The Love That Changes People

God has the love that changes people. His love is pure and powerful and passionate, consistent, joyful, kind, generous, self-sacrificing, self-controlled, gentle, considerate, etc. We cannot love people into change without being saved by God and close to Him. God’s love changes lives. We can only change ourselves and help each other by being a conduit of God’s love.πŸ˜ƒβ€οΈ

Bandages in Recovery

Ending my addiction was a great gift of mercy and grace from God. I was blessed in my life to have loving people who prayed for me regularly and God answered their faithful prayers. I feel it is a gift every day to be in recovery.

However, it is not easy. I made tons of messes along the way while I was busy being a selfish addict- which all addicts are- and bandages have to be ready to apply all the time. God forgave me and I have recently also forgiven me. But, I made many bad choices that people are not so easy to forgive because they seriously hurt them. I have to try to heal relationships with my kids for one. I have given them years of bad parenting- I did my best and tried to love them but was a secret selfish addict and that always affects innocent children for years. Trying to do my best now is hard because I am not sure how to do all this while feeling everything. I have come a long way but have very far to go. I need a lot of bandaids ready at a moment’s notice and hope and am praying that my kids don’t take up addictions to temporarily mask their pain. They never last long and God is a much better, healing choice for true freedom.

I have to give myself grace while feeling very alone. My saving grace is having a relationship with the Lord. I trust Him and He takes care of me. I am trying to figure out how to do things. So I keep putting on bandaids and pray for God’s deep healing in their lives and mine as we keep going in recovery. Praise God! I am so thankful to be in recovery! God is so good!πŸ˜ƒβ€οΈ

God is Lifting Me Up

I mentioned that I have been going through what some call a dark night of the soul, a horrible murkiness of mind and lethargy of body and will for no apparent reason- only God knows it. It was almost like a depression but not triggered by anything in my awareness.

In my past life and active addiction I would have covered that discomfort with stimulants that supress any bad feelings. Here in recovery, I feel everything and appreciate everything. Should I only praise and thank God when everything is going well? I am happy to feel things, even not always knowing what to do with that. I am happy to feel, even if it bad. I am long overdo.

But recently, God has been lifting me up from that murkiness. I have had headaches and allergic reactions but have walked more with the dog for both our sakes. And I have decided to do some pruning of my plants while God is pruning what He must in me and I have cried while I pruned- very therapeutic- and worked on sewing myself a quilted purse. And it comes and goes but I feel a fog slowly and trepidly lifting. I have hope of being out of it altogether soon. And God was with me all the while. We talked a lot. I worshiped a lot. I am thankful. Whatever happens, we do it together. Praise God!πŸ˜ƒβ€οΈ

Living Out Loud but Suffering in Silence

My grandma used to tell me to share the good with everyone but only share the bad with God. This is wisdom. I tend to live out loud- every personality test has me as extraverted as you can get. I process out loud. I reason out loud. I debate out loud on the spot. I worship out loud. But I tend to suffer in silence. This is why I blog. I can convey things I cannot convey out loud. But today, I realized I have not obeyed the second half of my grandma’s wisdom. Share the bad only with God. I need to work on that and work mostly on sharing it with God right away. I carry it too long, some wretched ego still at play. I lay it now at my Father God’s feet. I ask Him to lighten my load and murkiness and dance with me. I rested in Him today and I praise Him and thank Him for reminding me of grandma’s words and His capability and faithfulness to carry my burdens and hear my voice of sorrow and replace it with joy and peace. I am very thankful!πŸ˜ƒβ€οΈ