Benefits of Being Married Long Term to an Addict

Many people believe there is only negative in being married to an addict (it does not matter the addiction of choice- they all look the same ugly in a spouse and are all rooted in false beliefs, lies, sin and pride). There are many advantages and blessings. Some are the following:

1. Being humbled every day allows a contrite heart to flourish. It is next to impossible to feel like the center of anyone’s life or attention who already has their addiction as the center. Yes, the downside is that often even God and obedience comes after the addiction, but I am showing the positive and it is true that you cannot help but be humble when married to an addict. This helps a lot when working on contrition with the Lord. And that is a hurdle to faith most people really struggle with.

2. You depend on and trust in God only and that is very healthy spiritually. You cannot depend on the addict often but you realize quickly (because of the contrition mentioned earlier) that you can always depend on and trust in God.

3. You love truth. You realize that the addict, although in denial with lies and false beliefs, is riddled with guilt and fear all the time and lies like they breathe. This is so obvious and lies upon lies gets old. So you love truth. I read my Bible all the time, loving every word, every truth it is. You truly appreciate truth more than most do.

4. You accept and learn to be content in God. You appreciate everything good in life, really appreciate every blessing, every kind word, every word of encouragement, every friend who sticks around, every prayer where you feel God there with you. You appreciate more. You are thankful for a home with air conditioning, transportation, food, all those blessings people take for granted. You are content with unimportance. You are happy with every blessing and know full well that God is enough every day, every time, every moment.

5. You develop a thick chin. You realize that what God says about you is the truth and are thankful for it. You realize the truth is not in the accusations and put downs and anger/rages that always accompany the adddictions because of their nature and guilt and fear. You realize that God lovingly made you and sleep alone for years or not, you are beautiful inside, God lovingly made and gifted you. You are incredibly beautiful because God’s glory shines through you. So beautiful!

6. Forgiveness comes easily. You have to forgive so much and are humbled and contrite that forgiveness comes super easily. You have to forgive to survive. You forgive because you love. And you forgive because God forgave you and you want to be forgiven and have your prayers answered.

7. Greater faith in God. You rely on God for every encouragement, every good thing, every solution to every abuse, every emotional anything, healing when stress is getting to you, every comfort when lonely, everything. This is invaluable in a walk with the Lord and makes us closer. And heaven will be so much more beautiful!

8. You show them God’s true love. When you stay with an addict, you have the chance to show them love. In fact, the act of staying married to the addict is the strongest show of love along with the forgiveness. Love is patient, kind, self-sacrificing, humble, real, truthful, joyful, peaceful, faithful (even if they are not), etc. We are responsible for how we love. And love is purely beautiful.

9. You are in obedience to God. God hates divorce and if it can possibly be avoided, it should be. There are many blessings and rewards for obedience to God.

I hope you understand better the blessings involved in being and staying married long term to an addict. No one is perfect except Jesus. Staying married is your choice I would say largely because of these blessings and love. And God’s love is the greatest force I know.❤

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Single Discouragement/Spouse Desperation and Jesus

I have friends who are single with God. Either this is on purpose, as is the case with our nephew who became a Jesuit priest, or unwillingly because they have never been asked to marry, never met the right person. And this latter group is who I am addressing. When you have the Lord and stay close to Him, God is RI her in comfort and understanding and much more unconditional in love than any man or woman and you are really blessed. It is easy to see what you think other people have b in a spouse, but in my experience, living with a spouse is very lonely. They want you to be what they want, take care of them, do everything their way, disregard your own needs in strong favor of theirs. And my husband has never slept in our bedroom, preferring n the couch. I used to cry a lot. He preferred gawking at prostitutes online to looking lovingly at me and that also made me cry and discouraged me. And guys are never the gentlemen they appear to be when they are dating you and trying to win your hand. It is a deception, in my experience. There is good too, a lot of it, like him paying the bills and taking us to dinner and allowing me to homeschool the kids at home. But I am making a real point here. You can not only be lonely in marriage but you can be lonelier. Sure you have a companion, but it is on their terms. So the key to joy in life is not a spouse, it is closeness to God. A relationship with Jesus trumps everything and makes married life worthwhile and peaceful as well as makes singleness worthwhile and peaceful. Thr closeness to Jesus is most definitely our only hope and what makes all of life beautiful and prepares us for eternal life with Him. So stop searching for another person to make you successful and happy and trust in Jesus and draw close to Him for joy and success and the highest worth.❤

Tonight I Danced

I went with my husband to watch his other band play. He is filling in on guitar with our old band when they need him. And instead of sitting all night enjoying the songs, I danced. I danced alone every fast dance and sat down for the slow ones because that is weird. Lol But I had a ball. I appreciated the music by participating in it. No watching here. Life requires dancing. I had so much fun! And here is the advice. Get out there and dance. You will feel amazing. And my husband enjoyed my dancing a lot more than just my clapping after every song, which I did anyway. Cheer on your spouse. Participate with your spouse. Take the energy to make it memorable for them and enjoyable for you both. So worth it!❤

Appreciating My Musician Husband

Let me just tell you. My husband has a gig tomorrow, pinch hitting for a guitarist in our old band at Old Town. And I am sitting here listening to him practice. He is so good. I have such an appreciation for his musicianship. It is how we met, why I fell in love with him, why we still have a band together and why we are still together appreciating each other. It is fantastic to share a hobby with your spouse, especially one which resonates so deeply within our souls. God knows what He is doing. ❤

A Selfish Spouse

Our band brother was a passionate, wonderful drummer who loved drumming and was great to work with, our friend for 8 years. He married a selfish, narcissistic woman who made him quit the two bands he was in with us, church band and our band, and made him quit our church and disassociate with all of us. Recently, I found out she also made him sell all his drum kit too, and I am certain that was his therapy in dealing with her and life in general. This is an extreme example of a selfish spouse. She doesn’t want a life partner nearly as much as a servant or slave for life. It is pathetic and horrible and definitely not God’s design for marriage. In fact, masters are not even supposed to treat their servants so poorly. Ok, so I am writing this for two reasons. Wil, if you are out there, we all in your band family feel your pain and love you and believe in you both as a person and a great drummer. And people, when you marry, know that the other person matters as much as you do. You are to share love and respect and honor and support each other. Build each other up and not put them down, most especially their God given gifts because you will be punished for doing so. Love each other as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. This self-sacrifice (not self-ishness) characterizes a true Christian. ❤ 

Compelled to Pray

Several times this month, I have been compelled to wake up or stay up and pray for my husband. I believe there is a strong spiritual war waged against him mostly but through him the family. Tonight I am still up and just finished praying for him at 3am, so I believe this counts as a sleep fast. I am giving up precious sleep because my husband needs prayer. I believe the enemy attacks men most, as they are the head of the family. I will not go down without a fight and I fight the very best way… humble, fervent prayer. I pray this way for my family and country and lost souls. But lately Satan is going for the jugular and attacking families left and right and focusing on the man. It is horrible and I will not have it. Every time I am awaken by the Holy Spirit that my husband is under attack or willingly putting himself in harm’s way, I will continue to rise up and do a sleep fast and pray. I will trust God for energy tomorrow or rest in heaven when I get there. A woman’s gotta do what and woman’s gotta do. And this woman will pray.❤

New Year’s Eve

Our band is gigging for NYE this year, like every year, our biggest pay night of the year. It is a blast and I love bringing in the year with happy, dancing, rejoicing people because of familiar music from our band family. This year is different than last because one band family member was list to controlling manipulative wife. Whereas we were very sad to lose him, we were glad to lose her for she was a pain in the butt since day one. She is the reason we interview wives when adding new band family members now. Lol So, we miss him because we love him but not having her will definitely make this New Year’s Eve so much funner (is that a word? Lol). So I am looking forward to a more enjoyable bringing in of the year, this mixed bag that it is. But here is the point. Life and New Year’s Eves are what you make of them to a point. The company you choose is vitally important though because one evil cold hearted grump in the bunch can cause much distress. Better to be without such a person if you are wanting to live a happy life or have a happy evening. Also, spouses should be supportive at all costs and not cold and selfish, thinking only of themselves. Keeping your spouse from doing something they love that benefits others and brings in money is selfish and dead wrong. Spouses should support each other and encourage them. It is ahndndnd reminder to me seeing a wife being so extremely bad at it that I need to be more supportive of mine. It is also a great reminder to be a source of joy where you go and not drag people down. Put on a happy face and go and enjoy! Should be an amazing New Year’s Eve gig!! Looking forward to it a lot! Have a happy and safe New Year!!! God bless you!!!! 🙂