Beautiful Recovery

We are all in one of three conditions:

1. In need of recovery,

2. In recovery, or

3. Through recovery.

This recovery may be something such as lying, porn involvement/adultery, alcoholism, anorexia, bulemia, drug addiction, gossip, murder, judgmentalism, hypocricy, gluttony, gambling, selfishness, fear, worry, timidity, couch potatoism, tech addiction, idolatry, laziness, workaholism, abusiveness, omission, whatever you fill in.

We all, because we are living on a sinful Earth right now, have this sin problem to recover from. Those who have been through the horrors of recovery are amazing and obedient and God is pleased. I am amazed by the strength God provides these valiant and pure souls who humbly admit they screwed up and take action to correct it and repent.

Recovery is repentence.

You can call it whatever you want, but when you recover, and while going through that process, you are working on and succeeding in repenting from your whatever. And that is gorgeous.

How rich and luxurious is the heart and soul of the person who has repented/recovered! How wise is the person who was headed toward eternal separation from God and is now close to Him!

To those who have recovered/repented (and I am right in there too), praise God and I am so very proud of and pleased with you.

Those who are still lying that it is no big deal, it is not too late and feels really great to be on the other side. It is worth every discomfort and the pain will teach more than a thousand lies.

Praise God for recovery and never forget how much Jesus loves you to help you through it.❤

Year Long Struggle with Depression

I did not have time to mention this yesterday. I have struggled this past year with depression. My daddy died of dementia, a good friend died in a car accident and a very good friend married a monster and abandoned us all. And I took these things to heart, three different kind of losses at once- two deaths (my loved daddy and my friend) and a betrayal of a loved friend/band brother. Before all this happened at once, I thought myself pretty strong, an independent woman who can do anything. And wham! I was instantly transformed into this little wimpy girl. I never had struggled with depression, being more inclined to laugh everything off than cry. In fact, I rarely ever have cried in my life until this three banger event happened. And let me tell you a secret. I am very thankful for having gone through this humbling. How can I say this? Can anyone enjoy going through the greatest pain imaginable? I am honored that God chose to humble me and save me and draw me close instead of give up on me and abandon me like so many had. It was a process of a year of torture, sadness, crying, mourning, loneliness, deprivation, withdrawal from everyone, trouble concentrating, lethargy, inability to laugh like I used to. I kept up a good front often but was dying inside. And it took that to wake my stubborn prideful butt up to be humble and prayerful and teachable and realize God not only did not throw me away but He was nurturing me back to health the whole while, never giving up on me. A special thank you to whoever was praying for me. And thanks to God for holding me when noone else would. And I would have pushed anyone else away then anyway but God is so tender and loving and faithful to hold me when I cry. And Sunday, the year of depression lifted from my shoulders and I felt a release. And tears poured again but these were not tears of sadness but of joy. And today, I laughed with my daughter as I have not done for too long. And I realize my greatest strength is that in my great weakness, Jesus is greatly more powerful than I am capable of. And that is true strength. I heard a quote that “you will meet your greatest ally and greatest enemy and in the end you will thank them both” or something like that. I am so incredibly thankful!!!! God is definitely my hero and loves me and I love Him with my little self. ❤❤❤

Overcoming Addictions

The only spiritual cure for damaging, sometimes fatal addictions is the truth of the Bible. Before you call me a simpleton for not understanding psychology, let me explain. Addictions spiritual issues and are founded and perpetuated by lies, lies like “This will make me feel better,” “I have control over it,” “It’s not a sin,” “It am not hurting anyone,” “It’s ok because I am really a good person,” “It’s ok because I do good things to balance it out,” “It is fine because God knows I love Him,” “No one will find out,” “Everyone does it,” “If you knew what I’ve been through, you would see why I need this.” There are many more lies and after a while of these lies (which are sins themselves), the truth becomes riddled with guilt and foggy at best. What is true anymore? See, these lies are plants of demonic forces, sent to deceive and ultimately destroy you and even those who dare to love you. Deception must be confronted with the truth or it continues to fester. When Jesus was tempted in the desert after not eating for 49 long days in a weakened state, He only defended Himself with Bible quotes. He did not reason or go into His upbringing or explain or joke around or use sarcasm. He said the Bible says so and so. God said so and so. And He told Him to go. Did it work? Absolutely. Bible is truth. “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” “As you forgive, you will be forgiven.” That includes yourself. Pray, humble your heart to God, opened your Bible and just read. Truth opens your eyes and love shatters the strongholds. Resist the temptation and read the Bible more. Command the voices in your head (evil spirits) to leave in Jesus’ name.  Read more Bible. All of it is truth so read anywhere. God will help you. He loves you more than anyone can!

Days Like This and Home

On days like this, I make a lot of mistakes. I focus on the wrong things, thinking too much about those I have lost in life versus happy moments now. And this lack of focus cycles down into a lot of little blunders, like leaving the interior light on in my car we were working on and running the battery down to nothing, like cutting myself on Jasmine cutting sheers, like tripping on broken flip-flops like a champ, being yelled at for all these things, showering just to get dirty again, getting stuck in traffic, etc. Days like these resulted in a sorrowful me driving down the highway with tears streaming down my eyes, trying to conceal that from my little daughter in the back singing merrily to the music. If that is how the story ended, I would be so sorry for the day. But it did not end that way. Let me tell you how one thing helps so much. My daughter and I arrived in Orlando to pick up my son and he came up to me and gave me a huge hug and huger smile and said, “I am so glad to be home.” And I immediately changed my tone. A smile replaced those tears and I was good momma again, my daughter’s “favorite momma” (out of one lol), my children’s home. Our house is not their home. I am. Wherever I am with my kids is our current home. So, why should we have a sad home, one gloomy with grief? I want my kids to have a happy home, one filled with great memories and happy thoughts and maybe some grief so they can empathize with those who grieve, but not live there. So we took a detour to the hopping Florida Mall and had a blast. We walked, people watched, sang crazy with the music, sang opera style in the Disney store to applause from watchers by, druelled at the Godiva chocolate and laughed at its price tag. (I have got to make a fortune in my handmade boutique chocolates. Lol) Then we got stuck in traffic on the way back for absolutely no reason at all, but then it didn’t matter because we were playing our favorite car movie game. And my husband calls with concern for us and an apology for yelling at my stupidity. Close enough. And all was well with the world. And all that reminded me, as only my Heavenly Father can remind me, that He is my home. He wants me happy too. He wants me to remember that I am always home with Him, warm and cozy and having opportunities to live life home cozy and assured and unafraid. Nothing is better than that. Home is best.

Battle Relativity

I have found myself of late within a series of difficult events, fighting new battles within my mind. Throughout, I have navigated the rockiest of shores with a wide range of careful triumphant precision and something akin to trying to wrestle a live goose into a large pot of broth while blindfolded while crying like a chef who has just chopped no less than 100 raw onions. So, somewhere in the top!er coaster that has been me, I blew by my giftedness and focussed on, well, me. Disturbed by narcissists worldwide, I realized I was in very real danger of becoming one. So, what I can only call a revelation from God, just entered my mind. I have two things to use as tools in not becoming someone I hate or worse God cannot use. One is the biggest most powerful tool in the universe… the power and wisdom of the Holy Spirit, God Himself. Amazing! Grasping my problem with a firm grip and shaking it loose from me with a ferocity that rivals a lioness protecting her cubs is God protecting me when I ask. He is my powerful Heavenly Father after all. I am His and He is mine. Second tool is the gift of perspective of a sound mind naturally seeing the big picture. My innate zoom out camera in my mind. I had borrowed a friend’s attention to detail and fixated on the little nuggets that I generally, when true to self, would never have given the time of day. I had let go of who I was, the crazy, zany, wise one I was cut out to be who rises above the now and easily breathes in the big picture. I saw how tiny my own problems were compared to thousands being martyred and worse now, politicians as corrupt mob bosses of old, morality being plunged to negligible levels in the country I love the most, and so many other problems worldwide. My little issues are tiny specks compared to these things. Yes, they still matter to me. Of course, I love very very big and am passionately tender hearted so feel the recent losses in my life vehemently, but I cannot live there for there is much to be done. There are many hurting. If I live in my own hurt and get stuck there, who will be there to help others who are hurting? And who can help them best than someone who intimately understands and can empathize with their experiences? Oh how I would tie my own hands and God’s work through them if I gave in to sorrow and depression? What good would I be? Who would love these other hurting people? Whose hands would God use to heal them if not mine? And it hit me, I had given in to the temptation of selfishness and distraction and I refuse to give up my freedom to such petty things. So, here we are, arriving together at this momentous crossroad in my life. No doubt prayers uttered on my behalf brought it to fruition so I thank you dearly for them. And off we go, me with jobs to do, taking care of my family and home, serving others with my kids, visiting shutins and bringing them joy, being a part of the world again. No more protect and preserve mode. I have better things to do. I will save my tears for the onions.