Benefits of Being Married Long Term to an Addict

Many people believe there is only negative in being married to an addict (it does not matter the addiction of choice- they all look the same ugly in a spouse and are all rooted in false beliefs, lies, sin and pride). There are many advantages and blessings. Some are the following:

1. Being humbled every day allows a contrite heart to flourish. It is next to impossible to feel like the center of anyone’s life or attention who already has their addiction as the center. Yes, the downside is that often even God and obedience comes after the addiction, but I am showing the positive and it is true that you cannot help but be humble when married to an addict. This helps a lot when working on contrition with the Lord. And that is a hurdle to faith most people really struggle with.

2. You depend on and trust in God only and that is very healthy spiritually. You cannot depend on the addict often but you realize quickly (because of the contrition mentioned earlier) that you can always depend on and trust in God.

3. You love truth. You realize that the addict, although in denial with lies and false beliefs, is riddled with guilt and fear all the time and lies like they breathe. This is so obvious and lies upon lies gets old. So you love truth. I read my Bible all the time, loving every word, every truth it is. You truly appreciate truth more than most do.

4. You accept and learn to be content in God. You appreciate everything good in life, really appreciate every blessing, every kind word, every word of encouragement, every friend who sticks around, every prayer where you feel God there with you. You appreciate more. You are thankful for a home with air conditioning, transportation, food, all those blessings people take for granted. You are content with unimportance. You are happy with every blessing and know full well that God is enough every day, every time, every moment.

5. You develop a thick chin. You realize that what God says about you is the truth and are thankful for it. You realize the truth is not in the accusations and put downs and anger/rages that always accompany the adddictions because of their nature and guilt and fear. You realize that God lovingly made you and sleep alone for years or not, you are beautiful inside, God lovingly made and gifted you. You are incredibly beautiful because God’s glory shines through you. So beautiful!

6. Forgiveness comes easily. You have to forgive so much and are humbled and contrite that forgiveness comes super easily. You have to forgive to survive. You forgive because you love. And you forgive because God forgave you and you want to be forgiven and have your prayers answered.

7. Greater faith in God. You rely on God for every encouragement, every good thing, every solution to every abuse, every emotional anything, healing when stress is getting to you, every comfort when lonely, everything. This is invaluable in a walk with the Lord and makes us closer. And heaven will be so much more beautiful!

8. You show them God’s true love. When you stay with an addict, you have the chance to show them love. In fact, the act of staying married to the addict is the strongest show of love along with the forgiveness. Love is patient, kind, self-sacrificing, humble, real, truthful, joyful, peaceful, faithful (even if they are not), etc. We are responsible for how we love. And love is purely beautiful.

9. You are in obedience to God. God hates divorce and if it can possibly be avoided, it should be. There are many blessings and rewards for obedience to God.

I hope you understand better the blessings involved in being and staying married long term to an addict. No one is perfect except Jesus. Staying married is your choice I would say largely because of these blessings and love. And God’s love is the greatest force I know.❤

Advertisements

Addiction to Lies

I have many people in my friends and family, grew up with and presently that are addicts. I used to believe that they were addicted to the gluttony of food, drugs, pornography, overwork, alcohol, sometimes many of those. I have lived around it all my life. At first, I thought that was just how everyone is. I adopted a lifestyle of addiction also. But God got a hold of me, I firmly believe because of my older generation’s consistent prayers. God changed my heart and life and cleaned me up entirely. And I live for Him with no addiction whatsoever. God redeems. And He has shown me that any addiction is not actually to the drug of choice or even the gluttony. All addictions are idols, they are addictions to lies and running to things other than God to help them. Addictions are false gods. And these false gods, who are evil, demand your allegience, your obedience, your possessions, your full attention, sacrifice. Whereas God wants you to choose Him and blesses every effort along the way when we do. God wants relationship with us. The false god of addiction demands up to and sometimes includes your life, while keeping you hungry and only momentarily satisfying anything you truly want n in your soul. God is truth and the false demonic god of addiction is lies. And addicts lie like you would not believe. Denial lies are their power source, and who is the father of lies? So, I pray for my addicted loved ones and speak truth whenever I can. I cannot save these people but I know that God can and if I can help them in their illness, I will. And I thank God for salvation from addiction and for having the opportunity to trusting and rely on Him only. He is truth and I love Him dearly.❤

When People Prefer their Addictions to Loved Ones

Addictions are being labeled as a disease now. Of course, that is the people who do not have addictions label it a disease. People with the addictions say people without addictions are “holier than thou” (and I swear if I hear that one more time I will lose it), overreacting, judgmental (and other favorite), and making a big deal out of nothing. They justify and validate their repetitive horrible choice every time they pick up the porn pad or phone or Internet or YouTube with that adulterous filth on it or pick up that drug or lift that glass of alcohol or start another game medium or work that extra shift or lift that spoon up with way too much food, sign in to facebook, whatever the addiction of choice is. And you see, they really are not innocent vices. They damage relationships. Addicts prefer to believe the lie that all is well and escape into their addictions rather than ever confront the pain they initially needed an escape from. It is pathetic. But what is worse, it is a disease they do not admit to having so often never get help for. If they wanted to quit, they would at least admit they had something they needed to quit. They are deluded and steeped in denial and lies that they are not hurting anyone else. Another lie. They break trust with those closest to them. They betray everyone. They lie to everyone and not just themselves. They hide and lie when caught. They attack you because of the immense guilt and shame they carry at their weakness and sin, not realizing that those who love them and of course God are easy and ready to forgive and help. It is a lonely life to love an addict and you wonder sometimes how vast the lie web is and that no one but God and His truth can ever set them free. And here is the frustration. Every moment left alon, they are breaking your trust all over again. Then they wonder why you are ever suspicious of them. Only a bad hypocritical person would ever question my honesty is their angry argument. Only a nosy “self-righteous” snoop would care that all my passwords are never shared or their are locks on everything or whatever it is. Only a moron would question my honesty when I repeatedly lie to them. And moment by moment the lies upon lies are mocking God who sees everything and flipping off those who love unconditionally the shackled one they want to see free in Christ. No one wants to see someone they love miss out on the rapture or heaven because they choose some sin over God’s loving healing. It is so easy to be set free, the lies that seem so strong are really so very brittle against God’s love and truth. It is only one step to God, which is the opposite of the lie Satan provides so excessively. God is stronger than any stronghold. He is one step away from any of us at any given time… one humble prayer is that step. They whoosh, watch Him work.❤

Control Freaks

I gotta admit that in my previous life B.C. (before Christ) I was all about control, and not necessarily myself. I had about certain way I thought my life and those I loved and society at large should be and worked agressively to get there and live up to that expectation. I always tried to be good and moral as I was raised and wanted good for everyone, which is lovely, but tried to force everyone into how I thought it should be good. Strange, I know, but nonetheless, people will always do what they want or decide to do no matter how much you want them to do something else. Porn addicts will remain so until they decide not to be controlled by those evil urges anymore. Alcoholics will continue to drink until they decide not to be controlled by that evil (for them) substance anymore. Same with drug addicts or workaholics or food addicts, etc. No one can control another person. At least not for long. Nor is it healthy. Unless it is their decision, they will keep doing it. Real/God’s love and gentleness may pull them out or at least get them to listen but they still have to make the choice. They may respect you enough to not do it in front of you or become or attempt to become sneaker about it but they will keep doing it. It is their own attempt at control, which is ironic and the lie because they are actually giving up control to the thing addicted to. They want control and have accepted the lie as truth that the addiction gets them there. It never ever ever ever will. In fact, it keeps them from a deep bond with God who loves them no matter what and is actually strong enough and willing to help. So stop trying to control or change anyone but yourself and just accept them as they are and heap love on them or decide to reject their behavior and leave. Quit whining and make a decision and do it. I control very little except myself internally and even that I defer to God most of the time. And I am content, at peace, full of joy. Yes, I am very tired often for being second to a disgusting addiction, going with unmet needs often, and if I think fleshly and emotionally, I can become despondent and forlorn. But in my Spirit, as I read my Bible and pray and keep giving everything to God, He continues to comfort me and love me and provide. God is that big and loving. What a great comfort that is!!!! ❤ 

Faith Contemplations

So, I had a very interesting conversation with Dad today. We are so very blessed to have him in our life still and his speech coming back after this whammy of a stroke. Thank you, God, for that! Anyway, we were talking about his concern for someone who is still smoking through her pregnancy and I mentioned that it is hard for me to understand when people quit during their pregnancy and the start up again after the baby’s born. I said that I would think if you quit for 9 months, it would be easy to just stay that way. I say all that back story to tell you my wise Father’s reply. Dramatic pause… … … “They never quit. They just didn’t smoke for 9 months.” The words have been running around in my head. “They didn’t quit.” And the Lord took me back in my mind to when I went skydiving for the first time. I had prepared, taken the class, suited up and gotten into the plane, secured to the instructor for a tandem dive. Then the time came to jump and I could not make myself at all jump out of that plane. I had the worst ride of my life down from there and the spiraling G-turns down (they do to conserve fuel) left me sick and ashamed for weeks. And I thought, “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let go and jump.” And I thought to myself, it is all about faith. The lack of being able to put down the addiction, the self-medication of any variety (porn, hatred, games, revenge, unforgiveness, drugs, alcohol, whatever) and just jump out of the plane and free fall into the unknown is harder than most can handle and they have the sickness and shame I experienced as a result and are robbed of peace and joy as a result. Faith is leaving the safety of the plane and jumping into an unknown sky. Which, by the way, I did on my second attempt. I again suited up, prepared, geared up, attached to the instructor and got into the plane. And when it was time and I looked down and couldn’t even see the ground, I panicked and almost refused but I remembered that the plane wasn’t really safe like I thought and was full of sickness and shame and I braced myself and jumped. That jump was freedom and adrenaline and the greatest thrill of my life (until my babies were potty trained) and something I never would have experienced if I had stayed in the false “safety” of the plane. Truth is what I am sharing here… deep truth. As followers of Christ, God requires, not hints, that we jump into the unknown and leave the false safety of the world and its physical addictions and self-medications and subsequent spiritual bondage and jump into faith, becoming free in Him to enjoy His love and peace and joy to an end you cannot conceive of, how great it is! These are discoveries awaiting you as you let go of the devil you know and put your faith in the God who knows you and loves you extraordinarily. Just a thought.