I am far from perfect. I strive for being purified by God. I am way too realistic to strive for perfection. I understand full well that is impossible with me. Not because I am bad but because I am human. I strive to live to please God and be purified by Jesus. That is it. That makes me look not perfect but restored. I still have the scuffs and dings and scars but I am a restored, refurbished work of God.
Today, I blew it and again need restoration. Thankfully, God is in the business of detail work. I became angry at a leader in the church, an intern, actually. I said true but inappropriate things about him to a coworker in the kids ministry. I should not have. My anger was just and things are not being handled appropriately, but that is no excuse for me to vent and blow my cool, which I certainly did. True or not, gossip is wrong. Very wrong. I blew it. I saddened my God and I am fully sorry. I said my apologies and prayed my confession and apology and am now in the restoration shop of God again for some detail work.
The thing is, none of us is perfect. I handle my screw ups/sins way better than I used to, however, and I am thankful to God for that. He helped me meet my imperfections with humility rather than pride. The imperfections almost always originate from pride, so to meet them with humility is the cure. It is the step of repentence back. Humility is beautiful. And anyone who says humility is for sissies has never tried it. It requires far more bravery and strength and energy than base pride. But the results are restorative and glorious.
So I wanted to share that and maybe it can help someone too. God is so very good and full of grace and generous with forgiveness. Praise be the Lord!!!❤❤❤
It is a lie that we are ever alone. Sometimes I forget that and feel how I am feeling right now… alone. My loving God is one humble prayer away. Yet sometimes I forget and have to remind myself. Why? What is so great that it blocks my vision? And the answer I determined is that it is a cumulation of little things, a myriad of distraction bricks that add up to one large brick wall to shade me from the brilliant truth. The anniversary of my Daddy’s death, the death of a great friend, the rejection and abandonment of another, kids needs, spousal needs, being constantly criticized, demands of time, coaching, leading choir, the band, teaching, cleaning houses, etc. It seems like I should be savagely content with so many people around me pressing in at every turn. But these things, at the end of the day, drain me and as I sit in the dark alone in my room, waiting for my brain to stop so my sleep can come, I wish strong arms would hold me and I feel so so very alone. The distractions, you see, again forged a chasm between the many things requiring my time and attention and my precious Savior who should have it all. My priorities flipped and I confess that I need alone time with God desperately. So tomorrow I will arise early and walk with Him. And He will help me as He always has done and I will get my mind right with His help. I will remember that He is always with me, always loves me and comforts those who mourn and admit they need Him. And I will repent of my falling for the distraction scheme and busyness and remember that no is a good word when you need time with God, nothing wrong with that. Yes can never be the only word or the distraction liars will walk all over me again. Tired of that. I will fight. God will help as He always does. ❤❤❤
Things are easiest to study when they are in the past. “Hindsight is 20/20”, so they say (whoever “they” are). And I am here wondering why we work so hard with figuring out who is to blame for what and why things happened the way they did. Why or who we can we blame for the occurrence is so much of a priority to determine than where we go from here and what we can do to prevent further occurrences. We seem to view our flaws and sins forensically, parsing and scrubbing and cataloging each one and determining who did what and why it happened, trying to explain and reason sin out. One elephant in the room with this forensic analysis of sin/flaws/mistakes is that- now hear me big- it does not make any sense at all. We work at trying to reason away sins and why we reacted how we did when and where, and blame this and that for these and those and it is all nonsense. Sin doesn’t make sense as we know sense. We can’t reason away sin because it holds no reason as we know reason. How can this be? Because we think humanly and sin is spiritual. It is an intangible phenomenon that we are trying to put in human form. Grasp if you will the concept of smoke from a roaring fire of partially wet wood spreading rapidly toward your house in all directions. The smoke gets everywhere it possibly can working to take in oxygen and stay alive to burn everything it can, to destroy. Sin is like that fire and smoke. Our flaws are sin and fire and smoke producers and if left unchecked will destroy everything in its path. We must harness our flaws and realize them so we can build up our defenses against them with prayer and Bible reading. There is no reason to fear it but until you admit the fire is there, you are lost already. When pride says there is no fire and it’s not your fault, destruction still happens anyway, only to a much greater degree because denial keeps you from defending your house and soul. Without defense, a fire will burn out of control. Amazingly, the great Fireman has allowed us to call him anytime night or day to put out the fire in our house and defend us from damage. He is amazing and skilled and has a vested interest because He is our Father in Heaven. So, we need to think of our flaws not as a focus and distraction of forensic study, guilt laden or rich with denial, but proactively as a realistic need for God to come and help us restructure to defend our house and those around us. The blame, according to contrition, must always be on us for what we could do but failed to do to prevent the flaw from becoming destructive sin. It you want to keep your soul from destruction, the key is to admit the flaws/sins/mistakes on your part and ask the Lord to intervene on your behalf and save/defend your soul. He always answers that prayer. The flawless One loves to remove our flaws. He does sometimes do it overnight, but sometimes reconstruction takes a bit longer so we can handle it. Either way, He always does what is best for us when we ask Him to.
When we let go of things that have racked our brain and weighed on us, we free ourselves of it. When we let go of the poison of unforgiveness and worry, our burden is instantly lighter and everyone involved benefits. How do we do that? We humbly admit that we can not continue trying to pretend like we can control the situation at all and then admit and confess that we should have never carried it to begin with. In picking up a load of baggage that was never meant to be ours, we accept the sin of stealing and punishment thereof. However, it is really as simple as, “I am sorry, God. I should never have grabbed that bag. Here it is back. I give it to You, Lord, the only One I know who can take it and put it away.” And you leave it there with Him and walk away. When you truly do that and don’t ever give into the temptation that will attack you with the desire to run back and pick it up again, you are then truly free. Your burden, the extra weight as you try to function, is gone. God takes it when you ask Him every single time. And every single time, He responds to you loving and beautifully and takes it all from your plate and gives you such peace and comfort and joy that it amazes you you didn’t do it sooner. Yes, the enemy has millions of tricks and will use them wrapped in tricks and lies and will keep you low and distracted and guilty and in pain and feeling alone as much as you allow him to. Knowing this is great power and we must consciously seek out the truth through Bible study and prayer until truth vs. lie is as easy to decipher as black from white in broad daylight. Truth (of God’s Word) unveils lies and overpowers it unless the person wants to believe the lie for their own ignorant or prideful reasons. However, the moment we decide to be humble and give the burden back to God, He is there and takes it and kisses your boo boos and holds your heart as He heals it. Yes, He is that powerful and more and loves you that much and more. He made and designed you on purpose exactly as you are for His beauty and purpose. He wants to help. He can. Let Him.