Struggling

When things are going well, look out. All was quiet for about a minute and internally peaceful with God’s love and grace and help. Still is really but seeing someone from my past pop up, someone I used to know every secret, someone who I obviously loved incredibly more than he loved me, who I haven’t seen in a long time, and now I am married to my husband and all is in the past. But seeing the face and hearing the name from a friend just reminded me of the weirdness and struggle with keeping focused on the now. It is easy for me to get distracted, my mind is always racing and God is the only one now who can focus me. And I had to refocus because it is strange to see someone you loved in the past out of nowhere when the loving someone now and being committed in marriage is happening. And I thought hard and really truly would not change a thing. If I had not gone through heartbreak, I would not realize fully God’s strength in restoring me and raising me from the dead. He saved me from myself, no question in my mind. I accept that everything happens for a reason, a blessing or a test, and that God gives grace when we fail the test if we ask Him and smiles if we pass the test. Tests must be. How else does anyone really know how they will respond in a specific situation if they are never in one. It is easy to say the right words without a struggle. When the struggle comes, you and God see what you are made of and infinitely more important what God is made of. How erasylse can we know with our tiny human minds? God has to show us. And I am so very thankful He chose grace for me and gave me a wonderful husband who takes such good care of us. I am content no knowing or contemplating the what ifs. What matters is the now. I choose God’s way and path for me. I am thankful for the blessings and thankful even more for the struggle. Pain is an impressive teacher sometimes if we are open to and decide to learn the leason. ❤

Struggles Unseen

With struggles unseen by naked eye, 

that loom over the struggler, passed by, 

it leaves much doubt inside the head 

as to which one can hear and which one can lend 

a hand to help fight this struggle unseen, 

this plague of a madman inside my brain 

wreaking all sorts of havoc and wishing me bled. 

And of every person who does not even know 

the length and the depth of this struggle I know, 

this secretive life that I cannot reveal 

or I would hurt a loved one so real.

I realize this, there is only just One 

Who knows every secret that’s ever been done.

God knows my struggle, the darkness I know.

And He gives me peace only He can bestow.❤❤❤

Sun Kissed

Too much sun today, from Homeschool Group meeting and then pool time. Lots of sun, lots of heat. Did I mention hot?

So the pool felt good but added to the sun part. And I thought, isn’t that what we do in life? We play with fire, get close to it, have a little more fun, stay a little bit longer and before we know it, we are wounded, burned. Christians seem hell bent on seeing how much of the world they can enjoy and still be saved, how close to the fire without getting burned. Instead, we should be enjoying the fruit of the Spirit and seeing how different we can be from the world as we worship and serve the Lord. ❤

Easier to Fall

It amazes me how much easier it is to fall. It is so easy to say the wrong word, do the wrong thing, give up and be mediocre or lazy, so easy to revert to old bad habits or act like like bad things you were shown or doing what we want or falling for pleasures and vices. Being good and specifically being God’s and thus being eternally successful is really hard comparitively. It just is. If being a Christian is ever presented as an easy road, they are liars and want something from you. The truth is it is counter culture to serve rather than try to be served. It is counter culture to be humble. It is counter culture to love when people deserve hate. It is counter ourselves to please God rather than try to please ourselves. It is difficult, really difficult. But what is true is that we have an unlimited and eternal source of help and strength and comfort available to us any and every time we humbly ask Him. We are not alone in this journey, we are never asked to be. In fact, God wants us closer, nearer, more in live with Him, communicating more. He wants to love on us and teach us with His Word. He wants to whisper love to our hearts in prayer. He wants to lavish love on us and reward us for our struggles and remind us we are just passing through and will be with Him forever on beautiful sin-less bliss soon if we just draw close to Him and struggle on with peace and joy and hope as our love/strength gifts from Him.

United We Struggle

All of us struggle with something. How do I know? Because we are all human and all still alive. There is a unity in our struggle, that which unites us. Would be beautiful if love is what united us and someday it will be but for now, we share the commonality of struggle. Sure some will take offense and say they have no struggle. I laugh and say either that is your struggle (denial) or you’re about to. No one is any better than anyone else. Just some of us are forgiven by God because we humbly asked Him to so are more equipped to handle the struggle ands learn the lesson faster. So let’s encourage and support and pray for each other for we are the same. And God will help us. Together. United we stand.