We brought thr New Year in yesterday with a day of music, dancing, joy, laughter and mourning. Yes, there was mourning as well. My dear Uncle Nick passed into heaven in the morning. My dear, sweet friend’s Granny passed also. So the mourning is for the loss of them on this earth, even though we know there is joy in their presence in Heaven with Jesus. We will miss them. But Newness of the year was celebrated, as the show must go on and many were joyful because of our music and work. So change was a part of the start of the year on its onset. And my hope is that God is always prominent in all we do so we keep Him closer than ever in the forefront of our being. Then whatever tides roll and shift, we are secure in the closeness to Him who is bigger than it all.❤❤❤
It never ceases to amaze me how much life changes. In love, out of love, in love and married, disaster hits, divorce, in love and married, changing times. And that is just one topic.
Maturing physically then maturing spiritually then blowing both and restarting and in and out of churches and roles in them and that is just one more topic.
No kids then one kid then another comes along and they grow then I am homeschooling them and have them 24/7 as they keep growing and changing and that is just one topic.
It goes on and on and these things and growing and maturing and changing goes on all at the same time. And in the middle somewhere is trying hard not to just survive but to also do music and write and heal and share faith as gifted to allow God to work through me as He made me to do. And the new reality of life looks so very different than it did even three years ago. Just so different. People come and go from life- key people you thought were staples of existence- just leave. New people arrive and old relationships are restored. Forgiveness happens. Amazingly, God keeps up with all the changes and keeps loving and helping and protecting us all. Incredible. And I am realizing the greatness applied from God is so very real in this skin, in this home, in this church, in this city. And God is not a powerful entity far from us in space somewhere, moody and irrational and distant unless we do exactly what He demands. He is right here, right now, loving and pulling us to Him for rest and comfort and peace and safety and never surprised by anything but ever eager for our choice to be to love Him back. How I love Him! ❤
In the last year, I have gone through such a radical journey in my mind, it is difficult to remember who I was before this force-fed maturity. Lol I was this free-spirited, laughter – loving, self-sufficient woman with a firmly decisive view on life and how to live it. Having been through a series of losses and illness and caretaking and deaths, I careened into a cycle of falling apart and humbling myself, something no doubt long overdue in my life, but with more tears thrown in there than I have ever cried before in the entirety of my life. I was broken. I was damaged. I was lost for a bit. It was ugly because I felt truly alone inside, even with my living kids and husband who rallied to love me and a few amazing friends of new and old. And I tell you not for one minute did God ever give up on me or refuse to comfort every breakdown in tears. And I gradually started to get it. I started to see how this smart doctor really needed this series of events to appreciate simplicity and know God better and be humbled enough to grow as a woman into a deeper love of God. I am on Twitter and blog and cannot help but share God with everyone. He is so good. I know and understand this first hand. He resaved this little girl. I am nothing without His love and loving grace interference. I am so thankful that He rescued me from the mire of self-pity and depression I was falling into and restored His gift of laughter to me and seconded that gift with a new superpower: empathy. It is a heavy gift but a beautiful one because I am so much more connected with people around me and before I was always so weird and a bit, well, aloof, when it came to emotions. I saw them as weakness and now I see they have purpose and strength when utilized to help and comfort and release. There is and new me in here and most of this journey quite frankly occurred in my mind. I believe our journeys occur in our minds and hearts primarily and our physical manifestation is a long time coming, an ordeal of many years of internal devotion. This is why it is so important to keep our minds focused on Jesus Christ and His Word. This is why I often put scripture on Twitter and my blogs. This is why I read it and load up on Truth and teach my kids. We have to worship God with our minds and hearts before we can ever expect to serve Him and mankind with our lives. Our actions result from the ambitions and meanderings and obsessions of our minds and hearts. From this, we act. And God sees and looks at the heart and mind. He knows us better than anyone, having lovingly designed us and all, and He will judge our motivations first and foremost and actions second. It is impertinent we keep a clean house of our mind and heart. This journey is first of the mind. We must think and feel God and Truth and Light and keep feeding on these healthy things. This journey may be hard and arduous but if we use the right tools of God’s Word, prayer, humility, self-control, it will seem shorter, easier, more peaceful and joyful. ❤
1. The sun has set on our days in the church’s worship band. 2. My niece is getting married soon. 3. My son’s dad finally took to heart that he needs to spend quality time without his psycho wife and her drama. 4. My son’s team will be in the field at Tiger Stadium Saturday, April 8th. 5. I go whole days now without crying about the loved ones I miss. 6. We are going to start work on installing a pantry where a closet was.
So, all these changes going on, which are many, I feel more alive and so blessed and happy. I am not the type of person who can maintain morale while living the exact same routine over and over and over… I was feeling like a robot, and with these changes, I feel alive and new again. Everyone is so different and I yearn for change and surprise. And I really look forward to having some extra time to work on original music and learn the complex keyboard my husband gave me. It is quite intense and I need to figure it out and master it. Change is so good. I embrace it and am excited about life, looking forward also to home improvements and an actual pantry. So life moves on on this journey and I am a happy soul. God knows what we need and I love Him so much.
Tomorrow, our band plays an oldies rock and roll gig at the Hard Rock Hotel, a black tie thingy. And we look forward to this standing gig every year. And that got me thinking. Last year, I was a different person with different focus and different mindset. We had a different Drummer, no longer with us now. I had Daddy still with us and I was helping in his care so the gig was like a vacation. My husband and I had a strained relationship for all the time I spent caring for dad and his stress over working. The kids were a year younger. This year, I go into the gig differently. My voice is stronger. We have a new Drummer (whose wife is not psycho, thank God, so less stress). Daddy lives in Heaven now. My kids are older. My husband is now retired. His and my relationship is strong now and peaceful. The kids are older. I am stronger and wiser for having gone through all that. And I have to say that this gig is such a vastly better proposition and I am looking forward to it very much. It is always wonderful to play a great event at a beautiful place and now the stress level is way way below market value. And whatever happens in the world, this GS are better internally in me because of God and He is still in charge of everything. And I thank God for the gig and the setting and the peace in my life. I thank God for my family and our life, our country and the ability to still make music.
Changes happen. They happen a lot. Sometimes for a little bit these changes are inconvenient or horrifying or some are small. But after prayer, growth and time, these changes are always for the best to grow and change and improve us into a newer, improved life. We are taken by surprise by some of these changes because we have a habit of going about life as if nothing would change. We walk around like we’re incapable of meeting with sudden changes, for good or bad. We take for granted our strength and blow off our fragility. We have both. We are very vulnerable. But we need not live in fear of change, we must set out souls up for the possibility of it and start looking immediately for the good benefit it can produce down the line. That is optimistic flexibility and is essential for a happy life that doesn’t fall apart at every change encountered. And the biggest source of help for this way of thinking is of course God because of both His great love for us and His knowledge and power. When living in prayer, He helps us live unwavering lives despite any changes we encounter. Change is good. It may or may not look good at the time, but I assure you our new life after the change has worn off, if prayerful and optimistically flexible, will be improved and richer.
Focusing on what we hope for as human beings, what we feel, what emotions we express and flow from, there is a great deal that we believe will make us happy. In time, these things may change because of environmental factors or changing of minds of other parties involved or time or even those emotions. And these changes can be sudden and life altering, in my experience. And for a bit, devastating, because when you put your heart on something and believe in it and it is part of you, when it is suddenly removed, hope disappears for a while and the change feels overwhelming and very difficult to process. But what I have found, also in my experience, is not the corny overused statement that “When God closes a door, He opens a window”. I mean, who wants to jump through a window, and if you even can depends a lot on the size of the window. So ignoring that annoying phrase, I have found that God directs our path. There are no accidents. There are no changes that He does not authorize. He knows everything. He is God, isn’t He? Kind of a prerequisite. So, when there are these sudden, disruptive, hope crushing, heart wrenching changes inflicted upon us, our amazing God of the universe and my life always produces a new beginning. That, He reminds me, is just that phase of life, albeit wonderful and meaningful and feeling, it is always with Him a new beginning. He can give a new hope. One that lifts your spirits back up again, one that builds you back from the blow, one that begins a new phase of worship or service or just life. He provides a new rest for your soul from unrest felt. He provides a new ageless hope of heaven in place of hope on a circumstance or person. He provides joy just after you swore you would never smile or laugh again. God does all that. No one else is God so no one else can do what He does. No one else even wants to. lol So, in the face of a sudden shocking blow, prepare your mind and heart to feel His beckoning you on to a beautiful new beginning. It can only go up from rock bottom. And there is no limit to the up.