Struggling

When things are going well, look out. All was quiet for about a minute and internally peaceful with God’s love and grace and help. Still is really but seeing someone from my past pop up, someone I used to know every secret, someone who I obviously loved incredibly more than he loved me, who I haven’t seen in a long time, and now I am married to my husband and all is in the past. But seeing the face and hearing the name from a friend just reminded me of the weirdness and struggle with keeping focused on the now. It is easy for me to get distracted, my mind is always racing and God is the only one now who can focus me. And I had to refocus because it is strange to see someone you loved in the past out of nowhere when the loving someone now and being committed in marriage is happening. And I thought hard and really truly would not change a thing. If I had not gone through heartbreak, I would not realize fully God’s strength in restoring me and raising me from the dead. He saved me from myself, no question in my mind. I accept that everything happens for a reason, a blessing or a test, and that God gives grace when we fail the test if we ask Him and smiles if we pass the test. Tests must be. How else does anyone really know how they will respond in a specific situation if they are never in one. It is easy to say the right words without a struggle. When the struggle comes, you and God see what you are made of and infinitely more important what God is made of. How erasylse can we know with our tiny human minds? God has to show us. And I am so very thankful He chose grace for me and gave me a wonderful husband who takes such good care of us. I am content no knowing or contemplating the what ifs. What matters is the now. I choose God’s way and path for me. I am thankful for the blessings and thankful even more for the struggle. Pain is an impressive teacher sometimes if we are open to and decide to learn the leason. ❤

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