If you are going to say something, please be are you mean it. I have been mentally cataloging the sins I have committed against other people, and my greatest crime has always been flippant with words. Sometimes, I have lied (I do my best not to now at all), sometimes I have joked at someone’s expense, sometimes I have said the truth in a jerky way, often I have said the wrong thing and offended someone. And it kills me because I cannot undo that and it is people I cannot apologize to because I can’t find them or no one knows where they went, etc. And it is way too many people to find anyway. And I know I will be accountable on judgment day for every careless word I have uttered and every lie I have told. So I am broadcasting this apology to anyone I ever hurt or lied to with my words. (Shawn, please post this on Facebook.) “I am truly from the bottom of my heart sorry for any careless, hurtful or lying word I have ever uttered to you. I am sorry. Please forgive me.” And now it takes me a minute to speak. I am making it a point to think first instead of prattle on at breakneck speed. I have learned to be wiser from God and have felt this conviction. Truth has been my theme for quite a while, the theme of my blog, but I was forgetting to beg forgiveness for my past where truth and flippant comments were unfortunately a part of my everyday life. It is not so now, God has changed me, but I need to apologize for any harm my words brought to another. And please understand the power of our words. They have the power to harm so deeply and fortunately also the power to heal and restore and forgive and encourage. Use them wisely for God’s worship and nd advancement. I am doing my best too right alongside you. ❤
At band practice tonight, I was joking around with a new girl and heard the bandleader say we would do the verse and chorus. Well, we were playing and those of us on this side played the verse and the chorus but on the other side of the stage (where my husband was) they played something else and without thinking I yelled over, “He said the verse and chorus so I was right.” Well, that was the wrong thing to say, especially while still laughing about something else that was said. So my husband felt disrespected and was fuming the rest of the night and went to bed early mad. So here is a confession of insensitivity to publicly say I was wrong and to show how even people who mean well make mistakes when they blurt things out without thinking. Case in point, we brought a friend to church who does not go with his parents and while there the preacher’s kid teased him and name called about his size. Needless to say, she probably thought she was funny but she totally alienated our friend to church and maybe more. The things we say, especially when joking or sleepy or off guard, well they count. They matter and people can get wounded by them. So, honey, I am very sorry for my rudeness and insensitivity. Please forgive me. And God, please help me with keeping my mouth closed.
God blessed me with an enormous heart capable of great love and this indomitable spirit that has been tested many many times but has gotten stronger, all by God’s grace. But I still screw up. I blow it completely. I say the wrong thing, am way too transparent (because I wish everyone else would be), say too much when I should leave it alone, will fight for those I love dearly, even if they don’t want me too and I love people with extraordinary and difficult lives because I relate and understand. I come on too strong sometimes. So, my screwing up capabilities are enormous and very very real and present. But underneath, I have a heart of solid gold and intentions to love and uplift and help and heal because God loves me and fills my heart up so big. So I am sorry when I screw up. I never mean to, it is never intentional. But there it is. I am a firm believer that God sees and knows my heart, everyone’s in fact. And I am so very thankful for that. I keep trying to do better with people.
I am not proud. I am humble. More so than I ever thought possible. So I need to apologize to my reader for showing that negative side of the coin. I am told that is normal when grieving, especially when compounded with menopause, but I hold myself to a different standard than normal. I am not normal. I am happily weird. So, in my weirdness and humbleness, I am apologizing for giving in to a sort of hopeless anger for a minute and I realize a lot of times I play more emotion than sense lately. And further, I realize that God causes all things to happen for a reason. And when bad human choices are made against His wishes, He having given us free will and all, He does still cause the very best results to happen for us, His children when we ask humbly. So I pause right now and ask forgiveness for being to harsh on a good friend who happened to make what seems to me to be a very bad choice to many many people’s detriment. That is just what I felt at the moment and in no way does that reflect judgment as only God judges a person’s heart and I myself are flawed majorly. So I am sorry for dwelling in my momentary anger and not in God’s designs for fixing it all for the best of everyone. God can do anything. He is in charge. He knows what is best and He will do it and I will humbly ask again. God is so good. I am so not. So I defer to Him. Forgive me. Praise Him!
Sometime, a lot lately, I get it wrong. I was focused on my sadness at circumstances ces beyond anyone’s control and fixated on that. And here, under the weight of it all, I focused on me and my emotional of the moment. Who!e emotions are valid, they are not an excuse to not see my friend in need and be there. Sadness in myself is not an excuse for me to be inhumane. I am still responsible for my love. So, I am truly sorry, friend, I focused too much on myself at the moment and neglected you. And I also negated seeing my Father God in the emotions too. He is there, always and forever and comforts us when we ask Him and never leaves us alone. We need other arms but He provides that too. He provides everything in His timing for His glory and our best. That is truth. That is all.