Hanging on to a deep hurt from our past is like clenching a secret box of pain or bad choices or addiction that we have made a treasure of. We protect it. We keep it. We, like Gallum of the Lord of the Rings book series by J. R. Tolkien, call it “my precious” and would die to keep it and protect it.
Meanwhile, this protected box, though feeling familiar and safe and only ours, is killing us softly, keeping us bondage to it. We think we are holding our box but that box is holding us.
How do you feel safe enough to let it go? Only one way. We have to choose to do so. We have to humbly want to put the box down. As soon as we want Him to, God will take it from you. And He is with you along the way trying to get your attention to let you know life is better without that evil box we have been treasuring. Forgiveness is release of the pain and hurt in full pardon- you choose to forgive. Prayer is a powerful tool to help get you there. Love is too.
Let me encourage you by saying how freeing and light is to put the bad box treasure down. You feel as though you can fly without it. It is beautiful! And God is so very good!😄❤
Lord, make the emptiness he left,
This broken girl all cut and torn
And heal the wounds with precious scars
That form a tattoo that looks like You.❤❤❤
I am a doctor of audiology. My job is to help people with their hearing and balance troubles. Most of the people who finally walked through my door came with exasperated spouses or other family members most of the time. I would find out the reason for the problem and give options on how to fix it. Now, it struck me odd at first that so many patients would have the information before them and still deny a problem, causing greater frustration to their loved ones and not doing them a lick of good either. And it came to me this morning that no one will ever decide to hear the facts or admit there is a problem or go about trying to solve said denied problem until THEY are ready to make that decision for themselves. You can not push a rope. There are times in our lives when you want so much to help someone you love. And there are times when you reach a frustration level second to none where you want to shake them and scream let me help you. And that person will just never decide to hear you or care about your love. This is so sad and so personal. We all are experiencing this on some level daily with lost souls or family members. So, what are our options? One is to leave, of course, which is why divorce rates are so high and people are estranged from family members. Another option is to force your way, which many people choose and even more bitterness ensues. The best option and the one I choose is to stay and be a quiet light in their lives. God loves us when we were the ugliest just as much as He does when we clean up very well. And if His Holy Spirit is in us, whatever He shows us how to do, we can also do. He empowers us. We just have to decide that that is that person’s free will right to accept truth or keep screwing up with lies after lies and they may never ever change their mind. However, they might with quiet love beside them and unconditional love around them. And God can help give opportunities and wisdom to say or do the right things at the right times for the right reasons. We must always remember that we are sinners saved by God’s perfect grace and there was a time we didn’t make good choices either. Be patient. Be love.
“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you”, I have heard that a lot. But what do you do if those providing for you have claws and sometimes scratch you up pretty good? Now, I don’t mean physical abuse. That requires getting away and protecting self and any children. That is a matter left for the law, and I recommend them for such issues. And I am not necessarily talking about parents or spouses. The hand that feeds you can be an employer or friend or mentor or parent or spouse. I mean that you are consistently being slashed/spoken down to/berated/lied to/etc. by a person in a position of authority or provision over you. What do you do? The first step is an assessment. By assessment I mean really take a close look at the heart of the problem. For instance, if an employer for instance always criticizes your work, look first at, am I doing bad work? Am I to blame? Sometimes we are, if we can get ourselves to look objectively at it. If yes, fix yourself first and the problem may clear up. If no, look at why? Is he being critical for a particular reason? If nothing obvious jumps out or does, move on to step 2, which is to determine the level of maturity of the other person involved. Ask a test question hypothetically and gage the response. For instance in this example, ask the boss what you should do if another employee was being very critical of your work. If they get angry or charge off or start defending themselves or demand to know who is doing this, probably not a good idea to discuss this real situation with them. If they respond with “Well, you should talk to them and if that doesn’t work, come talk to me”, well you can have a heart to heart at the right time and should make an appointment to speak with him. If speaking with them isn’t a viable or wise option, here is step 3. Assess the situation again in terms of a damage meter, meaning how damaging is this behavior to you long term? Is there some way to separate myself from the damage? Can I live with it or do I need to suddenly become more independent and work towards taking care of myself another way? This is a serious line of questioning and should only be embarked upon with great wisdom and prayer and Bible study. God does not intend for His children to suffer needlessly. However, you had better be certain you have a back up plan and wise counsel/advice from an older Christ follower you know and trust who can be sure the damage is not inflated too much in your own mind. Prayer precedes decisions always. Step 4 is acting. After you have planned for a back up plan, confront the person with their behavior. If the Lord wants you to stay there, He will assist with and provide a positive response. If He wants you to go, you will be met with such a negative response that you will know the situation will only deteriorate your health over time and you must go away from the situation and explain why to the person. It is very giving of you to give them an opportunity to change themselves and we are supposed to be giving. These 4 steps I believe are sound Biblically and require much prayerful discernment and advice. We should have boundaries of protection around us, even from those who meet needs of ours because our dependence is first and foremost on God and He will provide all our needs according to His riches and glory. We are responsible to take care of His dwelling place, ourselves.