Leave the Past in the Pasture or You’ll Step in it Again

Even if the past was fantastic beyond measure and the best time of your life and more meaningful than anything else ever, still, even then, leave the past in the pasture behind you or you’ll step in something unpleasant. You went through that time, for better or worse and it meant something significant for better or worse but it was foe a season. How do you know? You would still be there if it was meant for now. Simple. Oh, one thing I wish I could scream to the world is that life is really very simple and meant to be so. The simple things matter, what remains matters, the present matters. It is simple. If you left someone awful or magnificent in the past for any reason or if they left you, that was the answer. People never throw away or leave that which they truly love. There is your answer. Accept and embrace the pain of it and leave it there and walk on. There is more to life than memories and histories. That is part of us but we need to focus on the now. God has us where we are for a reason. It is beautiful and meaningful now. The past may have held more meaning or more happiness but just because that of now is different makes it no less important and meaningful, just different. Stay here. Own it. Be present fully. If every day were a party, there would be no party.❤

Rebuilding Contemplations 2 Years Ago

2 Years ago, I lost my daddy. I lost the man that loved me most in the world and who was always there for me. I also lost a liar friend that swore love to me and my family and just rejected us and split. (All is forgiven and we still love you, just recapping my pain of 2 years ago.) I also lost a friend my age in a car accident suddenly at the same time. Two years ago, I was a mess, a pitiable disaster shell of a girl… broken to understate it. The strongest crumble hardest when broken.

Absolutely, that was a defining moment of my life. Absolutely, that completely impoverished soul of mine was the means of God finally breaking this pride in me down to ashes and rebuilding a humble me. It was the best thing that ever happened to me spiritually, in light of eternity. Because now, as I keep choosing God to be my strength and keep humbly close to Him, even living with frequent opposition and injustice, everything keeps me humble and closer to God.

And now I am strongest of my life because I am weakest and God is able to work through me. This, my friend, is beautiful. I am thankful for two years ago and reflect upon it thoughtfully and often. I still get emotional but it is always tempered with joy and peace now. If you are going through a lot now, take heart. Hope is in Jesus always and with love. Don’t be afraid to break for Him and He will rebuild you way better. God is so very good!!❤❤❤

More Christmas Decorating

Here is our third home decorated by us. We have now decorated my Great Aunts Evelyne and Ellen’s home, our home and now my mom’s home. So three homes now have we decorated. But I confess that I had the most fun with this one because my mom never throws any Christmas memory items away and it was setting up all the decorations I grew up with. Some were new, but many were what we had in our home when I was still receiving presents and had big family dinners and parties and all the excitement came rolling on back. What joy!❤

Birthday of Times Past

Ever get to a date that used to be memorized and celebrated but that person is no longer anywhere around for one reason or another, they passed to heaven, they left traumatically, they abandoned you or moved on from your life, they are far physically now, whatever the case may be? But the date remains planted there because it had rooted deeply before the separation occurred. That day is still a celebration because that person is still important, still loved, still valued for lessons learned. This is one of those days for me. A day of celebratory contemplation and missing.

And we do not have a memory like God does. It is so cool and powerful that God can choose to forget. We cannot. The scene can dim over time and fade to sepia tones but it can still be recalled, it does not disappear. Which is why we must be careful what goes into our minds. But God can forget. And it says in His Truth (the Bible) that His love impel Him to choose to forget our sins when we confess and repent and ask Him to remove them through Jesus. It disappears, as if it never existed. The enemy will use our memory against us and recall it to torture us, but those are lies and the truth is that God has lovingly chosen to wipe them out of history and existence. Just don’t go back to it.❤

Tribute to Getting Over It

There is a major difference between forgiving and getting over it. You can forgive in your heart from the deepest part of you and still retain that pain for a long time. You can heal from grief and still cry on a dime for a very long time, depending on the closeness to the lost and depth of your connection, history and heart. But here is a tribute to Getting Over it. Not sure that can be done by humans without God’s help or hope, but we can get to the point with His help that we can live the remainder of our lives free from the prison of pain and grief. Of course new ones will come, some stay from a different source perhaps, I mean it is life on earth and not n heaven yet. However, we can remove one burdened cloak and leave it on the road and keep walking on. And this is a tribute to that ability and glory to God for seeing fit to help me with it when I asked. Years and years have passed and now freedom in that area has arrived. Feels very much like Les Miserable. What a powerful thing to have one less burden to bear! Praise God, burden lifter!!!😄❤

Flashback with a Side of Peace

Today at church, for some reason, my mind flashed back to my Daddy’s last moments on this earth before he went off to play and sing in heaven. That day is etched into my heart and I feel everything, smell everything, remember everything. I arrived and he had started heavy breathing. No pain. I sat on his bed and kissed him and said I loved him and hug Jesus for me and ran my fingers through his hair and sang “Jesus Loves Me”. I kept repeating the same song because honestly I could not remember another lyric. It was the only song I could think of. And I sang it for about 20 minutes and he had such a relaxed look to him and then stopped breathing. And once I knew he was not there anymore, I cried for about a year. But I look back now that I can with just tears and not crippling depression, and I see God’s peace and blessing there. So many things in my life I did wrong but that moment, I did right. It was a beautiful, meaningful moment. I, who loved him most in this world, loving him out, just us. Just daddy and me, what I had always wanted. God gave me that. Thank you, God. Please hug him for me. ❤

Not Knowing

I just watched and listened to Red sing “The Dance” on the Voice. https://youtu.be/B50LXIoetlg I rarely ever get to see that show and enjoy everything but the back stories and commercials. (If they sing the song magnificently, you can feel their back story, but that is another blog post lol.) But I digress. The thing is the song reminded me that if we knew things would end, would we go through with it if it was going to end in a huge loss? I wrestle with that a little bit. Do good times for a while make up for a steep drop afterwards? Do great memories make up for the loss of a loved one? And I suddenly felt great appreciation to God for not letting us know everything. I am thankful to not know what is next (except heaven, I am glad to know that is coming up). I believe even more that God blesses us by withholding the future. We are who we are and hold beautiful memories we would otherwise miss by living the exact journey we walk, rest and run. Our journey is beautiful not just because of the good memories and good decisions but moreso because of deep blows we overcame with God’s help. I am happy not to know. I am thankful for every dance. ❤