Spouse or Family of Addicts Yields a Forgiveness Expert

One big thing about living with an addict, whether you are married to one or there is one or more in your family, you become a forgiveness expert. Now, this isn’t automatic. It took me a while to

1. be humble enough to admit that I was not perfect (when you see someone every day in addiction(s), you tend to compare and feel pretty holy and it takes maturity of humility to admit to not being perfect and thus forgiving. (It helped me a lot with this when a pastor said “Our comparison should never be against other people who are also flawed but against Jesus who is perfect, then we see the need for His grace”) and

2. Be mature enough to know that God will forgive my sins as I forgive those who sin against me and

3. Trust God enough to have control of the situation and yield my control of it,

4. Find comfort and strength in a strong relationship with God, and lastly

5. Realize that forgiveness does not mean enabling as long as they know where we stand and we maintain healthy boundaries (forgiveness is the earthly manifestation of grace which frees rather than enables – they carry obscene amounts of guilt continually and this frees them of more).

All these things needed to be in place for forgiveness to come easy to me. When you decide to stay with the addict, you decide to purposely stay with someone who has chosen to feed their own selfishness and narcissism based on lies and escapism over any real love for you. They decide to be Willoughby from Sense and Sensibility. They do love you in their way “but not enough” because of this sin sickness, this self-inflicted denial and escapism (escaping from pain or discomfort or trauma and God). It is humbling and to survive relying on God is paramount to success.

Know that it is always God’s desire to draw everyone close to Himself and so He rewards those who stay with those running from Him and who keep showing His love. He wants them back and appreciated you standing in the gap through prayer, Bible study and loving example of grace and forgiveness.

So we have the extra blessing of opportunities to forgive. As such, we are in a very good position to be rewarded richly by God and also to be able to help other people in the same position or less experienced at it. Anyway, God bless us, everyone. Much love to you on your journey. 😄❤

The Precious Pain Box

Hanging on to a deep hurt from our past is like clenching a secret box of pain or bad choices or addiction that we have made a treasure of. We protect it. We keep it. We, like Gallum of the Lord of the Rings book series by J. R. Tolkien, call it “my precious” and would die to keep it and protect it.

Meanwhile, this protected box, though feeling familiar and safe and only ours, is killing us softly, keeping us bondage to it. We think we are holding our box but that box is holding us.

How do you feel safe enough to let it go? Only one way. We have to choose to do so. We have to humbly want to put the box down. As soon as we want Him to, God will take it from you. And He is with you along the way trying to get your attention to let you know life is better without that evil box we have been treasuring. Forgiveness is release of the pain and hurt in full pardon- you choose to forgive. Prayer is a powerful tool to help get you there. Love is too.

Let me encourage you by saying how freeing and light is to put the bad box treasure down. You feel as though you can fly without it. It is beautiful! And God is so very good!😄❤

Tensions High & Humble Pie

Back to my humble I run. Tensions around here are high with my husband’s tv on the fritz. I am listening to music to pass time before bed and he is annoyed and passive aggressively hates every son I pick. I have to like all his weird songs that are rock songs with jazz timing that never settle well, but my songs are all garbage, not to be tolerated. And this is the tense life and I am fasting tomorrow (prayers to follow on another post).

So, I take a deep breath in ad hold it for a second or two and let it out in a controlled fashion and step off my reared up pride once again. It is not my concern that he keeps his pride up. No, my business is in myself being humble before the Lord and as an extention, being humble before him. I turn the music off, pray and read my Bible.

Is this a cop out, a “crutch”? I don’t care about that except to disdain the pride teeming in that question. I only care that I need to correct me and my pride to soften the room. So I do. And all is well.

We are too quick to proudly defend our honor when humble forgiveness and grace serve everyone much better.😄❤

Finally Forgiven, Mostly Forgotten

Hard to do, forget. Not sure we always should as it warns not to do things that way again. So probably for the best, but sometimes we can forget a while and choose to decide not to remember. We can actively push it away until it becomes automatic. Of course there are triggers but we can choose to keep obsessing over it or send it packing. We choose this. Emotional people have more trouble getting to their choice through their emotion but the choice is there somewhere… dig til ya find it.

But today, I realized that I have finally forgiven a person and all persons involved in a past incident in my life. I am 100% at peace with it all, with them all. And the funny thing is that I really thought I was there already a couple of times before. I was not. I had said the words, thought the right thoughts but too much thinking about it remained, a desire to see what happened next, a will to know, a want to understand, a wish to see. Ever so faint but present nonetheless. And today, watching the grandbaby, seeing my kids in our home, hearing my husband practice guitar, thanking God for the blessings of my life, I thought nothing of this past experience. It would have been a passing caveat, a slight distraction of thought now and again, moreso after contemplation. My mind was finally quiet on the matter. Later, still quiet.

God works in different paces for different depths of pain. But if you keep humble and remain praying, especially if you can fast also, read your Bible, do what you know you should, don’t do what you shouldn’t, draw close to God, He will get you where you want to go in His timing and for your good.

All that being said, I am more ready today than ever for whatever God wants me to do. I am beyond the distraction. I am fully His. And my outlook is more His than it has ever been. And I praise God for doing what I could not do alone, as He has so many times. I owe Him everything and it is all His. I am so thankful. Praise God!!😄❤❤❤

Today I Reset

God blessed us with a rain day, a day off of PE. I am happy because my sinuses around my eyes are going nuts right now and I needed some time alone with God to just breathe. I had to reset. My mind has played some reruns and wrong channels lately and it was really getting me weighed down and feeling far from my Savior. So He gave me this morning off to get my heart into contrite mode and give everything to Him, confess and just repent. I told a friend about it. And God forgave me (as evidenced by the feeling of a smile and burden lifted) and we are back. And God is so precious and so good and loves us so much. I feel Him close and am so thankful and want to give Him glory for His love and grace and just compassion on us. He may be the only one in the world that loves me and that would be enough, all I ever need. He loves that well. 😄❤❤❤

The Gift of Forgiveness

Forgiving someone who has wronged you, from the past or immediately, is an immense trifold gift. It is a gift to God who made you both. It is a gift to the person, even if they are not sorry or don’t realize it or care. (That is the one gift most people don’t want to give for they don’t often deserve it in their eyes, but remember that forgiveness is based on mercy which can only be given when undeserved and in addition is the basis of how we will be forgiven.) And the third gift is to yourself. Forgiveness is freeing and releases you from anger and bitterness, even stagnation and depression. So forgive someone today and give three gifts at a time. You benefit from each of these gifts and God’s kingdom does also. It is a win- win- win. And if you forgive one person everyday, soon you will clean that space in your brain up in no time and enlarge room for more joy and peace to reside.❤

Eternity Time Perspective

It takes some people a lifetime to forgive themselves, much less other people. In stark contrast, it takes Jesus one second to forgive us when we humbly ask Him to. Us forever, Jesus one second. And even better than that, Jesus forgets it entirely. How cool is that?!?!❤