Today, my family and mom spent a great morning opening presents and eating a great meal. Everyone was doing good and the kids were doing great. We finished our game and chocolate conspicuously at the same time, ahem, and mom went home to nap. The kids and I watched half of a new movie while my husband also napped. All good, all going beautifully.
Enter the blended family drama. We went then after the nap to deliver presents to the grandkids, the ones we rarely ever see. And our grand daughter was acting out of character and I realized how much she has on her shoulders at just 4 years of age. Her mom cheated on her dad and they are divorcing and the new couple are together with a new baby and her dad is now with a new girlfriend and there are 4 languages spoken around her and the mom and grandma have a co-defendant relationship and happen to live right next to each other and whew, I am drained just thinking about all that. And I realized how difficult blended families are and much more acutely, how much sin effects children. They have no choice in the matter. There is no norm because they are trying to learn life but they know it is not right somehow. And nobody calling out bad behavior compounds that, no consistency compounds that, no Godly principles compounds that. So when I was asked to finally be involved and teach her piano, I jumped at it. Hey, I am stable. I am faithful to Godly principles. I can love her and be consistent with rewards and punishments and be a rock in her ever-shifting seas. Blended families are full of challenges but with God, there is hope and help and instruction as to how to navigate life. Hope, a beautiful word.❤
I tell you, my ex was $3,500 in the hole on child support before I finally took him to court. The judge did not like him one bit. His smooth talk did not flatter her. His excuses were not appreciated by her. She ordered him to give a form to his employee to garnish his wages. He quit that job a week later. And had a good job and just quit again recently. See, he doesn’t really like to work. And here is the comedy part… he thinks work is beneath him. He thinks he is charming enough for people to pay him for his presence. Bahaha. But the thing is, my son has to see this and has to wait sometimes for things he needs. Thank God for my husband who loves him and helps with things he needs. I appreciate so much a an who will help with my son. It shows love to me that he is willing to step up and be the responsible father my ex does not seem capable of being. Nowadays, most kids are in marriages with step parents. Ideally, the parents stay together, but we are imperfect and sometimes cannot. It is so important before you remarry if you do choose to remarry that you take into consideration the love the stepdad has for your child/children you already have. And look how he treats his own kids if he has them. It is so n important your kids feel loved as much as you do. They can’t help it and already received soaking up and learning how to treat their future kids by the example shown them. That is never something to be taken lightly. Just a thought.
My ex-husband remarried a little girl that seems hell bent on torturing my son psychologically. She has 3 “perfect” boys of her own and her husband, my ex-husband, seems more another of her controlled boys as opposed to a man she respects and honors. My son represents me, I guess, who was married to her husband for 10 years, and I am detested for that reason and so my son is detested because of me, I guess. I have spoken with this little girl and tried to speak with her and will never do so again unless it is to say yes or no. Anyone who knows me realizes the significance of that. My ex I speak with civilly about our son’s care, education, upbringing, etc. and all is well there. He is a good man. The problem is her. She says God tells her my son is lying or stealing (and he isn’t)- coo coo! Zach doesn’t want to go there because he is always mistreated, called names, falsely accused, etc. by her and her “perfect” boys. So, why air all this dirty laundry to the world? Because many many people are in the same boat. Blended families can be difficult. Can be was light. They are difficult. But they hit the kids the hardest. Here is the thing. We must be the loving grown ups in their lives. We must make their lives as great as we can, as meaningful as possible, as stress free as possible. We are their safety and security in an increasingly crazy and dark world. Our children are the future, our future, America’s future, God’s kingdom’s future. We must get past our ignorance, pettiness, ugliness, unforgiveness and make it right for these precious children or by golly, we will pay for it now and later. Get the freak over yourself and do what is right for the children. I don’t care what you think about individuals involved, do what is right for the children. It doesn’t matter if you love who your ex chose to marry. It really doesn’t. What matters is that they are happy and that the children are treated lovingly by all involved. Rise above any inclinations you may have to take anything out on the children. Be a grown up and get over yourself. Woman/Man up. Children’s well being depends upon it.
Not one single person on earth is flawless. However, every single one of us has a delightful mutual Creator. He made each person on the planet, including every person He put in your family. All of us have damage in our lives. Some have a little fresher damage and blending families where everyone has a similar reason for damage but different ways of expressing or feeling that is the challenge. However, the hope is that whatever has happened up to this point in our lives, God has deemed fit that we should be a family together. And how do you overcome these hurdles? By remembering that we are all made purposefully by our Creator and that we are each and every one worthy of respect and compassion and care. The parents must lead the way in setting this example of mutual respect. To do that, we get ourselves right with God and healed and love people the way God loves us to the best of our ability. That means first and foremost forgiveness, even if it isn’t asked, even if it isn’t wanted. We must start by forgiving the exes and ourselves. Everything else builds on that key step. After that, as we walk the way of Love, loving others is easy because we ourselves know how very loved we are and how very much each of us are loved by our mutual Creator.