through rough patches. “Nothing is new under the sun.” So praise God!! I just keep trusting Him, do what I need to, and rest between like my wise friend suggested.😃❤️

Missing People

I understand that missing people is selfish. I get that. I also get that grieving is a process of letting go of that person’s present influence in your life and needs to complete its journey before it lets you go. My daddy has been in heaven two years now and I still miss him and still grieve. And my two friends died at the same time, one from this world and one rejected me and left my life completely. Three losses at once and one was my precious daddy. Also, I had some bad decisions still on my conscience and had discovered a porn addiction in my husband so felt very alone and isolated and ugly. And I got very depressed for about a year and a half and have since been healed by Jesus. So when I say that God heals, I know this to be true personally. It starts with a hope that it doesn’t always have to be like that, that it can change. Then that hope fans into exploration, what can be done? Then for me it was a search for truth in the Bible, then prayer and then a relationship with God through Jesus. Then He healed me. And He strengthened me so much I can fast once a week and look forward to it to grow closer to Him. And He helped me lose 48 pounds (just 2 pounds from my goal) and have tons of energy to serve and work and make music.

So have a little hope and then do something to search out truth, only found in God. He can heal you like He healed me. He healed me from everything, even things from my past I did not realize were still hurting me. God is so loving and beautiful and really loves you and me and wants us healthy and happy. He really does. Feed that little hope and read some precious truth from the Bible and pray. Healing is just after that, yours for the asking and a little internal effort. Worth it.❤

When you Get Nothing Good Back

Now, herein lies the bent of being beaten down. We tend to focus on the beating. We tend to get despondent and morose, maybe even melancholy or depressed. We see the problem, the thorn in our side, the evil of the situation and we often succumb to the ugliness of it.

I offer a solution. Focus on God. He is the positive, the light of life. We can’t sit and stew in the dark when we could turn the light on and have joy and peace in any situation. God is that source of goodness. And He is enough. He is the only One. And often, the only supportive encouragement on earth comes from Him.❤

God Is in Charge

When I feel alone, God is still in charge.

When I feel utterly unloved, God is still in charge.

When my body has pain, God is still in charge.

When nothing goes right, God is still in charge.

When I want to run away, God is still in charge.

When life is very complicated, God is still in charge.

When I don’t understand what is going on, God is still in charge.

When I feel insignificant, God is still in charge.

And God is loving and capable and loves me very much. I am in good hands with God being in charge and I am blessed beyond measure just to understand He is my Heavenly Father. I can face everything because I never face it alone. God is with me, loving me who He made. God is everything. I have everything I need and God is incredible and beautiful! ❤ ❤ ❤